Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

F*** Life

Seriously…

Life has been beating me up recently

It doesn’t help that I can’t stop thinking about killing myself

(I do recognize how those two statements are related to each other in an evil downward spiral)

We’ll start in the middle because I don’t feel like writing about the beginning quite yet…

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Life Goals

I guess I’m supposed to have them, right?

Every time I set a life goal for myself, I rationalize myself out of it

Or I make it totally un-achievable or something

So then I can hate all over myself for failing

Or quitting

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Forgive and Forget?

Check out my new post!

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Loneliness

It’s Christmas.

You’re the only thing that I miss.

There’s no reason; I never meant anything to you; you never got me a gift.

Holidays were just a time for you to ignore me. Read the rest of this entry »

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Ewww (Blech)

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My First Meeting

So… last Thursday night I finally bit the bullet and went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting

I’d been sober for 12 days and it was getting tougher and tougher to resist stopping at the liquor store on my way home from work

Two weeks seems to be about all I can handle before I need to cave and buy another bottle

Therefore

Meeting

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Suicidal Ideation

“A person with suicidal ideation may not ask for help. However, that does not mean help is not needed or wanted. Many people who die by suicide do not actually wish for death – they only want the pain to go away. Prevention of suicide begins with recognizing  the warning signs of suicidal behaviors and taking action.”¹

I need help…

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What She Wants

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Hysterical Reaction

Three weeks ago my face swelled up from an allergic reaction (or something)

To what? I have no idea. As far as I know, I have no allergies.

So, after a weekend of terrible snowy weather and barely being able to see out of my eye holes, I went to urgent care first thing Monday morning. (looking like I had been in a terrible fight and gotten the shit kicked out of me!!)

The lovely Dr. there wouldn’t help me because the reaction was too severe and my blood test results wouldn’t come back for 2-3 days!!! (urgent care, my ass!)

So, it was off to the hospital with my sorry face…

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New Addition

Meet my “new” doggie: Tori

She’s a Newfoundland

We’ve been together 10 weeks now

She was surrendered to the shelter after living with the same family for 10 years (her whole fucking life – and they just let her go)!!

I don’t know all of her story, but I wish I did

It would probably make it easier to understand her

She’s afraid of all other dogs, to the point she wants to attack them before they can attack her

But then, I am kind of afraid of all other people to the point I want to attack them before they can attack me, so maybe we’re well-matched Read the rest of this entry »

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