Entitlement or Reasonable Expectation?

This post is from last Wednesday.

I am going to whine.

Again.

I have been dreading coming into work.

Every.

Single.

Day.

The only thing motivating me lately is my paycheck.

Sad.

Yesterday, when I woke up, I even tried thinking:

If you know it will be a great day, it will be a great day!

But, as soon as I could see the office building on the horizon, my heart sunk in my chest and I felt like I would vomit.

I’ve been craving donuts every morning and there is a Voodoo Donuts right on my way to work.

I am proud that I have only gone there twice since I started working here a little over 2 years ago.

But, both of those times were in the last 14 days *sigh*

In the last month I have had some challenges.

Not only with the Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl that I work with in my local office (who I have written about a couple of times in the past), but also with two ladies that work in the Atlanta office. Those two are always challenging my authority and trying to find all my mistakes. I make mistakes, of course. And I own them when I find them — or someone else finds them for me — I just don’t like it when they are put on public display and I am humiliated in the process of pointing it out.

My awesome Boss-Lady nipped the Atlanta ladies about 2 weeks ago, but there is still residual tension…

Which would be okay to work through except for Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl here in Denver. It’s just her and me and Boss-Lady; the 5 Realtors are in and out of the office all of the time, but none of them work full-time here (and all of them are men).

I am lucky that I have my own office, right?

That should be one of the things that I look forward to when I come to work, right?

Or should I feel more like I am in a cage being held captive for 40+ hours every week?

I used to work in a cubicle environment. It was not ideal, but it was okay.

There have been many times recently when I wished I still worked in a cubicle because, then, no one would be able to come into my office and close the door behind themselves to have a “private” conversation with me. The start of the conversation being, almost every time, “I don’t know what your problem has been lately. Blah, blah, yammer, yammer…”  (her ‘polite’ approach really helps me to be attentive to her…)

When I try to speak up, I am then told not to interrupt: interrupting is rude.

Once, I did get to say, “This right here, when you come into my office, close my door and start off by telling me I can’t defend myself. That’s kind of what my problem is.”

Needless to say, that didn’t end well.

Every time I defend myself to her she says, “But YOU did that to ME, too.” Sometimes I did, more often I didn’t.

Am I wrong to think that my office should be an environment that I can actually have some control over? (notice I say “some”, I understand that complete control is out of the question.)

There are so many uncontrollable elements that come at me every day, I wish I could feel that my office was more of a safe haven. Someplace where I can feel comfortable and “in control”.

But I can’t.

When Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl comes into MY office and closes the door behind herself, I am immediately put on edge and feel defensive. At that moment, I have lost complete control of my “safe haven” environment and I feel like I am in fight-or-flight mode. Especially when she is standing over me, directly between me and my only way out (my office is very small. There is no room for both of us to be standing on that side of my desk in front of the closed door. It’s definitely not big enough in which to have a heated conversation) and I am forced to wait until she allows me to speak or she finally leaves.

Most times, these conversations start with, “I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately” or something very similar to that. And, when I attempt to respond (aka ‘defend myself’) I am told not to interrupt!

Basically, it feels like I am sitting captive in MY office while she stands over me ‘insisting’ on how we need to make things right. Right now. Eventually, when there is a break where I can speak and I try to weigh in, I am told not to interrupt?!…

It’s like Off-the-Chain-Crazy-Girl is a bully who wants me to be her BFF and will keep forcing me to like her until I finally do (even if it’s out of sheer terror!).

I would love to be able to work from home 1 or 2 days a week like Boss-Lady. Or maybe work four 10-hour days? I asked. It’s not possible.

I also asked about moving to one of the agents’ cubicles and letting the agents use my office as theirs. That’s not possible either.

I should just be thankful that I have a job. Office or not.

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