Last night I went on a “date” with a man I know through Loserman.
At least I thought it was a date. This guy has been trying to take me out since before Loserman dumped me.
When I arrived at the bar, he met me outside and told me that he had asked a few more of his friends if they wanted to join us, but everyone had declined.
I told him that I was kind of relieved about that because I really don’t do well in groups of strangers and if I had known that ahead of time, I would not have agreed to meet him there.
He apologized profusely, but I explained that he had no way of knowing that until then. He had nothing to be sorry for.
After a couple of drinks I started to loosen up. We were standing at the edge of the dance floor and I was swaying to the beat, he was starting to inch in closer and closer, when Loserman‘s slut niece calls this guy and tells him that she’s waiting at the entrance for him to come get her.
I call her “loserman’s slut niece” because she is 32 with 7 children by 7 different baby-daddies. Simply put, she’s a slut.
He cussed under his breath and told her where we were but she insisted that he go to the front door and bring her back.
When they returned to where I was, Loserman’s slut niece says, “OMG! Guys are such pigs! While I was walking across the parking lot, three different guys told me they’d like to ‘lay on me’ and that I looked like a good ‘piece of ass’.”
Wow! That’s the first thing she says in front of someone she doesn’t know?! Classy.
This guy introduces us and I say that we’ve already met at Loserman’s brother’s house a couple years back. I didn’t think she would remember me, but I remembered her. Loserman talked about her all the time.
She admitted that she had no idea who I was and apologized. I said there’s no need to bed sorry, I wasn’t hurt she didn’t remember me (I was a total bitch, actually. I don’t like this girl who is always out clubbing to get a piece of ass when she should be at home with her 7 kids!).
A few seconds later, she remembers and says, “Ahhhh, I do remember you. You’re one of Loserman’s friends and you were at my dad’s house one day when I came over.”
“Yeah and you dropped off your 7 kids. I got to meet them, too,” I retorted.
The guy I was out with interjected at this point and changed the subject.
We chatted civilly for a few minutes until the “Harlem Shuffle” came on and they both had to go to the dance floor for that one. I stood there alone awkwardly.
For a while I was trying to make eyes at a sexy man over by the pool tables, but just as I was going over to say, “Hello,” his girlfriend came up and kissed him.
At this point I overheard someone saying how badly it was snowing outside, so I wandered over to see if it was bad or just an exaggeration.
It was a blizzard!!
I went back to my spot and waited one more song. If they didn’t come back to me at the end of that song, I was going to leave and send my friend-through-Loserman a message letting him know what happened.
While I stood there I started thinking: did his slut niece tell Loserman that I was going out Saturday night with his friend. Then his slut niece “changed her mind” about going when Loserman asked her to spy??? (I know, I know, probably not. But it isn’t out of the realm of possibility, right?)
As luck would have it, the friend guy came back and he said, “When the band starts its second set, I am definitely getting you out on the floor to dance.”
The very last thing I wanted to do was dance with Loserman’s slut niece so I said, “I’m sorry. I think it’s time for me to call it a night.”
Loserman’s friend asks with a wink, “What? Is it past your bedtime already?”
I knew he was kidding and I also knew that he had realized I didn’t want to spend the evening dancing with Loserman’s slut niece. I answered, “Yeah, a little bit of that and also it’s really snowing hard outside and I want to make it home safe. If I stay here and have any more to drink, I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that.”
When I got home, I texted the guy that I made it safe.
Then he called me Sunday afternoon. I didn’t answer because I was out scraping the 5-6 inches off of my vehicles and my phone was dying.
After I didn’t answer, he sent me this text:
This was my response: