The End?

Loverman dropped me off at almost midnight Sunday night (almost two days early) and he took the catalytic converter (aka = cat) off of my truck, Bear, before he left. I have to pass emissions in January and he has been promising to replace my cat before then. We had a brief conversation about it on the hellishly-uncomfortable drive home.

He left and was supposed to text me when he made it home safe. I wasn’t at all surprised when he didn’t.

While I was getting ready for bed, I emailed Loverman a lightly-edited version of what happened last year. Re-reading it broke my heart; I was hoping that it might stir a little emotion in him as well. I didn’t expect that he would read it for a while (or at all), I just wanted to put it out there, so he could see how *I* remember last year.

I was finally in a peaceful place and relatively comfortable. It wasn’t where I wanted to be, but at least it was comfortable. So, I fell asleep waiting on his text.

I woke up Monday morning and surprised the hell out of my family that I was home. I walked Thing #2 to school because she felt bad for my pathetic self. When Doom-n-Gloom got home from work that morning we talked briefly about why I was home so early. Thing #1 woke up later and we talked about what happened and she put a new perspective on things:

Maybe he was feeling really guilty about disappointing you so much all on the first day and he just couldn’t forgive himself for it. Then, when you didn’t get angry with him, it just festered inside because he had no way to release it.

Such a wise point.

Then, the other day, a friend commented:

I feel like after reading both stories that there is more to this story than either of us may know. Two things come to mind that may be possible…he thinks he knows something, like he saw something on your phone, or somebody told him something… or…There could be another woman. I don’t think it is anything you did, I think there is more to the back story than you may be aware of. That is what my gut is telling me…

NOTE: I’ve been thinking about that a lot. Maybe he found the condoms in my purse. Maybe he got divorce papers from his wife (he no longer has a relationship status on Facebook). Maybe he talked with his Mom about going to KC with me and she said something… I don’t fucking know…

Regardless, if he would have said something, then we could have talked about it.

Then I would at least fucking know…

At 9AM that morning I got a text from Loverman (he is RED and I am BLUE):

That was the end of it.

Thing #1 and I sat and watched some recorded TV shows, I wrote a bit and the day passed uneventfully.

I did a lot of ruminating.

I went out and checked the center console of Bear to get my things and see what “Hawaiian Stuff” he was talking about. (Incidentally, he had found some marijuana ‘wax’ in a parking lot a few days before our sk8-venture. We were going to try it then. I had forgotten about it.)

Also, he left me his spare set of keys to my vehicles. They are were his spare set. They belonged to him. I gave them to him. *sigh*

And he left them for me on his JESUS-fish key chain.

You know…. If the douche-nozzle is trying to tell me something, why the fuck doesn’t he just say it already?!?!

For fuck sakes!

Was that him breaking up with me??? Because it sure as fuck appeared that way to me!

Please help me to understand this!?!

I moved away from the crazy state of Minnesota to get away from innuendo and passive-aggressive bullshit. I’m not going to play games with Loverman, no matter how much I think I love him! No matter how much he wants to!

So…

After no contact for over 2 days, Loverman posts twice on Facebook Wednesday evening.

NOTE: this is something on which I have very strong negative feelings: people airing their personal drama all over Facebook. To me, Facebook is a place where I keep in touch with the people I care about. If I have problems (aka: personal drama) with those people, I take it off-line and communicate with them like we are adults.

Because we ARE adults!

Loverman’s first status update was on his page:

“Messed up a little bit”?!?!?! He’s kidding, right?

“My Fault!” ?!?!?! Was that an apology?

Were we even on the same fucking vacation?

Was that his way of saying that *I* fucked it up?!?!

(I hate feeling this way about him, by the way. I used to trust this asshole with my complete and total vulnerability! I think he is still buried somewhere deep down in my heart, but I can’t figure out what in the bloody hell is going on right now. Have I stepped into the Twilight Zone? Did I get hit by a bus and I am currently in a coma and this is all just a horrifically bad dream from which I will wake up and be relieved and thankful?)

He got his ass handed back to him in family comments on that post. Boy, are they angry with him for blowing them off! Especially his two eldest daughters. But, like both of them said, they’re used to it. *smh*

I swear he likes to fuck up so he can have people be angry with him. What the fuck is up with that?!?! For the record, I don’t actually want to be mad at him — it’s just that he was such an epically huge prick this time that it’s difficult to forgive/accept his behavior.

Then he had the balls to post a status update on MY page!!!! He couldn’t call me or text me or write me an email, or even fucking Facebook private message me?!! He has to post his stupid drama on my page; like I am some kind of 14-year-old-girl just like his ass.

I haven’t ‘liked’ any updates or comments. I have simply replied, “You’re welcome” to his post on my page.

Maybe you all can provide me with some guidance and enlightenment because, I have no idea what to say.

And, right now, I think I’m okay with that.

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