Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Love is Stupid

on October 3, 2013

It makes fun things funner

and sexy times sexier

But it also makes bad things badder

sad things sadder

and hard times harder

Sometimes I wonder if I even really know what love is. I feel things so strongly and get so wrapped up in them, maybe it’s not love as much as infatuation or an intense need to create an ex(r)otic life so I can escape the sad one I have given myself. Maybe I am just confused about what love is…

… but then, maybe everyone else is, too.

“Love” is just the sound we assigned so we could call it something — the actual feeling is completely indescribable.

Some days I would tell you it’s a feeling of complete elation.

Love heals.

It uplifts.

It conquers.

It unifies.

Other days I will tell you that I hate love and I don’t want to have anything more to do with it. Ever.

Love stinks.

It hurts.

It aches.

It bleeds.

Last night when I was driving to our “date night” rendezvous point, I was thinking about the next post I wanted to write. It had to do with soulmates and how we can tell if we have met them — or even if there is such a thing. I read a post a few weeks ago by The Visible Woman. She mentioned 10 Elements of a Soulmate by Dr Carmen Harra — so I found the article and went to check it out. Then, three days later Loneyheart had this post.

I’ve been tossing all of that around in my brain a lot recently…

10 Elements of a Soulmate:

  1. It’s something inside. Describing how a soulmate makes you feel is difficult. It’s a tenacious, profound and lingering emotion which no words can encompass. This is how I feel about Loverman, both on the good side and on the bad side of things. With Doom-n-Gloom I felt that way for him on the good side of things, but I have always been able to find words to encompass his bad side of things…
  2. Flashbacks. If your partner is your soulmate, chances are he or she has been present in your past lives. Soulmates often choose to come back together during the same lifetime and scope each other out in the big world. You might suddenly and briefly experience flashbacks of your soulmate. You might even feel an odd sense of déjà vu, as if the moment in time has already taken place, perhaps a long time ago, perhaps in a different setting. To the best of my knowledge I haven’t had flashbacks about Loverman or Doom-n-Gloom, but I don’t remember my dreams very well. Maybe something happens in there…
  3. You just get each other. Ever met two people who finish each other’s sentences? Some people call that spending too much time together, but I call it a soulmate connection. You might experience this with your best friend or your mother, but it is the telltale sign of a soulmate when you experience it with your partner. When Doom-n-Gloom and I first got married, we were like this — people commented on it — but it faded as we spent more time together. Loverman and I are always doing this — we’ve only been together 5 years — I hope it doesn’t fade. He has his own type of Ebonics that only I can understand most of the time.
  4. You fall in love with his (or her) flaws. No relationship is perfect, and even soulmate relationships will experience ups and downs. Still, that bond will be much harder to break. Soulmates have an easier time of accepting, even learning to love, each other’s imperfections. Your relationship is more likely to be a soulmate match if you both love each other exactly as you each are, accepting both the great and awful tendencies we all have. Loverman cannot sing to save his life, but he sings me love songs all the time — I find it completely charming. Also his bad grammar doesn’t bother me at all (see the Ebonics comment above 😉 ) — any other person talks to me like that and I would go apeshit insane! I think it’s charming when he does it — even after 5 years. I can’t think of any endearing annoying things that Doom-n-Gloom does. Maybe there were some at one point but I can’t remember them.
  5. It’s intense. A soulmate relationship may be more intense than normal relationships, in both good and sometimes bad ways. The most important thing is that, even during negative episodes, you’re focused on resolving the problem and can see beyond the bad moment. Maybe it’s just because I had never been properly fucked before I met Loverman, but this one is true, true, true with him. I have definitely NEVER felt “intense” with Doom-n-Gloom, except for maybe intensely angry.
  6. You two against the world. Soulmates often see their relationship as “us against the world.” They feel so linked together that they’re ready and willing to take on any feat of life, so long as they have their soulmate by their side. Soulmate relationships are founded on compromise and unity above all else. Anyone experiencing infatuation is going to feel this way… But Loverman is definitely the one that makes me feel more “powerful” and like “I know I can”. I know that when I need him, he will always be there and vice versa. With Doom-n-Gloom, I know that if I want it done I am going to have to do it solo.
  7. You’re mentally inseparable. Soulmates often have a mental connection similar to twins. They might pick up the phone to call each other at the exact same time. Though life may keep you apart at times, your minds will always be in tune if you are soulmates. Loverman — every day, all the time. Doom-n-Gloom — complete mental silence.
  8. You feel secure and protected. Regardless of the gender of your partner, he or she should always make you feel secure and protected. This means that if you’re a man, yes, your woman should make you feel protected, too! Your soulmate will make you feel like you have a guardian angel by your side. A person who plays on your insecurities, whether consciously or subconsciously, is not your soulmate. With Loverman this one is like #6 — I feel that he will do anything he can to make me safe. Doom-n-Gloom kind of makes me feel more lost.
  9. You can’t imagine your life without him (or her). A soulmate is not someone you can walk away from that easily. It is someone you can’t imagine being without, a person you believe is worth sticking with and fighting for. The only reason why I can’t imagine my life without Doom-n-Gloom is because he has been in my life 20+ years and I feel partially responsible for his incompetence, but I am really close to being able to let him go. But with Loverman, when we are apart for too long I can actually feel a chasm growing between us. I hate feeling that distance. My insides feel empty, just like that chasm.
  10. You look each other in the eye. Soulmates have a tendency to look into each other’s eyes when speaking more often than ordinary couples. Loverman — all the time. Doom-n-Gloom – try not to talk to him whenever possible.

I used to think that Loverman was my soulmate. Recently I have been thinking that maybe he isn’t and all along I have just been trying to convince myself that he was. I did that with Mr. Doom-n-Gloom… I’ll bet that anyone who has just fallen in love will think they have met their soulmate. Except, with some people the feelings fade over time — kind of like the tread wearing out on your tires…

After my last two date nights with Loverman I am starting to wonder if maybe our “soulmate-d-ness” is beginning to fade, too. We’ll see.

I am so looking forward to our Skate-venture November 1st! We will have actual TIME to spend together — 3 days (16+ hours will be driving and 10 hours will be skating, but we will be together!)! It’s so difficult when things don’t work out the way we (I) had hoped, and recently that has been happening way to often if you ask me. Struggling to stay in a good mood is very hard

Just a two-and-a-half-hour traffic delay and me sitting and waiting in my truck for him that entire time can really wear a person out by the time they “hook up”. And he was completely worn out by the traffic accident that held him up for 2 of the hours that he could have been spending with me. Even though we were talking on the phone that entire time, it still made us both pretty cranky for the rest of the evening.

I don’t know… What do you think? Do soulmates exist or are we just looking for a new way to describe what we think is love?

7 responses to “Love is Stupid

  1. The Hook says:

    This was one of your best. Period.
    Anyone as wise and thoughtful as you is destined to find true love.
    By the way, I KNOW soulmates exist.

  2. Amazing lady. THIS is why people love your blog!

    • Thanks, Ashley 🙂 That is a VERY nice thing to say!! Mostly these are just the thoughts tumbling around in and then spilling out of my head — after other people started me thinking…
      I hope you are with your soulmate ❤ You both seem so cute and happy together!

  3. […] Love Is Stupid […]

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