Somewhat Sexy Update

Our date night last Wednesday night ended up being pretty awesome.

… After a couple of little snags because things didn’t happen the way I had hoped they would.

It basically boils down to this:

When we actually *get* to have a night together, I do my best to wear something pretty, put on clean drawers and shave all the prickly bits. The idea is that I look and smell nice for him.

Last week I was hoping that he felt that same way and, at the very least, would have bathed for me so he smelled nice and was mostly soft. Also, it kind of shows me that he appreciates me.

But he didn’t. And I was disappointed when he got to our room and told me he probably hadn’t showered in days; probably more like a week.

Aside from skating, we haven’t been able to spend any intimate time together for almost a month. I was ready to tear off his clothes the second he got there and mount him right on top of the bedspread.

When he told me how filthy he was, the last thing I wanted to do was suck his dick and ride him until we both passed out!

I sat down on the bed across from where he was sitting. He sat down on the bed across from me and asked, “What’s wrong, Mamacita?”

It took me a moment to put my thoughts together: I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and ruin our first intimate moment together in practically 4 weeks.

“It’s just that, whenever we have time planned to be together, I try to look good for you. I try to smell nice and be soft all over. I want to look nice for you and I kind of wish you felt that way about me a little bit, too. I’m only a little upset and I will get over it, but I have to be honest with you and tell you that I am disappointed and a little sad at you.”

He was very, very uncomfortable and sat there quietly because I don’t think he knew what to say. Eventually he broke the silence, “Are you hungry, Mama? We don’t have to go skating tonight. We can just eat and shower and spend the night here.”

We didn’t discuss it further. He stood up and leaned over to kiss me. “Let’s get some Taco Bell so you don’t starve.”

The trip to get dinner and a bottle of wine was very quiet, but only a little uncomfortable. When we got back to our room we drank Riesling with our Nachos and Burritos and watched Blackish – so cute!

The show ended. I stood up and started to get naked for our shower.

When my panties were around my ankles, I bent over to slip them under my feet and Loverman was right be hind me as he leaned over my back and whispered in my ear, “You are so sexy and you don’t even know it. I am going to take you right now!”

I could feel his stiff erection pressing against my wet pussy lips and I wiggled my hips back onto him. It only took a few seconds and he slid easily into me.

His hands grabbed my hips and we thrust into each other over and over again. Usually my Loverman is quiet, aside from some dirty talk, but this time I could tell he was forcing himself not to orgasm. The louder he moaned, the harder he was holding back.

“Just cum, baby! I want you to cum all over my ass!” I screamed.

He did exactly as I asked.

And then he did it again while we were cleaning up in the shower…

hump day

Lunch

Holy Fuck! This is supposed to be a blog about my Adventures in Infidelity, but I have been so consumed emotionally with work that I can barely think about anything else.

I need to get the fuck out of this place and here is why:

Crazy Girl at work offered to take Boss Lady to lunch today.

Boss Lady accepted.

I can’t help but worry that it’s because they want to talk about me behind my back.

Maybe they’re going out to lunch with my Caregiver so all 3 of them can bitch about what a cunt I am.

It sure would be nice if I didn’t feel that way.

It would be a lot easier to do my job if I wasn’t constantly worrying about my co-workers going out of their way to find my mistakes (electronic, verbal and emotional).

I completely understand that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

And I am trying not to think about it.

But, the truth is, I fucking care about what other people think and (especially) what they are saying about me behind my back.

I want to, but I can’t shut it off.

Support

Loverman and I haven’t really had any alone time together for about 3 weeks. His work schedule has completely changed. He has been coming skating with Thing #1 and me on Thursday nights, but I can’t kiss on him and molest him then!

Supposedly, we are going to finally get to spend tomorrow night together. He has already told me not to get too excited, they might change his schedule again.

Strange but true: I actually have mixed feelings about seeing him.

Last week when I was telling him about the drama going on at work, he kind of blamed me!

It really hurt my feelings! Everyone is already on the side of Crazy Girl at work. He’s supposed to be on MY side.

