I have been married for 18 years, we have been together for 21. My 42-year-old husband neglects himself to the point of incontinence, sleeps 10-14 hours a day, eats relentlessly, refuses to do any exercise outside of work, hasn’t had sex with me (or even attempted it) for over 3 years (I am not sure it even works any more <sad>), tells me that because I pay all the bills he doesn’t expect me to do ANY of the housework but he doesn’t do any either – is my apartment just supposed to clean itself magically (!?!?). And HEAVEN FORBID I hurt his exponentially-sensitive feelings. OMG! That results in door-slamming and rude comments under his breath for a week! What do you think my two teenage daughters are learning from that? I have commented to him that he needs to start acting more like a 42-year-old MAN and less like a but-hurt 15-year-old girl! But he continues to smoke his pack of cigarettes a day, shit all over the freshly-cleaned toilet, pee all over the freshly-mopped floor, leave his garbage wherever it falls and basically wait for everything to just get handed to him on that silver platter. And if it doesn’t get straight-up handed to him (with no effort on his part) it must not have “meant to be”.
Here’s the deal. He’s been telling me since we met that he will probably die before he turns 60 — because NO MAN on his father’s side has lived past 60 (please note, his father has NOW lived to the ripe old age of 68!!!). As a result of this self-fulfilling prophecy, his self-neglect has made him a very sick man, and I can’t say “I told you so” to him (even though I did tell him so over and over again). About 14 years ago, he had an attack of Bells Palsy. Long story short, for the first 36 hours the doctors at the hospital thought he had a stroke. Our daughters were 2 and 4 at the time. I thought this opened his eyes to his mortality (because he freaking SAID it did) and that he would start taking better care of himself. He did not. Once he was released from the hospital it was like it never ever happened. He continued to eat crap and neglect his body.
Last year he got a toothpick stuck in his foot. He went to the urgent care. The urgent care doctor told him that he had to go to a podiatrist because he let it get too infected. BUT, the urgent care doctor also, freaked OUT because the man’s blood pressure was so high – 180/140. He was:
- Given a prescription to lower his blood pressure,
- Instructed to make ANOTHER doctors appointment with him to address the High Blood Pressure
- Go to the podiatrist to get the toothpick removed.
The dumbass husband did 1) and 3). He took the medication until it ran out and then continued to neglect his body.
At this point he told our at-the-time-16-year-old daughter that he would probably not live to see her graduate! WTF kind of thing is that to say to your teenager?!?
This year, on Valentines Day, he had to walk his ass to the hospital and admit himself (because I was at work, trying to earn money to pay the bills — he reminds me of the Offspring song “Get a Job“) because he had been throwing up for 3 days, he had a fever and could barely stand up without falling I am surprised that he made it to the hospital 4 blocks away! After waiting in an emergency room “holding cell” for over 6 hours, he was admitted to ICU for kidney failure because of chronic high blood pressure! He spent 2.5 weeks in the hospital while the doctors tried to figure out all that was wrong with him. After that, he had to go to dialysis 3 times a week for almost 2 months and he had to go to an eye doctor to have laser surgery to remove the fluid buildup behind his eyes. If none of that taught him anything, nothing will.
I really don’t mean to sound uncaring, but he’s perfectly content to have his kidneys functioning at 30%, as long as he doesn’t have to do dialysis any more. He hasn’t paid a SINGLE one of his hospital bills, or even made an attempt. The bill collectors will turn into Process Servers, Collection Agencies and Attorneys right around Christmas-time… Woo hoo!
He has given up on himself, how am I supposed to give a s***?