Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Husband Swap

on March 6, 2013
Lonely Womanby Villemo666H

Lonely Woman
by Villemo666H

I don’t talk about Loverman’s wife (aka Diva) here very much. Just the occasional jealous post, etc… I have never met her, I have never seen her, I have never even been to their house, but I know where it is. Loverman is trying to protect me, but both his wife and step-son know about me — in the same way that my family knows about him.

You know how yesterday I wrote that things are changing? Lately I can see that his marriage has been changing, too. And not in the good way.

His step-son, “C”, missed 48 days of school before winter break this year — if you put all the days together, that’s over 9 school weeks missed out of 15! Loverman had been keeping track of the missed days and started thinking about the consequences for C if he didn’t start going to school. One day he went into the office to see how bad it really was and the Assistant Principal said that if C comes to school every single day for the rest of the year and completes all his homework assignments and shows that he’s making and effort to learn he MIGHT get to move on to the next grade next fall. OMG!! When Loverman brought it up with Diva, she said “That’s my son and I am a grown woman. I know exactly what’s going on with him and I am taking care of it.” Loverman was really pissed that she was taking her son’s education so lightly and, now, has taken the responsibility onto himself to make sure that his step-son C gets a reasonable education. But, the poor boy’s mother doesn’t seem to give a flying you-know-what!

I find that entire situation strange on her part because Diva spent a large part of the summer last year trying to find a good school for C to attend — one that had a good reputation, etc…

She is going out more regularly with her friends to bars (Loverman says that her friends are cross-dressing men that like to go to the gay clubs… I don’t know if that relevant or not, just throwing it out there…). She always liked the club scene, but when they first got married she stopped for a while. When he mentioned that she hasn’t been checking in with them (Loverman and C) when she leaves and gets home, she retorted “I am a grown woman. I don’t need a man telling me what to do.” (That’s what he told me, but I have no reason not to believe him. He’s a truthful man.)

The past three months she has gotten three speeding tickets in the mail and she just got her driver’s license back last spring from it being suspended. In the 7 years that they have been married she has not told him why her license was suspended, just when she would be allowed to get it back.

She crashed into a highway sign on the off-ramp by her house, but she wasn’t caught. The only reason we know is because of the green paint scuffs under the front bumper, the skid marks in front of the sign and the damage to the sign itself. Loverman says he thinks she’s driving home drunk when she leaves the clubs… Two of those speeding tickets were from late at night.

Sometimes I fantasize about trading spouses. You know, like Wife Swap, only husbands and permanent! I’ve joked about it with Loverman before. It’s just that now I think he might be starting to think the same thing…

Husband Swap


15 responses to “Husband Swap

  1. rgonaut says:

    Love the pic.
    Don’t think a trade would work, but you could try.

  2. Confessions of Your Husband's Mistress says:

    wouldn’t it be nice to be able to be the right person instead of trapped in frustrated/unloving relationships? If only things were simpler….

    • Yes, indeed. I think we should get some kind of instruction manual or something. Then we would have the choice to use it for direction or completely ignore it…

  3. letlovego says:

    Hmmm….sounds like she might be living her own life on the side as well. Has LM (Loverman) ever thought of that? Would he be bothered by that? Just curious. Also, I have just started reading your blog and have tried to go back and read older entries too, but wondered what the main reason is, for you guys not being together?

    I haven’t been able to figure out the exact dynamic of your relationship with your husband, except that he sounds like he has some chronic illnesses that he won’t manage, and that maybe he is lazy? And you have SO much free and unaccounted for time (I am very jealous, btw) that you get to spend with LM. Does your husband think he is just a friend? And if so, do you think that he REALLY believes that is all there is to it?

    I hope my questions have not upset you! I am NOT judging. I was just curious and it helps to know some background when I read current posts! It just seems like you guys have been together for so long, and get along so well, see each other quite often, and actually have FUN together and I just wondered what the hold up was, in regard to just taking the plunge and being together.

    Really enjoying your blog….and looking forward to reading more!

    • First, your comment did not upset me 🙂 but thank you for that… And thank you for the nice compliment 🙂
      LM and I have talked about his wife cheating on him a couple of times. He always says, “More power to her.” and I think that’s really how he feels. He’s written off his marriage as well. I am pretty sure in this because he talked about getting his own apartment — he NEVER would have said that even 8 months ago… It’s funny because we actually had a disagreement the other night on whose marriage is less savable, LOL!

      For both of us it’s just a matter of time before our marriages just dissolve and become nothing. Mine has lasted two decades, his only one — but each of us married for convenience and not love… We didn’t know any better because we just didn’t know.

      Yes, my husband is lazy, but I am actually convinced that he is also sociopathic — not in the crazy murderer way, but he doesn’t appear to have any feelings. I am stuck with the husband right now because he favors his younger daughter and she is always siding with him and against me — even when her father is blatantly wrong. I don’t want to break their bond, but I don’t like the influences he has on her… I feel that if I leave her father now, before she truly understands how he is (right now he’s just idealized to her, and I am not looking forward to the day when she realizes that her father doesn’t really love her), she will hate me for “abandoning” her sick and dying father. They are both so melodramatic!!! **sigh** SO, to answer your statement on the dynamic of my relationship with the husband — I am his mother. He needs me to take care of everything because he can do nothing.

