We only talked about my truck.
(That’s the way I wanted it — it’s hard enough just thinking about talking to him, let alone doing it without tearing his heart out and having it for a snack…)
At the end of our conversation he told me that I could have called or texted him Friday night when it happened.
I explained that I didn’t want to bother him, and then said I was sorry my truck broke.
(because I am really, really sorry that Bear took a shit before I was ready to talk to Loserman about it)
He said, “You’re never bothering me.”
I told him that I don’t feel that way and that my heart still hurts from the way he treated me (on our sk8-venture from hell).
I told him that I still cry every time I think of him.
(Mondays are the hardest and I don’t know why, but every Monday my heart aches for him.
I didn’t tell him that, I am just sharing that with you.)
It got uncomfortably silent.
His eventual response was, “I will think about Bear for a couple days while it’s cold. From what you’re saying it sounds like there are two things going on. I’ll call you later in the week so we can make plans to look at him when it warms up a little.”
I just want to hear him to say, “I’m sorry I broke your heart, Mamacita.”
I don’t want to get back together with him — at this point, nothing would make me want to get back together with him.
I know that after talking to him today.
The entire time I felt uncomfortable and defensive. I was holding back tears and sniffling. I wanted to lash out at him. It was hard to hold my tongue when the mean things in my head were screaming so loudly to get out!
I just want him to tell me that he’s sorry for what he did to me — without me having to ask him for the apology.
I want him to acknowledge he hurt me.
I want to know that he feels bad for it.