Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Do you expect honesty?

on June 3, 2014

This lovely post ❤ by The Woman Invisible got me to thinking about affairs and trust and how I cannot be trusted. Not even by Loverman.

… … … … … …

I don’t expect honesty from Loverman, he just gives it to me (I think…). I have no reason to believe that he has lied to me or cheated on me, but if he did I don’t think I would be able to say anything… We have had a lot of talks about jealousy. He has a huge green monster lurking inside of him that he denies. Every girl he has been with, has cheated on him — to the point where he actually caught all of them in the act. I believe him. There’s no reason for me not to.

However, in regards to trusting me… There was a 4-month period when Loverman refused to talk to me; he wouldn’t return my calls or respond to emails, voicemails or texts. It was after we had only been together for about 16 months – almost 6 years ago now… I was an absolute mess; completely attached to him and feeling abandoned by the side of the road. I was trying to hook-up with strangers on Craig’s List and Ashley Madison; I was going out to bars and getting drunk, trying to get someone to fuck me. I ended up with 1 one-night-stand and a FWB situation that did not turn out well. I know that this is the kind of person that I am…

I am not trying to justify my cheating behavior, but I am saying that (in my case) there is truth to the statement “once a cheater, always a cheater”. Even now, when I think about fucking around I am doing it to get back at my husband and parents. I don’t want to hurt Loverman, but I want to hurt the hell out of my husband and I want to disappoint the hell out of my parents.

When I read it here, it sounds insane…

4 responses to “Do you expect honesty?

  1. says:

    in this case, honesty is painful!

  2. I too was inspired by her post and instead of a comment, wrote as post in response. Difficult to sort though these things, for certain. I can absolutely relate to what you write.

    • Thank you. I really liked your post! It made me think of my marriage, but on a completely different note than what you were saying.

      Doom-n-Gloom used to lie by omission all the time. It was because he was ashamed he had done something that he knew would piss me off or hurt me. Every single time, I would find out what he did and a giant fight would ensue and I would call him a liar and tell him I didn’t trust him. It always made me feel like he didn’t care about me enough to tell me about things that directly effect me! One year our electricity was shut off because he was in charge of that bill. He HID the shut-off notice. He hadn’t paid for over 5 months and the bill was over $800 — I had to come up with that money to get the power turned back on.

Talk to me :-)

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