Seriously…
Life has been beating me up recently
It doesn’t help that I can’t stop thinking about killing myself
(I do recognize how those two statements are related to each other in an evil downward spiral)
We’ll start in the middle because I don’t feel like writing about the beginning quite yet…
I guess I’m supposed to have them, right?
Every time I set a life goal for myself, I rationalize myself out of it
Or I make it totally un-achievable or something
So then I can hate all over myself for failing
Or quitting
It’s Christmas.
You’re the only thing that I miss.
There’s no reason; I never meant anything to you; you never got me a gift.
Holidays were just a time for you to ignore me. Read the rest of this entry »
So… last Thursday night I finally bit the bullet and went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting
I’d been sober for 12 days and it was getting tougher and tougher to resist stopping at the liquor store on my way home from work
Two weeks seems to be about all I can handle before I need to cave and buy another bottle
Therefore
Meeting
“A person with suicidal ideation may not ask for help. However, that does not mean help is not needed or wanted. Many people who die by suicide do not actually wish for death – they only want the pain to go away. Prevention of suicide begins with recognizing the warning signs of suicidal behaviors and taking action.”¹
I need help…
Three weeks ago my face swelled up from an allergic reaction (or something)
To what? I have no idea. As far as I know, I have no allergies.
So, after a weekend of terrible snowy weather and barely being able to see out of my eye holes, I went to urgent care first thing Monday morning. (looking like I had been in a terrible fight and gotten the shit kicked out of me!!)
The lovely Dr. there wouldn’t help me because the reaction was too severe and my blood test results wouldn’t come back for 2-3 days!!! (urgent care, my ass!)
So, it was off to the hospital with my sorry face…
Meet my “new” doggie: Tori
She’s a Newfoundland
We’ve been together 10 weeks now
She was surrendered to the shelter after living with the same family for 10 years (her whole fucking life – and they just let her go)!!
I don’t know all of her story, but I wish I did
It would probably make it easier to understand her
She’s afraid of all other dogs, to the point she wants to attack them before they can attack her
But then, I am kind of afraid of all other people to the point I want to attack them before they can attack me, so maybe we’re well-matched Read the rest of this entry »
