Self-Sabotage and Spiritual Quests

Yesterday I read an article that is making me think really hard. It was written by Karen Salmansohn and titled: Why Do People Self-Sabotage Their Happiness?poster-choosethoughts-903x1024

Here are my favorite parts…

… It’s like this: As a child you learned habits on love and happiness from your parents. If you learned that love comes with yelling and insults, then being in a relationship with too much peace and too many compliments might actually inspire anxiety. Snagging an abundance of joy might also trigger you to self-sabotage your happiness in order to maintain that “masochistic equilibrium” which you learned in your childhood. Or you might simply choose scenarios from the get-go which bring you lower levels of love and bliss.

When I married Mr. Gloom-n-Doom, that was partly self-sabotage, part rebellion. My parents hated him and I hated myself… Gloom-n-Doom is passive-aggressive exactly like my parents. I couldn’t see it then because I was young and stupid (and I hated myself — of course I did, my parents were constantly telling me how much I could be like everyone else).

…Find examples of consistently happy, loving couples, and truly happy people. Spend as much time as possible with them so you can start to shift your belief system to what “normal love” and “normal happiness” are. Over time, you will begin to view highly positive situations as examples for your new normal. The more you witness positive examples of love and joy, the more opportunity you will have to change your belief system about life—and thereby start to change your “masochistic equilibrium.”

Surrounding myself with positivity and gratitude is opening my eyes so I can finally see that the relationship I have with Mr. Gloom-n-Doom is very destructive to the both of us. I can’t help him; he can’t love himself; I can’t make him. I can see how he intentionally chooses bad things (one could say the same about me, I guess). He always has an “enterpaining” story to tell people, in which he elicits pity and drama. If he started taking care of himself and doing what the doctors tell him, he would have no such stories to tell.

…there’s an added sneaky reason why painful patterns form: a theory à la Carl Jung. He believed that our lives need meaning and purpose. If we don’t have meaning and purpose, we acquire a bad habit in order to create drama and excitement—so we feel like there’s something interesting and entertaining happening in our life—even if it’s a bad exciting thing. Jung’s name for these patterns of “enterpaining” situations was “low-level spiritual quests.”

Hmmm…

The good news: You can more readily dump negative patterns of “low-level spiritual quests” by developing “high-level spiritual quests”—a driving positive force that drives you forward. For example, it’s easier to dump negative patterns in love (which give you drama and “enterpaining stories” to tell), if you develop an exciting hobby or passion-project to serve as your “high-level spiritual quest” (which then gives you excitement and happy entertaining stories to tell).

It is becoming easier for me to dump those negative patterns and choices because I have been finding and creating my own examples of happiness. Part of it is my relationship with Loverman (which I DO realize could just be another one of my negative patterns…), but another part is my acceptance of myself. My desire to love myself! My ability to be happy with myself. I am now proud to be me.

Be Happy
Good luck with your spiritual quests!!!

Mad, Crazy, Love

…I want to do mad, crazy things to his body. I want to make him feel amazingly good! I want to let down my guard and have him “toss my salad” (Loverman’s words). I want to share my whole self, our whole self. To have him be every bit a part of me and I of him. So much so, that when we separate, if even for just a moment, the desire to be at one with him again is agonizing!…

Comfortable vs. Happy vs. Love

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Sk8 Saturday: East Meets West Skate Jam

Check it out! Loverman and I are planning this as our next sk8-venture.

I am SO excited!

And if you live in Denver, tonight is Ladies’ Night at the Skate City in Westminster. All ladies 18+ get in to skate for $1.00

10PM to 12AM

Have a great weekend, everyone <3

 

Goats Are Aliens

Indisputable proof:

Just catching some sun!

Just chillin’ here on this precarious cliff-side, enjoying the lovely ocean breeze

This is one of my favorites! How long does this whole process take? Don't they get thirsty?

This is one of my favorites! How long does this whole process take? Don’t they get thirsty?

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How did they get up there?

And what about their crazy eyes? Is there anything else on this planet with eyes like that??

This goat is even CUTE, but those eyes...

This goat is even CUTE, but those eyes…

And, finally (if one of these videos doesn’t make you laugh, nothing can!):

Happy Friday!

