I’m not a big Rolling Stones fan, but this song got stuck in my head while I was writing yesterday’s post…
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My Psychotic Break (Part 2)
To read Part 1, click HERE
After all that bullshit, we didn’t have another interaction for 6 days.
And it’s the 5th week of barely any contact…
On that Friday afternoon, he sent me a text. “You won’t believe it, but I hyperextended my knee playing basketball last night.”
He was right. I didn’t believe it…
“Oh, that’s terrible,” I answered.
There were a few more trite comments where I tried to be nice and pretend like I gave a shit.
Then our chat was over.
He’s Gone
He’s gone. I shouldn’t be so sad anymore.
But I am.
He’s gone. I should feel relief instead of loneliness.
But I don’t.
He’s gone. I need reach out to others for support.
But I can’t.
He’s gone. I still hate myself for being so stupid.
But I’m not.
He’s gone. So, why am I still broken?
Because he never refilled my cup.
After drinking so selfishly from it…
Forgive Yourself
My Psychotic Break (Part 1)
After I told all you folks that I was completely done with Alaska and never ever in a million years going to take him back,
I took him back.
I was so ashamed that I couldn’t write about it.
Just like all those other times before I stopped writing because of him.
Because I didn’t want to hear your objections.
Because you were right.
And at the end end of it all, I ultimately broke.
Bipolarity
I’ve been seeing a shrink
It started after I told Thing #1 I wanted to kill myself and asked if she wanted to come with
That was when I finally realized I was out of control
It’s been since high school, some 30 years ago that I’ve felt so self-destructive
My Stolen Self
I hate you for stealing me from myself
I am so broken that all I can see is the ugly in people
Taking advantage of those who are generous
Lying, cheating and stealing to get what they want
Or to hurt someone deeply
Intentionally
And I am becoming that person
I’ve lost my trust
My willingness to help
It’s so hard to be nice
To remember that everyone has a story I don’t know
My heart used to be eager
Innocent
But it’s dead now
Or maybe in a coma
I’m Over It
Kink isn’t my thing.
I tried it and I like it.
But I am unable to find a compatible partner.
And I’m sick of trying.
It hurts too much.
Trying Something New
I Quit!
All I ever do is quit.
When I get frustrated, I quit.
When the choices get too hard, I quit.
Quitting is my go-to.
I run away from relationships, friendships, even strangers.
But I guess it’s not always bad.
I quit smoking
I quit drinking soda
I quit my “almost relationship”
BUT
I still need to quit my drinking
My procrastinating
My self-loathing
Living in the past, fearing change, trying to please everyone, overthinking…
And probably a million other things…
Wednesday’s Daily Prompt: Quit
