People Change

People Change

change word cloud

Here’s my bright light for this morning…

I don’t talk about my parents very much. We are very, very different people. I don’t like how they raised me and they don’t like person that I have become. In fact, getting away from them is something that I didn’t realize I needed to do until I moved far, far away from them.

But, recently, my mother seems to be making a very nice effort of trying to be a nurturing mother.

I was afraid to tell her that I broke my ankle… It’s unfortunate, but I let people’s words get to me, and my parents were not (shall we say) very good self-esteem builders. They would say things that would make everything seem like it was my fault — like each time something went wrong, I was the cause of the wrongness. That can get to a kid after a while…

So, I waited to call and tell her that I had broken my ankle until the day before my surgery (5 days after I had broken it). Listening to her talk over the phone, I could tell that she was hurt because I waited so long to tell her. Truth be told, I didn’t want her to come out here and start “helping” me — she’s getting better at being a mom, but I am just not that ready yet. She was awesome on that call — she said everything I would have said to one of my daughters if it happened to one of them and I regretted (a little bit) waiting to tell her.

She’s been great through this (even though it has only been 19 days). She’s checking up on my progress regularly, but not annoyingly so. And she does seem genuinely concerned that I am hurt and that I am upset. In the “olden days” I would have been told to “buck it up, it’s not that bad. There are plenty of people out there that have it worse than you.” In fact, when I sprained my ankle in High School and the doctor told me not to walk on it for 2 weeks and prescribed me Codeine, my parents took away my pain medication and flushed it down the toilet because they “didn’t want me to become an addict.” Then, my mother told me that I needed to start walking on it the next day or it would never get better (amazingly, that is NOT the ankle that I just broke!).

Anyway, I wanted to share with you the wonderful tidbit that was waiting for me in my in-box this morning 🙂 because it is absolutely nothing like my mother used to be and reading her words made me feel better (for the first time I can remember).

Here is the email that I wrote to her last night telling her what happened at the Dr. yesterday and the day before:

Hi, Mom

The appointment went good and bad.

GOOD: I got a walking cast under the condition that I NOT WALK ON IT until they tell me it’s okay. I agreed — that was an easy one. The cast comes off so I can wash my leg and I can take a shower — this weekend we’re going to the thrift store to see if we can find a shower chair for me so we don’t have to worry about my slipping and breaking it again (or something else). This made me very excited until…

BAD: I had to get an ultrasound and I have a blood clot in my left leg. So, today I had to go to my GP and get a couple of prescriptions for blood thinners. I have to give myself shots in the belly twice a day for the next 5-7 days, until my Coumadin levels are high enough. Then I am supposed to be taking Coumadin once a day for a year until the Doctor tells me I’m okay. I get to go in and have my blood levels tested 2-3 times a week. Yay! I’m not old enough to be this old yet, am I?

We are so broke right now! The shots cost $100 WITH my insurance (they would have been $900 otherwise – OMG!), every doctor I have to go to is a new co-pay <sigh>.

AFLAC won’t let me process the claim until all of my “treatments” are done (including physical therapy) so my hands are tied until next March or April.

I’m not feeling any holiday spirit, Mom. I am crabby and angry and short-tempered and every time I start to feel a little better because I had a good day (which isn’t happening very often any more) something happens that makes me feel like it was stupid to waste my time feeling happy.

I’m sorry this was such a crabby letter. I am sad and frustrated and very discouraged. I don’t have very much happiness to share right now…
(Yay, I got a walking cast!)

Love,
XXXXX

And this was her loving and understanding response:

I bet it feels good to take the cast off, if only for a shower!  Good girl for following dr’s orders.  I know what a pain it is to be taking a blood thinner.  I’ve done the shots before, did they tell you there so it gets into your system faster. Also, you will bruise more & it might be harder to stop bleeding from a cut, i.e.shaving.  🙂   Plus, it’s a pain in the rump to have to go in to have your level tested.  I’ve been doing my own testing now for a couple of years.  I do it just like testing my glucose.  They’ll probably have you take an aspirin a day after all of this.  Which isn’t a bad idea just generally.  What made them suspect the clot?
 
I’m sure you will, but keep really good records of all your expenses for when you can file a claim.  Just try to dwell on the good things that happen even though it’s easy for

Floral Corner

everything else to get you down.  When you get on the other side of all this something will stand out, but I know that’s really hard to see now.

 

I love you and am praying for a full & complete mending of your ankle so you can be back skating this summer.  Hang in there & I’m attaching a huge hug!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I wish I could give it to you in person.
 
mom
What loving and wonderful words to say to your daughter. They made me cry happy tears.
That letter made my day!

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4 thoughts on “People Change

  1. So glad you got the encouragement from your mom.

    Health wise have you been tested for a genetic blood clotting disorder? I only ask because I have Factor 5 Leiden as does my mom. It sounds like your mom has clotting issues as well. If you’ve not already done so genetic testing may be something to consider.

    The shots, oh my God they suck. Hand in there it will all be over before you know it and then it can just be a crappy memory!

    1. Thank you — it felt very nice (strange… but nice) and unexpected for my mom to support me like that.

      This blood clot is just because I had surgery on my left ankle 2 weeks ago. I think it’s just my leg getting back at me because I can’t do anything with it 😉 and it’s tired and lonely — jealous of how much I keep using my right leg, maybe? LOL.
      My mother has a prolapsed heart valve since she was little because of Rheumatic Fever — her issues are because of that.

      Thanks for identifying with me and those freaking shots! But, that stinks for you and your mom — hopefully you don’t have to go through it very often. This morning I broke down crying like a baby right in front of my 15-year-old. I am SO GLAD that my children are old enough to be there for me 🙂 and I don’t have to feel bad for being vulnerable.

      Yes, I am waiting for this to become a bad, old memory…

  2. you know..its hard when so many of our adult issues stem from poor parenting. part of me feels that as they learned more, they became better people, and therefore better parents. if we are lucky enough, we see the kind of parents they should have been to us, when we see them interact with our children. its hard to accept that security of a parent who is trying to re-invent a new relationship. i also think its very telling in relationship to the whole dynamic of cheating and being betrayed and then staying and learning to trust again. its quite similar in its process. minus the sexual betrayal. but these scars from childhood run deep and are very hard to get over. i applaud you for working through it emotionally, at a time when you are spread very thin. and i am thankful she responded as you hope a mother would. its something many people just take for granted.

    1. You are so correct, it is really difficult for me to let her in, at this point in my life, after all of the good things I have learned (on my own, as an adult) about “being myself”. She didn’t help me with that, and it’s hard for me to want to share that part of me with her because it’s such a different me (I hope that made sense?).

      Also, unfortunately, I don’t like the way she treats my kids — it’s very reminiscent of how she treated me. But, they don’t like her, and that’s okay… Hopefully their relationship with her can evolve eventually as well.

      Thank you for your positivity!!

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