This morning, after a wonderful night of skating, I had a brief moment of frustration with Loverman and now he never wants to go on another skating trip with me. Ever. Again.
This morning at 5AM, after him arriving 3 hours late, driving for 10 hours, skating immediately after that for 2 hours and an extreme lack of food, I had a brief lapse of neediness.
He wasn’t into that so much.
Maybe I will talk about it someday (or you can read about Day 1 of our Sk8-Venture last year – it’s pretty much the same as that except I have no fucking clue what I did to mess things up this time).
The short story is: he can’t “deal with” the drama right now, but he loves me so much that he still wants to be friends.
I think that I really do hate everyone.
Especially after I really get to know them.
I love him so much it actually tears my soul out of me chest to say this, but:
He needs to learn forgiveness or we are done.
If he really lets me go, he is losing the best-est thing that ever happened to him.
I even reminded him that 90% awesome-ness and 10% frustrating is a pretty sweet relationship
But he wouldn’t hear that.
He was totally focused on how he knew I was going to fuck up this vacation.
So this vacation got fucked up.
If he can’t see all of the totally awesome things I do for him as a friend and as a partner and as a lover and forgive me when I make a mistake, then maybe he IS right and we should “just be friends”. And, I only say that because he is such good friends with Thing #1. If she wasn’t involved, I think I would be done with his bullshit entirely.
I hope to write about this more coherently later, but I am pretty fucked up right now.
Both emotionally and alcoholically.
I tried getting stoned, but it didn’t help.