Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Loverman’s Current Situation

on July 17, 2014


For the last month, Loverman has been moving his things to a storage unit about 40 minutes away. Except for a few of his most important things — his bed, his 3 vehicles that don’t work, 1 vehicle that does work, some clothes, etc… — he is totally moved out of his wife’s house.

But he has nowhere to go.

His wife‘s house no longer has power. Water has been shut off for a second time. It has been 11 months since she has made a mortgage payment. Her son has been taken away by her mother to go live with his uncle. It’s only a matter of time before the bank forecloses on her house and she has to leave.

Loverman doesn’t want to be living there when it happens, so he is sleeping in a friend’s spare bed for the time being. While he’s there, he’s using their internet to find a place to live and a second job and a place to store his 3-4 vehicles.

I don’t talk about his money much, but his checks are garnished for child support (3 kids) so he gets very little of it after everyone else has taken their pieces. That’s why I am always giving him money and trying to help him out. I would want someone to help me if I needed it, right?

Which is why he needs to get a second job. I can’t give him enough money for an apartment and he can’t live with me… Even if Doom-n-Gloom wasn’t there, I wouldn’t be able to live with Loverman, not until Thing #2 has graduated from high school in two years. I joke about how he could come over and sneak up into my loft and sleep there all day. No one would notice…

I have been thinking about this a lot recently along with sorting out what I really want and trying to get my life in order. I have tossed around the idea of putting a down payment on a trailer home or condo or something for him/us. It would be in both of our names and he would make the monthly payments. I’m not planning on moving in with him or anything, at least not right now. But I would have something to fall back on when I finally do split from the husband.

Or, I’d have a rental property if things don’t work out.

But all of that depends on whether or not I get a bonus at the end of this year, and how much it is.

I’m not trying to put the cart in front of the horse here, but I enjoy having these ideas to toy around with. It gives me something to look forward to. I’m not building expectations here, just dreams.

And somewhere in those dreams, I feel power.


12 responses to “Loverman’s Current Situation

  1. […] or anything like that. I am frustrated with my current situation (and Loverman’s — more about that later) and keep trying to figure out what I can do to change it or make it go away […]

  2. says:

    doesn’t sound good !

  3. I’m always wary when it comes to tying yourself financially to another. Perhaps a safer idea would be to have the property in your name only? He can still pay rent to you but that way if anything goes wrong you aren’t entangled financially.

  4. oceanswater says:

    This is not going to sound to positive, but I just don’t like the sound of you giving him money. I really think a man who takes money from a woman on a regular basis is basically a loser. He has his checks garnished because he has 3 kids. He has to own up to his responsibilities. I would not purchase anything for him to live in. Honey No one’s sex is that good. He just needs to man up and take care of himself. I don’t blame the wife, why should she pay her mortgage to have him laying up there and paying nothing? IDK, This whole situation just sounds very creepy to me and I hope you stop being involved before you are hurt financially and otherwise.

  5. 18mitzvot says:

    I agree with both Ann and oceanswater. I can tell that you have a big heart and want to help someone who is in trouble, but try to step back for a minute and think this out. He is a grown man. Let him work this out for himself or he will end up blaming you! I know it’s really hard, but would he sell off a few cars if you weren’t there to save him? Tying yourself to him financially cannot go well. However, being a strong emotional support, someone who is rooting for him to win, that’s important, too.

    • Well said. You are right. I am walking a very fine line here and I need to be careful.

      I don’t even know if I can do this yet. I won’t know for 6 months, so I REALLY appreciate everyone’s comments! The more I know now and the more I can think about it, the better a decision I can make when it IS time.

Talk to me :-)

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