Tonight

CuddlingCoupleI would love to be able to curl up in his arms and let him help me feel like everything was okay.

Tonight I wish he was here to hold me and support me, tell me I did good and that he’s proud of me.

The last two afternoons have been tough and I am proud of myself for having gotten through them, but I wish I could get really drunk and have my brains fucked out for the rest of the night…

I feel so lost

Wishing for a Unicorn

I started writing this back at the beginning of June 2013 and it’s been sitting on my desktop ever since. Every once in a while I change a word or open it to read it. It hasn’t changed much. I’ve just been waiting for the end to come to me.
I finally figured it out.

Unicorn tattoo for SherriFeelings broken
Like a shattered pane of glass
With razor edges and points
Stabbing outwards
As the first line of defense

Wanting to lash out and make others suffer, too

Hoping to be swept up and put back together again

Wishing for a unicorn…

The Strangest Thing…

In just the first two days of this week I have unloaded a lot of baggage on Mr. X.

He listens and is genuinely concerned about my well-being, both physically and emotionally. Then, he is intuitive enough that he knows what to say and how to act in response. I’m sure that plenty of men are that way, I just haven’t had one of them in my life. So, relatively speaking, such a thing is like a mythical creature to me: a unicorn, per se. Therefore I feel special and lucky for having found one.

I have told him a few dumb little things about my parents, we talked about two of the most recent discussions I had with Doom-n-Gloom and we even talked about how to deal with Loserman if he contacts me the same way as he did last time.

Every time I share something new with him, I am a little worried that it will be too ‘scary’ for Mr. X and he will run. (We’ve talked about that, too ;) )

BUT

Mr. X already really knows the worst bits of me and still he has not run.

So… Yesterday morning when I was talking and Mr. X was listening, he said the strangest thing:

Wow! I think you might need me more than I need you.

I’m pretty sure I giggled because that’s what I’ve been thinking this entire time…

Then, because he thought I needed it, he carved out a very short time to be with me. Just to be with me.

I got to be with him for an unexpected 30+ minutes.

It was lovely and he did it just for me :)

BreathAway

He did…

He can…

“I Am”

I love this entire album by Christina Aguilera, but this song always warms my heart.

(I needed very much to feel special today and Mr. X really helped this morning – thank you, Sir <3 )

I hope you enjoy it, too

I am timid and I am oversensitive
I am a lioness, I am tired and defensive
You take me in your arms and I fold into you
I have insecurities, you show me I am beautiful

Love me or leave me
Just take it or leave it
It’s not that I’m needy
Just need you to see me

Take me, free me
See through to the core of me
Take me, free me
There will be no more pretending

I am temperamental and I have imperfections
And I am emotional, I am unpredictable
I am naked, I am vulnerable
I am a woman, I am opening up to you

Love me or leave me
Just take it or leave it
It’s not that I’m needy
Just need you to see me

Now I stand before you with my heart in my hands
I’m asking you to take me just the way that I am
Please lay down your arms, do you know me?
Make me feel safe from harm

I am temperamental and I have imperfections
And I am emotional
There will be no more pretending

 

WTF, Loserman?!?!

Loserman sent me this on Facebook yesterday morning..

WickedEvolution

I am sick of his Facebook-posting shit when he wants to communicate with me. I wish he would just fucking talk to me like an adult!  It’s so passive. He’s been doing it for the last week or so and I’ve been ignoring him because he’s posting it on his own wall, but yesterday he sent this as an instant message.

At least he didn’t post it directly to my wall this time, I guess. (of course that could be because I blocked him from posting there again ;) ) *sigh*

I have no idea what the fuck?!?!?! I haven’t responded because I just don’t know what the fuck…

Please help me understand.

I am so happy for you and your new lady
I will always love you
Forever and always

It looks like you love her
With such beauty and wonder
But I will always love you
Forever and always

When I think about what happened in the past
I wish I had what it took to make it last
My beliefs were all wrong
Which made me weak all along
I knew when I left I’d be broken
Since then we haven’t even spoken

Doors were shut
Our hearts were bruised
You never called (?)

I am so happy for you and your new lady
I will always love you
Forever and always

It’s been hard to face it, it helps
Knowing nothing’s wasted
I will always love you
Forever and always

Although every night I sleep alone
I’m glad that you have someone you can hold
I wouldn’t wish this loneliness on you
Pray that I find someone special, too
I knew when I left I’d be broken
Since then we haven’t even spoken

Doors were shut
Our hearts were closed
You never called (?)