Usually I can manage the mood swings. Usually the mood swings only last 2-3 days and then I get my period and things go back to normal for another 25-28 days. Usually I don’t have a broken ankle and have to be on blood thinners because of a blood clot in my leg. Usually I know exactly what’s going to happen and I don’t have a weeks’ worth of anxiety built up inside of me.
This is the first time, in a LONG time, that I have actually wanted to get my period (even my 15-year-old daughter commented last night that she thinks it’s hysterical that I am actually wanting to get my period!). My emotions have been on turbo-shuffle for 6 days now and last night I just couldn’t keep up mentally. I just wanted my “time of the month” to come so I could go “back to normal”.
Like I said, usually the mood swings only last 2-3 days — that is do-able. I can cope with the ever-changing emotional roller coaster for those 2-3 days, I just have to slow down and think a VERY LONG time before I respond to people and remember that my anger and frustration is just my stifling emotions getting the best of me. But last night I lost total control, my strength for holding back was gone. My coping mechanism had clocked out and gone home for the day.
It all started because I sent him a sexy text yesterday morning and I was waiting for him to respond.
After waiting all day for nothing, it seemed like he was just blowing me off… And while I was waiting I kept getting madder and madder at him for ignoring me. So, by the time he responded to my text with “call me when you get off”, I was completely bent out of shape (for NO reason at all).
Because I was frustrated, I decided I would ignore HIM for a little while to see how he liked it (that NEVER works, I don’t know why I keep trying it…). The car needed one of the tires pumped back up and the brake fluid needed to be topped off, so I thought I would do all that before I called Loverman.
** FYI, it’s difficult for me to get anywhere or do anything with my crutches and it’s even harder to do those things on crutches while talking on the phone which is part of the reason I waited to call him. I told him that… I do remember that part of our conversation. **
Well, it turns out that “call me when you get off” really meant “call me right now, I’m just down the street from your office”. But, I DIDN’T KNOW THAT BECAUSE THAT’S NOT WHAT HE SAID! So, I went about my business taking care of the car and called him when I was done.
He was two blocks away from where I was and I couldn’t stop being angry for long enough to listen to what he was saying to me!! And then I got even angrier because I was mad at myself for screwing up what could have been a sweet little rendezvous.
That is when I proceeded to be a super-mega-bitch-from-hell! I am sure that is an exaggeration, but I was so crazy I can barely remember the things that I said to him. I do know that was not the craziest I have ever been with him, but it had been ages since I let that monster out of the closet.
I was so mean to Loverman that I think he hung up on me! (I say “I think he hung up on me” because he answered the phone when I called him back and told me that his new phone hung up on me — it’s okay, I was being stupid-crazy and I deserved it if he did it! Also, it helped to calm me down a bit, because the last time he hung up on me, he didn’t talk to me for 5 months!)
The way I acted was totally stupid, because I know that Loverman has other obligations besides me. In reality I understand that I am not the only person that Loverman needs to be there for. In reality I know that he cares about me very, very much and he would not consciously ignore me or hurt me. In reality I feel special every day that he has chosen to include me as one of his closest friends.
And I did finally get my period last night. Now I hope that my emotions can go back to being somewhat consistent again. Maybe it’s just psychosomatic, but I felt a million times more stable when I woke up this morning… There was no inexplicable desire to bawl my eyes out, no desire to tear out someone’s heart and eat it in front of them, I even made it through my morning commute without swearing at anyone! (really there was no traffic to swear at, but I will take my victories where I can get them!)
I called him this morning and apologized for my craziness. I didn’t make any excuses, I just apologized for being a crazy-ass bitch.
My Sexy Loverman accepted my apology with a simple “thank you” and then went to my office and waited in the parking lot to save a Handicapped parking spot for me.
I am SO lucky!!! I am SO grateful!!