Limerence

Ugh!

I fucking hate that word!

It scares the shit out of me!

It scares me so much that I almost deleted my previous “Word of the Day” post about it.

Quite a while ago.

Because I’m pretty sure that limerence had me firm in it’s grasp.

It scares me because it means I might not feel the way about TC that I think I do.

It scares me even more that TC might not feel, about me, the way he thinks he does!

It makes me doubt my self and my heart. Which, honestly, to this date, have not been very reliable counsel anyway…

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I Want You

I changed a previous post, not by much, but I think that this version is better.

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I want you to help rub out the kinks.

I want you to scratch the itches I can’t reach.

I want your arms to pull me close when I’m crying.

Even if neither of us knows why.

Because, with you, I feel safe and protected.

I want you to help me find myself when I am lost.

I want your inner calm when I am too upset to think clearly.

I want your attentiveness.

Respond to me.

I want your gratitude.

Appreciate me.

I want your reciprocation.

Tell me you want me, too.

I want your inclusion.

I want your love.

Sunday Morning Good-Byes

Waking up with him Sunday morning was even more wonderful than Saturday.

We woke with the sun. I started stirring about an hour before he did, fading in and out of dreamland, enjoying the way he felt laying next to me, relishing the comfort of the bed and the warmth of the blankets.

And

My head fits perfectly in the nook of his left shoulder.

Perfectly.

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So much so, that my neck doesn’t start to get stiff or my arm underneath doesn’t fall asleep. In fact, it’s so comfortable there, I can actually fall back to sleep in that place.

(A week later, TC still wakes up with thoughts that I am cradled there on his arm.

See?

Perfect. ;) )

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“Don’t Believe Him”

Don’t Believe Him

Via on May 20, 2015

Don’t believe the boy who says he’ll be there for you with a sweetly charming smile, but never actually shows up.

He’ll say a lot of things; talking is his specialty.

When he talks, he waves a wand, making words into sparkly magic tricks that trip you up all over yourself.

Silky, romantic whispers become mind games become lies.

And, f*ck, he lies so much that he lives in a gossamer web of glossy half-truths, unsure himself, of what’s real and what’s not.

With a lost look in his eyes and confusion stamped all over his heart, he’ll tell you he loves you.

But, he doesn’t.

He can’t.

He’s so empty that he’s forgotten how to love at all.

But, for a second, you’ll fall for his beautiful words and glittering strings of grand illusions.

You’ll give every ounce of your strength, trying so hard to fix his wounds and make him whole.

You’ll do everything, something, anything at all to make him stay.

But, he will never stay—because he was never there in the first place.

It’s okay.

You’ve known in your gut all along that something was wrong.

Believe yourself.

Kiss him hard and let him go.

Yes, let him go.

Then, when you’re ready, seek the man you can believe, whose actions match his words.

He will stand proudly by your side, honored beyond belief to weave his fingers through yours.

He will have integrity tattooed on his soul and radiating pools of golden-flecked kindness in his eyes.

He will be honest as shit with you because he’s honest as shit with himself.

He will not play circus-themed mind games because he’d rather buck up and bare his heart.

He will be brave enough to love you in all your messy, loud, tear-stained, gorgeously scarred glory.

He will not be perfect, but his flaws will compliment yours perfectly.

He exists.

Don’t settle for his cheap, a**hole imposter.

Because you, beautiful soul, you deserve the real thing.

The Rest of My Saturday with TC

One of the first things I brought up with TC after breakfast was the way his body quakes and trembles whenever I touch him. Even the slightest touch… I think that will forever fascinate me. Or, at least I hope it will!

After finishing coffee, we moved over to the bed so I could give him a back rub. I wanted to get him good and relaxed enough that he might be able to fall back asleep again, but no such “luck”. Instead, he rolled over and told me he was ready for a snack ;) So I complied by climbing up to the head of the bed, grabbing onto the headboard and sitting on his face.

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