Can I Be Friends With My Boss?

Me: I never really liked her. I thought she was a bitch.

Boss-Lady: Oh, you knew her well?

Me: No, but I usually go off my gut feelings. She was always so aloof and unfriendly.

Boss-Lady: To be fair, you think everyone’s a bitch.

Me: Are you saying that I think you’re a bitch?

Boss-Lady: I’m pretty sure you do.

Me: I definitely don’t like it when you tell me how I feel. That’s for sure.

Boss-Lady: It is how it is.

Me: Okay. Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.

And I walked out of her office.

paragraph-divider-hi

I thought about that conversation for a couple of hours after it happened. It really bothered me. We were talking about a former employee that was fired for insubordination and just plain bitchiness — I would say that, in this case, I was right to trust my gut instincts, but wrong to express my feelings to my boss.

Which is sad because I thought she was my friend (well… she was my friend before she was my boss at least…) but lately she’s been just plain mean to me.

I’m starting to get the feeling that she isn’t my friend at all. She’s just a mean-spirited lady tucked inside a facade of niceness.

Here’s the deal, her daughter is going through some health issues and just had a baby. Also, her daughter is very much like me (and Boss-Lady) — strong-willed. I think that, because she is unable to fight with her daughter right now, she’s transferring that shit over to me.

At work.

Twice now she has actually said to me, “You’re just like my daughter. You can’t be happy with anything!”

Is that an appropriate thing to say to your employee? Friend or not…

Denver Drivers:500 / Pedestrians:0

I am not from Denver originally. We moved here a little over 6 years ago, but in that time I have come to realize that Denver could possibly be the MOST dangerous town for pedestrians and bicyclists.

Bicycle_Wrecked_WEB

Wouldn’t you think that in one of the top 10 fittest states, drivers would be more observant? Chances are, that dude/chick behind the wheel is going for a jog after work or perhaps mountain biking over the weekend…

When I drive into work in the morning I pass several parks. In each park there are dozens of joggers: some jogging with their partners, some with their pets, some all alone. I wonder how many of them are thinking, “Will today be the day I get hit and killed by a moving vehicle?”

Generally these accidents happen during rush hour or the middle of the night and the pedestrian wasn’t watching where they were going (text much?) or the cyclist was sure they could make that yellow light — there are reasons, but why so many all of a sudden.

It makes me wonder:

at what point in time did parents stop teaching their kids to look both ways before crossing the street?!?!?

This weekend a man was hit by two separate cars while he was walking along the interstate at 3AM. The second driver that hit him was the one to stop and call the police.

Posted by Denver 9 News
Every day, at least one person in the core of the metro Denver area is injured by a hit-and-run driver.

Almost three times a month, someone, likely a pedestrian, is killed in Colorado by a motorist who then flees the scene.

And a staggering 17 times day in Denver, someone reports a hit-and-run accident of any kind to police.

Legislators have passed a law to toughen criminal penalties and several cities have adopted alert systems to ask the public’s help in tracking down perpetrators.

But the carnage has continued. An I-News at Rocky Mountain PBS/9News investigation found:

• Hit-and-run fatalities are rising in Colorado as overall traffic deaths are falling. In 2012, 34 people were killed across Colorado by hit-and-run drivers, almost double the 18 deaths the year before. The result was the state ranked 10th in the U.S. in terms of hit-and-run fatalities per capita. Statistics for last year have not yet been compiled.

• A total of 104 people have been killed by hit-and-run drivers between 2008 and 2012. Almost two-thirds, or 64, were pedestrians or bicyclists.

• A breakdown of injury accidents by Lakewood police found that about one out of every 13 injury hit-and-run incidents in its city resulted in death or incapacitating trauma.

• Denver police reported 18,662 hit and run accidents of all types, both injury and non-injury, during the past three years. That is an average of 17 a day.

“Colorado is 10th in the nation in terms of hit and run deaths per capita.” (source: http://www.mydenverduilawyer.com)

What the fuck?!?!?

Watch where you’re going people! Especially if you’re going for a walk or riding your bike in Denver!

 

This accident happened in January 2014 and was only 4 blocks away from my office!

This accident happened in January 2014 and was only 4 blocks away from my office!