Just Friends

Just Friends

This morning, after a wonderful night of skating, I had a brief moment of frustration with Loverman and now he never wants to go on another skating trip with me. Ever. Again.

This morning at 5AM, after him arriving 3 hours late, driving for 10 hours, skating immediately after that for 2 hours and an extreme lack of food, I had a brief lapse of neediness.

He wasn’t into that so much.

Maybe I will talk about it someday (or you can read about Day 1 of our Sk8-Venture last year – it’s pretty much the same as that except I have no fucking clue what I did to mess things up this time).

The short story is: he can’t “deal with” the drama right now, but he loves me so much that he still wants to be friends.

Fuck that!

just-friends

I think that I really do hate everyone.

Especially after I really get to know them.

Especially Loverman.

I love him so much it actually tears my soul out of me chest to say this, but:

He needs to learn forgiveness or we are done.

If he really lets me go, he is losing the best-est thing that ever happened to him.

I even reminded him that 90% awesome-ness and 10% frustrating is a pretty sweet relationship

But he wouldn’t hear that.

He was totally focused on how he knew I was going to fuck up this vacation.

So this vacation got fucked up.

If he can’t see all of the totally awesome things I do for him as a friend and as a partner and as a lover and forgive me when I make a mistake, then maybe he IS right and we should “just be friends”. And, I only say that because he is such good friends with Thing #1. If she wasn’t involved, I think I would be done with his bullshit entirely.

I hope to write about this more coherently later, but I am pretty fucked up right now.

Both emotionally and alcoholically.

I tried getting stoned, but it didn’t help.

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5 thoughts on “Just Friends

    1. I’m not sure I want to do this again and again. I re-read my post from last year and it was depressing because I let him keep doing the exact same thing to me over and over again and I keep forgiving him. I was just craving more attention from him and, when I was needing it, he lashed out and said, “I knew you were going to ruin things again this year.” (even though it wasn’t me who ruined things this time..)

      For as short of a time as it was, the 10 hour drive back today was like torture. Probably for both of us. I was completely bipolar. I would be able to have a normal conversation about regular stuff (i.e. the windmills in Kansas and the Colorado Plains and how fascinating they are, or the amount of racism I felt at the skating rink Saturday night). Then, I would ask him about this new relationship boundary he had imposed (i.e. can I still hug him? how much touching is okay? am I supposed to still text him when I’m home safe?)

      I don’t understand how it’s so easy for him to just turn off the intimacy part of our relationship and act like it never happened.

      Good luck this week, my dear ❤ You will be awesome as always! I will be thinking of you and hopefully you will be able to feel the good vibes.

Talk to me :-)

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