Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

The Silent Treatment: Is it Okay?

on October 7, 2013

I am starting to think that maybe Loverman isn’t really as good for me as I thought… Maybe he was. Maybe I have outgrown him, too. Maybe I did something.

Who fucking knows?

I wish he wouldn’t act like this whenever something “goes wrong”. He pushes me far, far away and then tells me I have more important things to worry about than him. I kind of do, but isn’t that for ME to decide?!? I tell him all the time that I am a big girl and able to make my own choices, and that one of my choices is being with him because it makes (made) me happy.

He hasn’t spoken to me or returned any of my texts since last Thursday. I knew he was okay Saturday only because I saw he was on Facebook that day. After that I completely gave up on contacting him. He obviously isn’t ready to be a grown-up and communicate with me. (even this morning he hasn’t texted me yet to see if I have arrived at work safely — that’s just plain strange. I haven’t, but that’s irrelevant. I am safe, just not at work.)

What’s really stupid is that I don’t even know what I did wrong and why he is ignoring me!

When you are upset with someone you care about, do you shut them out and ignore them for days or do you reach out for them to clear the air and be comfortable together again? It’s not like we are allowed to ignore just anyone, anywhere and in any situations. We can’t act that way at our jobs or with other people, that is simply unacceptable.

So, why is it so much easier (more acceptable) to mistreat the people who care about us the most? Is it because I am willing to accept bad behavior and apologies? Eventually it does get old, hearing the same exact “I’m Sorry” over and over, and it starts to hurt more and more — especially after I have told him each time how much it does hurt. How many times do I get to tell him before it’s okay for me to give up?

That is where I am at with Loverman. The precipice right before I give up on “us” and start looking for something (again) that might fulfill me. This time a little more disheartened than the last, but at least I figured it out after 5 years instead of 20…

If I feel the need to write “The Silent Treatment: Episode #3” anytime soon, I think it will my time to be done with Loverman. He has ignored me several times in the distant past (2+ years ago). I thought we were past that, but I guess not.

Please! If you are angry or frustrated with someone about something and you care about them enough to keep them in your life — fucking tell them, for goodness sakes!!!! If you continually shut them out, eventually they are going to stop trying to unlock the door.

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12 responses to “The Silent Treatment: Is it Okay?

  1. I couldn’t agree more — COMMUNICATE PEOPLE!

  2. I think you know that the silent treatment isn’t okay. It does sound like you’ve outgrown him. Or rather, that you’re growing, and he is regressing. It is incredibly childish behavior, but then again he’s always struck me as irresponsible and immature from the other things you have posted. I’m sorry if that seems harsh.

    • It’s not harsh at all. I fear you are right, but I also fear that maybe my standards are too high…
      I love it when you chime in!! I really respect what you have to say and even if you say something I don’t want to believe, I still think about it.
      And CONGRATULATIONS, free lady!!!!

      • I don’t think your standards are too high at all. In fact, they seem pretty basic – consideration, respect, and adult communication. That’s not asking too much at all. He has shown time and again that he has no concern for your time or feelings. My blood boils every time I read stories of his passive-aggressive, selfish, and downright childish antics at your expense. This is like his version of a temper tantrum, and he does it BECAUSE he knows how much it hurts you.

        I am so happy to be free!!! It’s like a weight has been lifted. 🙂

        • The blood boiling thing — that was so nice of you to say. I know you’re only hearing my side of the story, but I appreciate the validation.

          It’s possible he is doing it because he knows it hurts me, but I seriously think it’s just a complete lack of consideration. Maybe he’s looking for validation and an ego pump (like I don’t do that enough in a positive way whenever we’re together) and he likes the power he feels over me when I am begging him to come back. This time I’m not doing it, though. I gave up on him Saturday. We’ll just have to wait and see now how long it takes him to miss me (if ever).
          Thanks again, sweet lady!!! Have a great night!

          • I know there are two sides to everything, but I just can’t see knowingly putting someone through the uncertainty and turmoil and hurt of just ignoring them completely. Especially someone who is supposedly important. That lack of consideration is almost as scary as if he were intentionally hurting you. At least the intentional action can be coming from a place of anger or hurt or wanting to get a reaction. The other makes it seem like you’re a non-entity in his life… like he can’t even be bothered to consider your feelings, give you empathy, or listen to what you say is hurtful. That lack of concern for you (constantly showing up late, not calling, ignoring you, turning things around to make YOU feel bad when HE is the one inconveniencing you, etc.) is what really upsets me. I would never treat a friend that way, much less a lover. And you’ve been so much more than that to him. It’s just wrong.

          • Those words express exactly how I feel! It would probably hurt less if he was doing it intentionally… I can’t stop hearing these words over and over in my head “Is this really an acceptable way to treat your BEST FRIEND?” I would never… XOX

  3. faithrivada says:

    Silence is a poor speaker.

  4. mala says:

    Ugh, it is so not ok!!

  5. […] The Silent Treatment #1, #2 & #3 […]

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