Most of the time I am wrong.
Don’t ask me why I do this – maybe to test my “strength”? I am always afraid that he is going to get sick of me, so I don’t want to make a pest of myself. Plus, I tell myself that if he wants to (or he’s not busy) he will call.One week I actually made it from Sunday afternoon to the following Saturday morning without talking to him! I sent him a couple sexy texts on Wednesday and Thursday – because I was REALLY thinking about him and stuff. But by the time I actually talked to him, I had already had two complete emotional breakdowns and enough tequila to knock out a young elephant! (j/k – I was just dreaming about having that much tequila – doh… but I am serious about the emotions. Man, that hormone roller-coaster gets me every single time. And DAMN, cleaning up the mess it leaves can really sting!)
So this week again, I’m probably not going to get to see him until Saturday night, but that’s the nature of this beast.
<sigh> another whole week of waiting
As you can read, I have survived before and I shall survive again! It helps that right now I am in a mood that says: “Why waste my few short times of happiness with him wishing that there was more?” (Last night’s amazing phone sex aside…) This week it looks like I can manage without the tequila!
One of the things about Loverman that I am the most thankful for is: the longer he and I are together, the more I become capable of dealing with the sad things and dwelling on the happy things. He really has helped me grow as a person (however, he is just as catty as I am when it comes to judging overweight people who can’t dress…) — I know it isn’t him that helped me grow, not intentionally anyway… But I understand that it’s the choices I make about how I look at things that allowed me to grow within myself. Regardless, I spend a lot less time now lamenting what could/should have been and a lot more time being thankful for what I really do have.
My Sexy Loverman is really the person that brought about that change in my attitude.
The world is too random. I have no idea what will happen in the next 5 minutes and I have a tendency to be a bit “fatalistic” (I call it realistic. The husband says otherwise – but I really don’t care what he thinks anyway).
Sometimes, I can’t maintain “my inner peace” and I feel like my world has pretty much shattered to pieces around me. But, that’s really only about 4 days a month and I know those days are bound to be looming out there for everyone. So, I “hunker down” and try to tell myself that I will only feel this way for a couple more days. Nothing is wrong with the way things are, just the way I am looking at them – and that will change very soon…