Click here to read Sunday.
I wish I could tell you that we drove home in peace. The End.
That’s how I wished it would be.
Truthfully, I think this trip was karma serving me up some of my just desserts. So, I was still trying to roll with it.
For the most part…
It would be over eventually, right? And I was probably learning something…
This last part of the story is going to be difficult to write because there were a lot of my feelings involved and even more talking. Of course you are only going to hear what I remember, which is definitely going to paint me in a better light, but I always try to put this out here as objectively as I can. This journal is something I go back to later in order to see what-the-fuck. It’s important to me that I am as accurate as possible.
I filled the car up with gas before we left Phoenix and insisted that Scorpio get a nap because there was no way in hell I was going to let him drive without getting some sleep first.
He agreed, but just like me last November on the last morning, he wasn’t able to fall asleep because he was so pumped up from the Sk8cation, all the endorphins and whatever happened with Honey that morning. You know…
For the first two hours of my drive, he was texting everyone under the sun or playing apps on his phone, I don’t know. He just wasn’t sleeping. At all.
I reminded him twice during that time that I really needed him to stop fooling around and try to get some sleep; I was in no shape to drive the entire way home like I had driven almost all the way there.
He agreed and tried harder to get some rest (aka: put his phone away).
About and hour south of Gallup, I got a text from Amy letting us know they got a later start and where they were. At that point they were about 3 hours behind us.
We stopped to stretch and pee in Gallup. Scorpio had finally gotten about a 2 hour nap and was ready to take over driving for a while. Thank goodness!
But again, it took him forever to eat. We sat in a Carl’s Jr parking lot for an hour while Scorpio ate and primped and what-the-fuck-ever else he had to do.
As we were pulling out of Gallup, Amy sent another text to let us know they were now only about an hour behind us. I informed Scorpio that we had actually taken almost 60 minutes at that stop. It surprised the hell out of him, but he apologized for taking so long.
For his driving shift, Scorpio plugged his music into the radio. No problem, he was driving and I was going to try and take a nap.
It turns out that he has a few books on his I-pod and one of them is The Art of Seduction. FYI – not so much a fan of the book, or at least not the part *we* were listening to.
It was a chapter on innocence and manipulation. Basically, it summed up exactly the way that Scorpio had been behaving all weekend: acting ‘afraid’ of things, feigning innocence, having huge vulnerabilities, playing all that up in order to get into someone’s heart or manipulate their feelings.
In the middle of the chapter I blurted out quietly, “This is bullshit.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
Basically this guy is teaching a person how to manipulate others for their own
game gain. That’s bullshit.
No, Smitten. The book teaches how to understand others when they’re doing those things to you.
Yes. I agree. I can see that part of it, too. That’s how I am able right now to see what you’ve been doing all weekend. But it’s also an instruction manual on how to play your vulnerabilities to make other people feel the way you want. You know, manipulate them into feeling a certain way for your own personal gain.
You’ve been playing me this entire time and I have been stupid enough not to see it. I thought you were just quirky and a little OCD, but it’s really not that way at all.
I’m sorry you feel that way, Smitten.
Me too. I thought I was special to you, but I’m really not. I was just a means to an end for you. You call all your girlfriends beautiful. You probably tell all of them that you’ve never done all sorts of stuff with them too – even though you really have!
What do you mean? Every time I’m with you, you “pop another cherry” of mine. We were talking about that yesterday morning in bed. You are special to me. You took me on this Sk8cation. If you hadn’t, I would never have known how much fun it could be. Now I want to do this every weekend.
“Yeah?! This shit costs $400-700 a time, depending on how many people you have to pay for,” I sneered.
His jaw dropped. It made me laugh.
I told him that it really felt like shit that we had made an agreement not to fuck other people while we were on this vacation together and he went off the last morning and fucked another girl! I get that it sucked I got my period, but what the hell, dude? You make me pay for everything, you sleep in my bed and I drive you there… And you still get to fuck another girl. What about me, asshole?
“How do you know I fucked her?” he asked.
Oh. My. God. Are you serious? What did you do if you didn’t fuck her?
That’s what I thought. You just used me to take you out to Arizona so you could get some out-of-state pussy. When we made that agreement on the way there, you never intended to keep it, did you?
You got your period and things changed.
Are you fucking kidding me?! It’s pretty shitty to just go and change the plan on a girl without telling her. Especially when you “make love” to her in the middle, or whatever that was you did to me Sunday morning in the bathtub!
We talked about it in depth. He was actually very kind with his words while I was hurting about his behavior.
There was no arguing, no fighting, no silent treatment. He listened to what I was telling him about my feelings, acknowledged them and then we talked about it. It was the second time I have had a disagreement with a man who didn’t get totally defensive, block himself off from me and then tell me everything was my fault and that my feelings were wrong. (Mr. X was the other…)
Our discussion had finally come to an end when Scorpio asked, “Are those snowflakes?”
I looked outside and there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. It was about 8PM, the sun had completely set and we were in the middle of nowhere. I told him that maybe it was just dust. It was really windy.
He had a joke about how maybe the snow had blown all the way from Denver. I laughed and reminded him that we were still almost 450 miles away.
