I’ve been holding out to get a smart phone.
Last week, right before my trip to Houston, I finally relented and ordered one.
As a reward to myself for waiting so very long, I decided to splurge and get the new Samsung Galaxy S6 (not the Edge – even though I kind of wish I had… The one I have is $8 less a month).
As my emotions start to clear out of my head a bit, I am less confused on some things and more on others: less about TC and more about me.
Actually, TC is quite simple here. He’s not even being mean about it. He’s just being himself and I can’t fault him for that. He’s vulnerable with me in the ways he’s comfortable being vulnerable with me when he feels comfortable. It’s only confusing to me because he can be so open, but then he becomes so closed off. It’s like a switch is flipped, turning things inside of him on and off in an instant. I am not really defending him as much as stating a fact.
The weekend was nice, but I can’t say that I am any less confused. Maybe now I’m confused differently I guess?
Friday was absolutely lovely! It started out a bit awkward because of our fight and the fact that we’d only talked a couple of times since, but once we passed the initial discomfort, things went great.
Most of Saturday, too.
We watched TV, had sex, talked, got reacquainted with each other…
But, yet again, Saturday night got all fucked up. Except last month I was asking if he was okay over and over again and this time it was him asking if *I* was okay over and over again.
Re-blog of the original post on Om Swami: 24 Jul 2015 05:30 PM PDT
I once read a quote that said, “Love me and I’ll move mountains for you. Hurt me and I’ll drop those mountains on your head.” I think this basically sums up two aspects of our lives. One, how love, or lack of it, can make us feel about someone (or ourselves) and two, how we have mistaken self-gratification for love. Does love really mean that you will always be happy in a relationship? We are naturally miffed when things don’t go our way or when the other person doesn’t behave the way we expect them to.
Right now I am on my second visit to TC.
I have total mixed feelings about it. Sometimes I am totally excited and then, other times…
I don’t know, you tell me –
Some days I feel more like a goddess than others…