After listening to him for a minute, I interrupted, “I need you to be on MY side here. I really do. You are my best friend and I need to know that when I come to you with a problem, you aren’t judging me. I need your support, baby. This situation at work is completely out of control and I haven’t been able to see you and ‘recharge’. I am having a really tough time going to work every day.”

He acquiesced then and said, “If you feel like you need to look for a different job, Mama, then that’s what you should do. I just don’t understand why we can’t all get along.”

We were on the phone, but I wanted to hug him because of how quickly he backed off. “I know, baby. I want to get along and keep the job I currently have, too. But it isn’t working out that way.”

Then I added, “I really hate having to talk to you about this crap anyway. I like how we’re always happy together and I really try to keep it that way.”

He agreed.

The subject changed and eventually we were both laughing and back to normal.

P.S. When I wrote this post in my head last night it was much more eloquent ;)

Strong as an Oak

I pirate get almost all of my music from the library near my house. They don’t have an awesome selection or anything, but I have a pretty sweet music library with all kinds of variety! In fact, I can’t wait for our Kansas City road trip because I can just plug in my MP3 player and we can have something to listen to almost the entire ride; I suppose I will have to let Loverman pick something, too…

Sometimes when I am online looking for one thing, there will be something else in the “recommended” or “suggestions” section of the page. I have found quite a few new artists that I really like that way and I share some of them here with you when I find them; like Kate Nash and Do Wah Doo.

This song really empowered me yesterday and this morning. I thought I would share it with you, too.

Happy Friday! <3

Strong as an Oak
by Watsky

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (broke)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (I’m fuckin broke y’all)

Them rims, them rings, them things
You can bring ‘em out.
I just had my debit card declined at IN’N’OUT.
The line is flippin’ out, givin me evil eyes.
Fuck the soda,
Rerun it with just the cheesy fries.

Cause’ I don’t think money is THE devil.
I’m not sinkin’ I’m just kickin’ it at sea level.
I got my floaties on.
I’m focusing on all the wonderful stuff
With the force of obi wan
Kanobi bro, I’m broke.
Although I won’t be woe-be-gone.
Cause’ even though my bank account is low or overdrawn, I’m down to mow your lawn.

I’m getting open, I’m soakin up every moment
And so we should make a toast.
We won’t be sober ’til the broke of dawn.

Because beer is cheap, and because love is free.
I’m buzzin’,
Feelin’ like every friend is a cousin g.
And someday we’ll be reminiscent
On some wasn’t we.
Just so down and out.
But we were happy then cause’,

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (broke)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (I’m hella broke bro)

Why should I sit on my ass on the couch
Be askin’ why love isn’t equal
With lesser possessions I’m light as a feather
And so I can fly like an eagle
Cause’ everyone dies
And I wonder why leaders in power
Would lie to their people.

Be planning like they could be fitting a camel up into the eye of a needle.
But dammit id settle for fitting a
94′ Camry inside of my driveway
I’m sick of the image,
I’m livin’ my life, and I’m doin’ it my way.
I’d rather be makin’ the choices I’m proud of
Than chasing the mountain of money.

But if that mountain comes,
To me, I’m climbin’ it.

Got a brick and I’m laying it down,
Gotta shovel, now I’m breakin’ this ground.
Because I’m in the red
But it’s only a color that I will be
Paintin’ this town.
Because when I make it,
Then I dedicate it to the friends that stood with,
Who would do me favors.
Even lend me paper, when I couldn’t pay for
A little take-out.

And to the fact,
That whatever you think that it means,
I’ll be here and be livin’ my dreams.
And it’s cause of the people I leaned
On when I came apart at the seams.
So give me the moon, and give me the spoon,
I’m lickin’ it clean
Until there just ain’t nothing left
But who would lend a hand, cause

Everything’s A.O.
Everything’s A.O.

So when I say dey oh,
Say everything’s A.O.

When I say dey oh,
You say everything’s A.O.

When I say dey oh,
You say everything’s A.O.

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (broke)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (I’m extra broke yo)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (broke)

Everything is A.O.K. (yep)
Because I’m strong as an O.A.K. (an oak)
But money don’t grow on trees
And I’m B.R.O.K.E. (I’m fuckin’ broke y’all)

On Being Myself

NotABitch

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me.

