Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Did You Even Notice?

on March 3, 2015
Lovers by Ivan Koulakov

by Ivan Koulakov

My dream was that you would always be my “Papa Bear”

That you would take care of me

And I you

That I would be able make you proud

And you would be able to forgive me when I didn’t

I tried to help you slay demons from your past

I tried to help set your spirit free

I showed you everything I am

I gave you forgiveness

I wanted you to trust me

I needed you to trust me

…to be as vulnerable with me as I was with you

But instead you messed with my head and punished my heart

You refused to let me in

You assumed I was like all the others who had hurt you before

…punishing me for things I hadn’t done

…anticipating my failures

…and that I would hurt you

…just like all the rest

(Everyone makes mistakes *sigh*)

You should have left your past to the past

…let me be me

But instead you ignored me and forced me out

*Punishment instead of communication*

You hurt me but you can’t admit it

…it’s all my fault

Yet you won’t tell me what I did

…it makes me nauseous

You didn’t deserve the gift of my vulnerability

But I gave it to you anyway…

I entrusted it to you…

Does it even matter?

Did you even notice?



One response to “Did You Even Notice?

  1. […] I also posted the words I wrote about/to him a few weeks […]

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