Lethargy and Sadness

Lethargy and Sadness

I’m only fucking 42

… and a half!

I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Something’s pretty wrong with me, too. Because I don’t even want to go skating this week!

In fact, I don’t really want to do much of anything.

It’s not PMS. According to my schedule, I should be ovulating right now. I should be horny as hell.

Which I am, but something else is wrong and  I can’t put a finger on it.

My right hand keeps trying to fall asleep. That’s been going on for about 6 weeks now, on and off.

It doesn’t only happen when I am lying on my arm, it also happens when I am actually doing things with my hand/arm.

I’m pretty sure it’s a pinched nerve in my mid-back. If you wanted, I could show you exactly where it is.

I don’t want to go to a doctor.

I don’t want to do much of anything.

My ankles are starting to hurt me again, like they did right after my broken ankle healed and I started to resume “normal” activity.

I haven’t changed my diet significantly and I can’t think of any new supplements I’ve been taking that would make me hurt more.

My grandfather died of rheumatoid arthritis, but (again) I don’t want to go to a doctor to find out if I have it.

Because if I do, he could tell me what’s wrong with me and that makes it real.

Maybe it’s just the barometer and I can blame the “monsoonal flow” for my incredible joint soreness.

There’s a dark brown patch of skin on the side of my face that just appeared this year.

My face has always been blotchy, but this is a new spot.

The other spots irritated me, but this spot is dark and it’s big and it’s new.

And this sadness thing. That’s different.

I am usually sad as hell and cry at the drop of a hat for 3 days every month, right before I have my period. Then I go back to being a emotionally-regulated human being.

I’m not going to menstruate for at least two more weeks. *sigh*

My gratitude meter is dangerously low.

Usually I uplift myself with thoughts of thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for.

It’s not working.

I really don’t want to do much of anything.