I think I am a pretty damn cool person.

I am happy with who I am.

Should I have to change the person who I’ve become? The person I have finally learned to like?

How do I know if who I am is the right person?

Until lately I thought I was, but now I wonder if the me who I think is the best me…

…maybe isn’t even a good me.

Entitlement or Reasonable Expectation?

This post is from last Wednesday.

I am going to whine.

Again.

I have been dreading coming into work.

Every.

Single.

Day.

The only thing motivating me lately is my paycheck.

Sad.

Yesterday, when I woke up, I even tried thinking:

If you know it will be a great day, it will be a great day!

But, as soon as I could see the office building on the horizon, my heart sunk in my chest and I felt like I would vomit.

I’ve been craving donuts every morning and there is a Voodoo Donuts right on my way to work.

am proud that I have only gone there twice since I started working here a little over 2 years ago.

But, both of those times were in the last 14 days *sigh*

In the last month I have had some challenges.

Not only with the Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl that I work with in my local office (who I have written about a couple of times in the past), but also with two ladies that work in the Atlanta office. Those two are always challenging my authority and trying to find all my mistakes. I make mistakes, of course. And I own them when I find them — or someone else finds them for me — I just don’t like it when they are put on public display and I am humiliated in the process of pointing it out.

My awesome Boss-Lady nipped the Atlanta ladies about 2 weeks ago, but there is still residual tension…

Which would be okay to work through except for Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl here in Denver. It’s just her and me and Boss-Lady; the 5 Realtors are in and out of the office all of the time, but none of them work full-time here (and all of them are men).

I am lucky that I have my own office, right?

That should be one of the things that I look forward to when I come to work, right?

Or should I feel more like I am in a cage being held captive for 40+ hours every week?

I used to work in a cubicle environment. It was not ideal, but it was okay.

There have been many times recently when I wished I still worked in a cubicle because, then, no one would be able to come into my office and close the door behind themselves to have a “private” conversation with me. The start of the conversation being, almost every time, “I don’t know what your problem has been lately. Blah, blah, yammer, yammer…”  (her ‘polite’ approach really helps me to be attentive to her…)

When I try to speak up, I am then told not to interrupt: interrupting is rude.

Once, I did get to say, “This right here, when you come into my office, close my door and start off by telling me I can’t defend myself. That’s kind of what my problem is.”

Needless to say, that didn’t end well.

Every time I defend myself to her she says, “But YOU did that to ME, too.” Sometimes I did, more often I didn’t.

Am I wrong to think that my office should be an environment that I can actually have some control over? (notice I say “some”, I understand that complete control is out of the question.)

There are so many uncontrollable elements that come at me every day, I wish I could feel that my office was more of a safe haven. Someplace where I can feel comfortable and “in control”.

But I can’t.

When Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl comes into MY office and closes the door behind herself, I am immediately put on edge and feel defensive. At that moment, I have lost complete control of my “safe haven” environment and I feel like I am in fight-or-flight mode. Especially when she is standing over me, directly between me and my only way out (my office is very small. There is no room for both of us to be standing on that side of my desk in front of the closed door. It’s definitely not big enough in which to have a heated conversation) and I am forced to wait until she allows me to speak or she finally leaves.

Most times, these conversations start with, “I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately” or something very similar to that. And, when I attempt to respond (aka ‘defend myself’) I am told not to interrupt!

Basically, it feels like I am sitting captive in MY office while she stands over me ‘insisting’ on how we need to make things right. Right now. Eventually, when there is a break where I can speak and I try to weigh in, I am told not to interrupt?!…

It’s like Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl is a bully who wants me to be her BFF and will keep forcing me to like her until I finally do (even if it’s out of sheer terror!).

I would love to be able to work from home 1 or 2 days a week like Boss-Lady. Or maybe work four 10-hour days? I asked. It’s not possible.

I also asked about moving to one of the agents’ cubicles and letting the agents use my office as theirs. That’s not possible either.

I should just be thankful that I have a job. Office or not.

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