      Pretty much LM and I are together… It’s funny what you say about how much time I get to be with him. I never think it’s enough! I often wonder what the husband thinks about my relationship with LM, but he acts like he has no idea… I think he’s just happy that he doesn’t have to take care of me any more (not like he did that good of a job before, I just didn’t know how bad he sucked at it until I met LM.)

      Sorry, that was long…

  4. letlovego says:

    Thanks so much for your reply! And that was NOT too long! I am known to be quite “windy” in the comment sections of people’s blogs and I always feel bad!

    As crazy as it sounds, I really envy you. Not the marriage thing, b/c I am staying with my emotionally abusive husband for other reasons too, and many to do with the fact that I have two daughters, who are young and I want to protect them from his words. He is not blatantly abusive, not at all, and so far he is an awesome father to them. He really does love them. But he has an underlying issue, I believe with respect for women and with treating people respectfully. He also expects perfection out of everyone in his life. So my concern is that this will spill over onto them. And, many might think I should leave now to protect them, but that is not the best thing to do here, as he will have 50/50 custody, and right now, I just want to wait it out, until they are able to speak up for themselves more, and tell me their feelings, should he ever end up making them feel bad. Very messed up dynamic, b/c outwardly, and to the rest of the world, he is successful, handsome and charming. But that is not who I live with or have lived with. And as I said…He DOES love them and treats them well, so far. But I know as they get older and “make mistakes” that his criticisms and negativity and even his tone, could really damage them. He just refuses to get help for his critical, controlling and negative demeanor, which is probably caused by inner self hatred. Whew..that was long!

    What I envy is that your MM has a marriage that is similar to yours, and that it seems like you are both more on the same page, thus, you will probably end up getting to be together one day. I haven’t gotten into it on my own blog yet, but my MM and I have very different marriages and it makes it much harder for me to be okay with continuing to see him. (and we are long distance…also not helpful) His marriage functions, he doesn’t bad mouth her to me, and while their is no passion left for them (and they also got married for the wrong reasons) he does not want to hurt her, and he does not want to walk out on his kids. All classic, stereotypical reasons, for not leaving, I know this. But I also know him and trust him and don’t mind waiting right now, b/c I’m not leaving right away either. But I do have fears about him staying with his wife so long, for all of those reasons, that ultimately he might just not be able to do it when the time comes. You know? I mean, they’ve been married 16 years and together for 21. While I understand staying for the kids, since things aren’t terrible at home, it just seems like it is going to get harder and harder to ever leave, the longer he stays. If he is afraid of hurting her now, can her really wait until she is 50 and they’ve been married 25 years and she’s given him all of her best years and then say…”see ya”? I don’t really think so. But….I guess that is just my own issue, b/c I signed up for this.

    Anyway…thanks for the background and I hope hanging in there for however much longer is needed, isn’t too painful! These situations are really complicated, you know? I NEVER thought I would be in this position. EVER. I would have bet my life on it. And it is not always as cut and dry as “two selfish people” who have no self control. I am NOT condoning anything, of course. I’m just saying. These things are not deliberate. At least it wasn’t for me.

    Hope you have a great day! 🙂

  5. She reminds me of what I have heard about K’s wife. I haven’t met her. I do know what she looks like. But she just seems like such a negative, selfish person. She has posted some crazy, messed up stuff on Facebook. I can’t even see everything, just the few public things.

    Beside that, though, she has gotten a DUI. Not just a DUI, but a DUI where she made the cops chase her. She goes out all of the time. In face, she is going away this weekend for a “girls trip.” There will be lots of bar-hopping, which she does anyway all of the time.

    • Wow! LM’s wife hasn’t gone away with the girls yet, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens…
      That is one messed up DUI! Too bad she didn’t post the video on Facebook, LOL! Loverman speculates on why the wife lost her license. I think it’s crazy that he doesn’t know. The husband’s license was revoked almost 8 years ago, he hasn’t done anything to get it back, but at least I know why it was revoked (unpaid parking tickets — go figure).
      Loverman just started on Facebook, but the wife isn’t one of his friends (yet?) so I can’t see what she’s posting. That’s probably a good thing since it got me so upset just for LM to post his marriage on there.

      • The REALLY messed up part is that he was a cop at the time. Imagine explaining THAT to the police chief. :/

        I just looked up her name to see her. We aren’t “friends” so I can’t see that much. I used to stalk her page a little bit, but now I don’t even care.

        • ROFL! That’s a good one! I feel bad that K has to deal with that crap!
          I tried looking her up, but she has a very common name and I can’t remember her maiden name right now… But, like I said, it’s probably better that way 🙂

          • Yeah, I know what you mean. She has a very uncommon first name, and they have a pretty unique last name as well. It wasn’t very good for me to look at her Facebook, though. I have since stopped. It is a good idea to avoid opening that can of worms if you can.

          • I try to respect her space as much as possible, if you know what I mean. 🙂

  6. […] Husband Swap (here is where I talk about Diva’s son missing school last year) […]

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