Nothing new here…
I’m lonely again (still?).
I miss him again (still?).
This weekend a friend of mine told me that I shouldn’t give him so much control over how I feel.
I know she’s concerned, but I don’t really feel like I am giving him “control” per se… I am not miserable because I am missing him, my life isn’t stopping or anything like that… I go on like everyone else.
But, I can’t just stop missing him! That feeling needs to happen in order for me to function as a ‘normal’ human being. Just because a feeling is a negative feeling and I don’t like feeling it, doesn’t mean I need to shut it away.
I just need to learn how to temper it — to learn how to cope. Recently, I believe I have been mostly successful. This blog has helped me immensely — writing my thoughts down helps me understand and define them.
I know that (mostly) I am in full control my feelings and there are times when I want to feel him a lot closer to me than he actually is.
Those are the times when I miss him and I start to feel lonely.
I know that I can shove that feeling into the back of my head and feel something else, something “better”, for a while. But then the “missing him” feeling is even more intense when it creeps back into my consciousness and therefore, harder to abate.
Kind of, a little bit, I like missing him; and it’s comforting to me to know when/if he misses me, too.
To a point, maybe it’s good to walk a lonely Red Road every so often. Quite possibly, it helps us to better appreciate the time we do get to spend together with the ones we care about most deeply.
- A Week is Too Long!
- The Strong – on Play the Objective
- The Invisible Search – on HastyWords
- The Colors We Wear