Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Cash Cow

on June 12, 2013

cartoon cash cowLately I have been feeling like all I am is a big bag of money to the people in my life.

When do *I* get the payoff? Is there one? Am I looking in the wrong place?
You’re going to tell me that I’ve already seen the payoff, right?
Why do I have to be so ready and willing to ‘help’ people?
It’s not really help if I have to do it over and over and over and over again, is it? Then I’m just enabling them, right? And I become the doormat…
Why can’t anyone tell me that I am more to them than a dollar sign? Why do I need to hear it? How can they show me?
If I am giving money away, shouldn’t I just be happy that my ‘friends’ are happy?

It mostly makes me sad because I am pretty sure that none of them would be there for me financially if I needed them to be; especially not Loverman. He does all sorts of things for me, but I don’t think he will ever be able to take care of me monetarily.
Is that something I truly need?
I want someone in my life who meets my expectations; who cares for me on my terms.
Or, do I need that?
How does one find ‘it’? I thought I had, but I have been questioning myself on that lately.
Should I wear this sign on my chest:

I am so lost right now. Struggling with a broken marriage that I just want to run away from but I can’t figure out how (maybe it has to do with the fact that my cash keeps flowing out of my bank account instead of in). A friend of mine told me last Friday that I need to either “buck it up and deal. Just stop bitching about it!” or “get rid of what brings you the unhappiness. You know how, you’re just refusing to see it“.

Beautifulmess7, it looks like I need to work harder on that list of yours πŸ˜‰
#4 is going to be the death of me!


8 responses to “Cash Cow

  1. I know the feeling! It sucks to give and give and just have people take. It’s hard to stop a pattern of sacrificing everything when that’s what people expect of you because as giving, people-pleasers we’re not conditioned to say “No.” Start practicing. πŸ™‚

  2. rgonaut says:

    I used to and sometimes still feel I am used only as a source of cash. For men however this is more acceptable. In his needs her needs ( which I posted about) Harley points out that in a room full of people who are going to be married if you ask the question: would you still go thru with marriage if you had to support your spouse? Almost all the men will say yes. And almost all the women will say no. So you see it’s built into our culture and probably our genes.

    • Whew! That gives me some sense of comfort anyway.
      I suppose it has to do with the whole way that men are (normally) wired to WANT to take care of their family(ies)… Also, it makes me feel less like a total bitch πŸ™‚

  3. The Hook says:

    Hang in there, beautiful.

    • Thank you, Awesome-Man! I have such a weakness for people in need, if I can help out. When I was little I drove my parents crazy asking them all the time why we couldn’t give money to that poor guy on the corner holding a sign…
      I think I have finally worked it out (at least for now πŸ˜‰ )

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