I’m only fucking 42
… and a half!
I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Something’s pretty wrong with me, too. Because I don’t even want to go skating this week!
In fact, I don’t really want to do much of anything.
It’s not PMS. According to my schedule, I should be ovulating right now. I should be horny as hell.
Which I am, but something else is wrong and I can’t put a finger on it.
My right hand keeps trying to fall asleep. That’s been going on for about 6 weeks now, on and off.
It doesn’t only happen when I am lying on my arm, it also happens when I am actually doing things with my hand/arm.
I’m pretty sure it’s a pinched nerve in my mid-back. If you wanted, I could show you exactly where it is.
I don’t want to go to a doctor.
I don’t want to do much of anything.
My ankles are starting to hurt me again, like they did right after my broken ankle healed and I started to resume “normal” activity.
I haven’t changed my diet significantly and I can’t think of any new supplements I’ve been taking that would make me hurt more.
My grandfather died of rheumatoid arthritis, but (again) I don’t want to go to a doctor to find out if I have it.
Because if I do, he could tell me what’s wrong with me and that makes it real.
Maybe it’s just the barometer and I can blame the “monsoonal flow” for my incredible joint soreness.
There’s a dark brown patch of skin on the side of my face that just appeared this year.
My face has always been blotchy, but this is a new spot.
The other spots irritated me, but this spot is dark and it’s big and it’s new.
And this sadness thing. That’s different.
I am usually sad as hell and cry at the drop of a hat for 3 days every month, right before I have my period. Then I go back to being a emotionally-regulated human being.
I’m not going to menstruate for at least two more weeks. *sigh*
My gratitude meter is dangerously low.
Usually I uplift myself with thoughts of thankfulness. I have so much to be thankful for.
It’s not working.
I really don’t want to do much of anything.