I’ve been having some self-confidence issues lately. I am just not feeling as strong and vital and vibrant as I am used to feeling and some days it even affects my self-esteem. It will work itself out, I know — soon my ankle will be healed and I will be doing all the things I am used to doing and my self will be back to its normal self-loving self.
I’m sure that my inability to effectively do any cardio is part of it. I wouldn’t say that I am addicted to exercise, but I really miss those walks I took on my lunch breaks (and sunshine and roller skating and yoga and tai chi…)!
Also, my dependence on others is another bit of it. I feel better about myself if I can be doing things for myself. I do not think that needing people all the time promotes much self-confidence.
Not to mention the car accident in which Loverman’s car was involved. That definitely did not improve my self-confidence.
But we did get to go out to dinner Christmas Eve and enjoy each others’ company for a couple of hours — that was definitely nice! But again, because I am broken there are limited things we can do (I jokingly suggested that we go to the mall one day and I was given the “what for” by Loverman) and he doesn’t make same sexual advances like he used to. It’s times like that where I wonder if OUR relationship is starting to get stale and boring for him and maybe I am just a “burden” as I so often am feeling right now.
It didn’t help that I got a Facebook message from one of the girls (she’s 20) at the rink where we skate on Saturdays telling me that she got a Christmas present for (my) Loverman and wants to know when she can give it to him (Loverman refuses to do the Facebook-thing!). I think she wants a piece of my man!!! On Halloween, she introduced Loverman as “the coolest guy in the whole world” in front of her boyfriend (he IS, but HOW RUDE…) and the way she acts around him and looks at him… You have to see it! Generally speaking, where Loverman is concerned, I am only jealous of his wife — and that’s only because she gets to be around him all the time and that’s where I want to be! In the case of this “young woman”, I think I am only feeling possessive because I am “broken” right now and I am feeling very replace-able. I told Loverman about this when we were out Christmas Eve. I tried to be very adult about it and just tell him, straight up, that I feel a little threatened by this girl right now and I told him why. He laughed at me, because it’s silly (it IS silly!!!), but he TOLD me that it was silly and that he still likes me even though I am broken, blah, blah, blah… And that he would be a pretty crappy guy if he just left me because I was broken (Awwwwwww!!).
It made me feel a little better.
Needless to say, I have been in need of some sexual validation lately and I went about trying to get some this morning. But right now Loverman is still sleeping from having to work all night and I haven’t gotten his response yet (but, if it’s anything like that one time, I might just be disappointed).
So, for your viewing pleasure (and my sexual (re)validation), here are a couple of the pictures that I sent to him this morning and the words that went along with them:
The first picture was one of my face, so you don’t get to see that one 😉 But, that message said:
Good morning, Sexy Security Man! I hope these pictures help to wake you up, if you know what I mean!
I don’t know, but it seems like it’s missing something…
Maybe I should have sent him a song instead…