I am starting to think that maybe Loverman isn’t really as good for me as I thought… Maybe he was. Maybe I have outgrown him, too. Maybe I did something.
Who fucking knows?
I wish he wouldn’t act like this whenever something “goes wrong”. He pushes me far, far away and then tells me I have more important things to worry about than him. I kind of do, but isn’t that for ME to decide?!? I tell him all the time that I am a big girl and able to make my own choices, and that one of my choices is being with him because it makes (made) me happy.
He hasn’t spoken to me or returned any of my texts since last Thursday. I knew he was okay Saturday only because I saw he was on Facebook that day. After that I completely gave up on contacting him. He obviously isn’t ready to be a grown-up and communicate with me. (even this morning he hasn’t texted me yet to see if I have arrived at work safely — that’s just plain strange. I haven’t, but that’s irrelevant. I am safe, just not at work.)
What’s really stupid is that I don’t even know what I did wrong and why he is ignoring me!
When you are upset with someone you care about, do you shut them out and ignore them for days or do you reach out for them to clear the air and be comfortable together again? It’s not like we are allowed to ignore just anyone, anywhere and in any situations. We can’t act that way at our jobs or with other people, that is simply unacceptable.
So, why is it so much easier (more acceptable) to mistreat the people who care about us the most? Is it because I am willing to accept bad behavior and apologies? Eventually it does get old, hearing the same exact “I’m Sorry” over and over, and it starts to hurt more and more — especially after I have told him each time how much it does hurt. How many times do I get to tell him before it’s okay for me to give up?
That is where I am at with Loverman. The precipice right before I give up on “us” and start looking for something (again) that might fulfill me. This time a little more disheartened than the last, but at least I figured it out after 5 years instead of 20…
If I feel the need to write “The Silent Treatment: Episode #3” anytime soon, I think it will my time to be done with Loverman. He has ignored me several times in the distant past (2+ years ago). I thought we were past that, but I guess not.
Please! If you are angry or frustrated with someone about something and you care about them enough to keep them in your life — fucking tell them, for goodness sakes!!!! If you continually shut them out, eventually they are going to stop trying to unlock the door.
- The Silent Treatment
- Make Them Stare (and Other Thoughts)
- Back to Normal
- The Silent Treatment: Episode #2