Amy sent us another update text and I responded to her that we thought it was snowing, I was glad Scorpio was driving and we would keep them updated.
As Scorpio continued driving, the incoming snow started to get thicker and thicker but there was still no accumulation or wetness on the highway. I looked out the window and could still see all the stars in the sky. We both laughed and commented on how strange it was.
The roads started to get wet and, about 10 miles after that the roads started to become slushy and snow was accumulating. I sent a text message to Amy telling her the mile-marker and to be ready.
Before Amy was able to respond, I looked up ahead at traffic. On the hill ahead I saw blinking lights across the road at the top of the hill and realized what it was: a truck (not semi) was facing sideways at the top of the hill. Most likely because he was going too fast when he crested the top. Another car following behind spun out, too and I asked Scorpio, “Are you seeing that up there? It’s a lot worse than it seems. Can you slow down a ton so when we get there we can make it through?”
He decreased our speed very slowly. The ‘spin-outs’ were far enough away that we would get through okay if he was careful. Which he was.
By the time we got to that first truck, four other vehicles had spun out trying to avoid it. Scorpio just drove slowly past everyone at 25 MPH, calmly and carefully, while I was screaming for my life on the inside of my head. (Incidentally, while Scorpio was driving though some of that shittiness, I told him not to worry but I have an intense fear that my life will end in a fiery car crash.)
We crested the top of the hill, just past that last truck, and I looked behind us. There were 5 vehicles spun out and several other vehicles’ headlights that I could see approaching the bottom of the
nightmare hill. I closed my eyes and said a little prayer that everyone made it over that hill safely.
We were the only ones that made it over the hill, that I saw. As we drove down the other side I watched behind us to see who else would make it. By the time we crested the next hill, no one had.
I immediately called Amy and told her about the hill and what we saw. She relayed the information to Skaterman and they both had a good laugh. She put me on speakerphone and they were both laughing heartily “Ha ha you’re silly. The weather’s gorgeous down here. Stop fucking around. There’s not a cloud in the sky!”
“That’s what we thought, but then there was snow and then there was a huge problem. Be careful, it’s going to start getting bad for you guys soon.” They were still about an hour behind us.
Skaterman asked, “How fast are you guys going?”
“Right now 30MPH, but when we passed those spin-outs Scorpio was only going about 20-25.”
“Oooo-eeee,” Skaterman replied, “That’s slow.”
“It is but you’ll appreciate what I’m telling you when you get to it. I promise.”
They joked again that I was gonna get it if I was fooling around… (They both thanked us later for warning them about that hill and all the accidents. It was just as bad as I had said…)
We messaged back and forth for the next hour and ended up stopping in Las Vegas, NM for the night. (Good thing, too! We found out the next morning that they had closed the highway 30 miles north of us. We wouldn’t have had anywhere warm to stop…)
Was this vacation-from-hell never going to end?
Once we were settled into our room at the Days Inn, Skaterman and Scorpio ventured out for food and alcohol (you know? The necessities!). Surprisingly, at 11:30PM on President’s Day, there is at least one open liquor store in New Mexico and we happened to be two blocks away from it.
Thank goodness! I gave Scorpio my last $5 and asked him to get me a shot or two of vodka.
Skaterman got a 6-pack of beer for him and Scorpio to share, I drank my Vodka and Amy took her sleeping pill. We had a great time joking around and talking about the Sk8cation weekend until there were multiple noise complaints on our room. Ha ha! Then we went to sleep.
One more night of sharing a bed with Scorpio. And super-awkward because he still hadn’t showered since his ‘breakfast’ that morning with Honey. *sigh*
The next morning when I woke up Amy and Skaterman were taking a shower. I quick ran outside to get a couple things from the car because I didn’t bring anything in the previous night.
The morning was gorgeous! The snow was already melting and the reflection of the sunlight on the crisp, white snow was blinding. I got my stuff from the car and went back in. Amy and Skaterman were almost ready to go. He had class that evening and she had to get to work for at least part of the day.
We hugged and said our good-byes and agreed that we would all touch base with each other when we were home safe.
I took a shower while Scorpio talked on his phone.
Then Scorpio took a shower.
We ate breakfast separately: he ate downstairs, I ate in the room.
At 10:30AM Tuesday morning, we were ready to hit the road again. There would be about 5 more hours of driving and I would finally be home.
The snow had all been cleared and the roads were steamy. It was beautiful. Driving was great.
Quite a few times on our way home, I thanked Scorpio for taking such good care of me during the scary drive the night before. I am still thankful I didn’t have to deal with that shit. He didn’t drive very far, but he drove very well AND for the hardest part.
While I drove, he drifted in and out of sleep, played games on his phone, etc…
There were a few “Go Team!” high-fives, but the rest of the drive was mostly silent (except my singing). He had his headphones on. I put on my MP3 player and sang the last two hours of the drive back to Denver. When I got home I was hoarse for two+ days from the singing, but it helped purge some of the crappy weekend from my heart.
Wednesday afternoon I sent Scorpio a text telling him I need my money back:
It’s the last time we’ve communicated.
I’m totally okay with that.