Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes


on September 13, 2012

Inside my head I have tossed about whether or not I want to share this story with people. To this day I haven’t told a single person because I am ashamed to admit what happened and how I feel about it now. But, if I really am treating this like my diary and I am laying it open for strangers to read me and judge me and maybe help me understand me (and hopefully other people) a little more, I should probably tell you that I made a choice 2 summers ago that was a horrible, horrible choice.

I messed around with a 25-year-old boy.

I’ve always been a flirt, it’s fun, but no one has ever taken me seriously before, especially guys I worked with (except my Loverman – I actually wanted him and flirting with him was completely and utterly different)!

So… Young Man and I were both at the same holiday work party and we had both been drinking a little.
(FYI – Loverman hadn’t been talking to me for about 8 weeks at this point. He was being petty about something I said when I was frustrated with him. So he was refusing to talk to me in any way, shape or form. That was a very low time for me – I don’t like looking back ot how hurt and confused and lost I was. Anyway…)
Young Man’s face got kind of close to mine… There was some heavy breathing… Hands may have wandered up my shirt… My hand may have grabbed onto something rising up in his pants…  But, that was all it was! Drinking and flirting and touching — still wrong, I know…

The next night we worked together I talked to Young Man about it. Told him that there was no way that it would be any more than that one night and that one time. Well, because we worked together, he had my phone number and he sold really good smoke so I had his number…

But… Things started getting extremely awkward with him so I stopped getting my smoke from him and I asked him to stop calling/texting me. I even tried scare tactics (because sometimes the truth is very scary):

  • I told him that the dentist had to pull all except for 8 of my teeth
  • I told him that I had another seizure and I wasn’t allowed to drive any more
  • I told him that my husband is super sick and getting weekly dialysis treatments

The calls and texts stopped for a few months — I thought he had lost interest (maybe he had a girlfriend) — WOO HOO!  Then, one day out of the blue he texted me, to tell me where his new apartment was — YAY! across the fucking apartment complex from mine! Oh, Shit! Luck really would have it that he would move here, of all places! His last apartment wasn’t even close to my neighborhood, and he liked it there – WTF!?!?

I never told him where I lived.

I am flattered, to say the least. Creepified, to say the most.

I don’t think that he chose his apartment knowing that I live there – I think it’s just a very very creepy coincidence (probably life’s funny way of reminding me to be way more careful!). Also, I can’t understand his persistence. I am very flattered, but what the hell is it about me? Is it that he can’t have me? Because if he could, I think he would be sorely disappointed with my 40-year-old, stretched-out, wrinkly, saggy body (at least that’s what I would expect a 27-year-old to think). And I am even more sure that there are plenty of ladies out there that are my age that actually want to screw a 27-year-old!

Plus, he is completely clueless about when to call, how to act and what to say when he does call. He gets offended and sends me a rude text if I don’t pick up the phone or respond to him immediately. I have told him more than once that I am a mother of two teenage girls and I am very careful about what I say and how I act around them. Also, he knows that I am married. So, why he expects that I can have a sexual conversation with him at 6PM while normal families are eating dinner is completely beyond me.

I am relieved that this only happens a couple of days a month and he stops after I answer him and say “no, we can’t do this”. But then, he’s back at it again in a couple of weeks! He’s nothing if he isn’t persistent.

It’s all very surreal, because I certainly don’t consider myself to be a “cougar” or a “MILF”. I do think that I am an attractive and, at times, extremely sexy woman – but a “cougar”?!?!…

Flirting with him, leading him on, touching him and letting him touch me.
WOW! Bad choice, bad choice, bad choice. Complete lack of good judgement on my part (or any judgement at all, really). I had no idea I had so much power! Shit!

I understand that this is kind of pretty serious, but it’s crazy funny to me.

I don’t want to have sex with that boy! I want him to leave me alone. Every time I tell him that it can’t work. I am too old. I am busy enough and complicated enough already. It seems like he becomes more intrigued.

But this boy’s antics make me feel so horribly, horribly good and I kind of don’t want him to stop.

How bad is that?

5 responses to “Flattered?

  1. hiddinsight says:

    I get it. It’s normal but most people wouldn’t admit it. You’re just being honest, but this will get you no where good. Get a new cell number.

  2. bristolmary says:

    It’s normal feelings, it’s flattering that when you get to our age (35+ shall we say!) that someone a lot younger fancies us or ‘wants us’ I mean who wouldn’t feel flattered and excited by that. I’m 36, my partner turned 50 in February this year…..a lot of his mates made comments at the start about him getting someone so much younger than him and he admits he liked the comments.

    However, you’re now at risk, he’s living just across from you, what’s to stop him coming over? Turning up when your family is there? I don’t want to scare you but these are now real risks. You have to get him to stop or he could ruin things for you and it’s obvious this isn’t worth it. As hiddinsight says, change your number, and you need to decide how much you can risk or lay down ground rules etc .

    • Well said. You’re right about all that “scary” stuff… I have thought about it a lot, and I worry about it a little bit too. I am WAY more careful about locking the front door and making sure the vehicle is completely locked up. He doesn’t know what apartment building or number – he just knows that I live across the street and he knows what vehicle I drive (the complex has 19 buildings). I guess I am more worried about when I DON’T return his call/text. At least when I respond, even when I tell him “no”, that seems to be all he needs to hear… What if he starts “checking up” on me? Believe me, I have thought about many scenarios. That’s why I posted here – I wanted to see if it’s as bad as it seems. (stupid choices )

      I think that MY reality is not HIS reality. He is a single 27-year-old, attractive male (pretty rough around the edges, and still very “green”). I might TELL him that I have two teenage daughters, but he’s never seen them so it’s not a part of his reality. He’s fairly self-absorbed. So, I think it’s just that every time he thinks of me, he lets me know. And I pass through his mind about every other week.

      My lease is up next August. For now, I have blocked his number. We shall see what that gets me…

      I’ll keep you posted 😉

  3. confessionsofyourhusbandsmistress says:

    It sounds very much like an immature kid who isn’t getting the “subtle” hints. Yikes! Good luck.

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