Reunited

The last 10 days have been a mix of emotions for me.

When you love something so much, it’s hard to let it go free. But the joy you feel when they come back is the most amazing feeling you will ever have!!

I hope you never have to feel that terrible emptiness, but I wish you all the joy of their return! 💕💗😘 🥰

Monday Motivation: The Future

Usually I don’t look forward

I typically look back when I’m trying to find answers

And place blame…

… searching for reasons to explain why I am who I am

Maybe my answers aren’t in my past

Maybe they’re in the present

Maybe I’m my only problem

I don’t want to be who I’ve become

But I can’t keep blaming my past

It’s over and what’s done is done

I may not know my meaning right now, but my future will help me discover it

It’s up to me to keep myself open and hopeful;

Try new things with an open and unjudging spirit;

Learn to trust my intuition again

The future can teach me more than the past ever could!

Struggling with Self-Love

I need your help…

How does one just start loving themself?

If they don’t already love themself?

My reason for quantifying it like that:
I think it’s hard – for a person who already loves themself, and has always loved themself – to understand or advise on this. I mean, what struggle does that person have to pull from? How can they sympathize?

Struggling with Purpose

There was a time, a very long time ago, when my children were young

They needed me

We would go places and do things, like people do

And it was difficult sometimes, but we did it

For a while there, my life had some sort of meaning…

Struggling with Self-Control

Working through my ‘new’ allergies (or whatever-the-fuck-they-are) has made things a bit more challenging than I would prefer.

I guess it serves me right for all those times I thought someone was faking their food allergy.

And trying to keep my drinking in check is barely working at all 😦

So, what happens is:

I spend my entire week (through thoughts of suicide and self-destruction) trying to build myself up and tell myself that I am amazing and smart and worth it – basically, trying to love myself…

(Trust me, it’s not easy fighting the thoughts that I am insane and shit. You *totally* don’t help me. Check it out):

Idiotic Ramblings of a Lost Soul

Interesting conundrum:

I need to love myself more and start believing that I am, in fact, relevant and worthy.

However, I also need to remember that the world doesn’t revolve around me and my heightened sense of self is irrational

How do I reconcile the two?

Resonance

If you’re a bank robber, you attract bank robbers

People who go to Church on Sundays, hang out with people who go to Church on Sundays

Peacocks are not attracted to pigeons

C-chords will recognize another c-chord and resonate

… becoming the mop and broom for other people, because you don’t know your own self…

… automatically, narcissistic people are manifested in your life…

—- Me, right now —-

But I am choosing to be alone, and learn myself.

Right now, I just need to focus on me.

Like all y’all, be safe and care mostly about your own self and well-being.

Jiggly Bits and Insecurities: REVISITED

(Original post here, but they’re pretty much the same)

I have learned very recently that most men don’t give a crap about jiggly bits. Even younger men…

Less

10/19/2020 (a Monday)

Less drunk. Less mad. Less hate.

Not drunk at all, as a matter of fact. But it took me a full day to recover from it.

Still there is hate and anger, but much less today than the past week – it was relentless (hence the over-drinking Friday and Saturday).

Got another 100% on my Master Herbalist course. It feels good, but I’m not exactly into it, per se. I hope I can get into it more when I get to learning more about the actual plants, and making stuff, instead of the botany sections where I am presently.