Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Like a Punch In the Chest

on August 16, 2014

I wish I had some tequila right now… 😦

Crying Heart by Moshin Khan

Crying Heart by Moshin Khan

Loverman went to a wedding this afternoon without me.

It was one of our skate friends that invited both of us a couple of months ago. He took down all the information in his phone, blah blah blah…

We talked about going together if he had time. So, I thought if he went, he would be going with me.

But I guess I should have expected him to go without me. I am always the one asking him to do stuff and he has a nasty habit of not sticking to what we had planned.

I found out when he texted me this evening:

Hey, babe. I went to XXX & XXX’s wedding. They missed not seeing my ‘wife’ 😐

I tried to call him before I sent my first response text. He didn’t answer.

I really really wish you had brought me.

But, I was REALLY hurt so I followed it with:

You didn’t even ask me.

My heart was hurting so much. It still is. I can’t believe he went without me!

I waited a couple more minutes and then I called him, hoping he would answer.

He answered and the first thing I said was, “I’m trying really hard not to cry. It really hurts that you didn’t talk to me or tell me you were going to that wedding. We skated together with them on Thursday. You talked to them and everything. Didn’t you think or want to ask me or let me know that you were going?”

He made a bunch of excuses:

I woke up late
My buddy wanted me to help bleed his brakes when I got up and, when I finally got going, there was hardly any time to get there
There was a motorcycle accident on the highway and it made me so late I only saw their vows
I wasn’t going there to have fun or anything, I just went to support some friends

He’s not lying. I know all of that is true. What is hurting is that he didn’t even THINK to call me and TELL me that he was leaving!

I asked him to please just tell me that he’s sorry for not asking me, and mean it.

He apologized.

But I can’t believe he excluded me. Just like that!

I asked him, “Before they asked you about your ‘wife’, did you even think about me?”

He didn’t answer the question. I was crying and he could tell. So he started just talking to me to make me feel better. He does that. Just on and on and on and on. Changing the subject from the wedding to everything else, because (I want to think) he felt bad for leaving me out and hurting me.

I only cried for a little while during our conversation. We talked for 45 minutes and it just ended about 20 minutes ago

I sit here feeling like there’s a lead weight on my chest. Is it possible for a heart to actually cry?

It hurts that he left me out.

It hurts that, after all this time, he still doesn’t think of bringing me to things — but I think of bringing him to everything. *sigh*

I really want some tequila right now, but tonight’s my skate night. I leave in 40 minutes.

I don’t even want to go, but I have to because it’s exercise and I need to exercise. It will help.

They’re just feelings and they will pass.

13 responses to “Like a Punch In the Chest

  1. Marty says:

    It shouldn’t pass. This is unbelievable

    • oceanswater says:

      I agree with Marty

      • XOX! Thank you πŸ™‚
        I am just hurt and disappointed and I’m not trying to make excuses for him (I think), we’re different people and his thought process was that I was going to be spending the day with my family and he didn’t want to interrupt/interfere.

        I’ve talked about it before with Loverman: how he needs to stop making choices for me when he thinks he knows what’s best for me, or assumes what my plans are.

    • Thank you, guys. I wish all men were like you, Marty (or at least how you seem here on WordPress;-) ). It would make this a LOT easier! I still hurt this morning, but it’s only because this stupid thing keeps popping up in my head. Hopefully I can stay busy at work today

  2. Confessions of Your Husband's Mistress says:

    I’m sorry for your hurt and his thoughtlessness. Don’t bury your feelings. It’s ok to be upset because you were forgotten when you shouldn’t be. But these feelings will pass and then you can have an honest discussion with Loverman about what you really need in order to feel appreciated and loved. Hope skating helped!

    • Thank you for that! I really appreciate that you understand ❀

      Skating helped a little. I had some "revenge pancakes" πŸ˜‰ with a dude Saturday night and it was Old School Skate Night on Sunday so I decided to go then, too πŸ™‚
      (Also, thanks for helping me think of a name for my post πŸ™‚ )

  3. abichica says:

    Kind of sucks that he just up and left you like that without a thought.. the feelings shouldnt have to pass..It would more than hurt my feelings if my boyfriend did that to me. Communication is key..

    • Agreed! He’s not used to being in a relationship where his partner likes to be included in the things that he does, so it’s just not in his nature to think of asking me. Also, there’s the whole I-have-another-family-thing, but he didn’t even ask!

      But neither of those things make me feel any better and both things feel like I am making excuses for his “neglect”. Thanks, Abi πŸ™‚ I appreciate your support ❀

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