There’s Still Hope

There’s Still Hope

Monday night I received a text from Scorpio:

Hey just to let you know I got some of that money ready for you to pick up whenever you want

I was SO surprised! Based on my past experiences with men (and a recent conversation) I honestly thought I would never hear from Scorpio ever again.

We met on Tuesday night after work and he paid me $100 of the $140.

He greeted me with a hug and I’ll admit that it was pretty awkward. We haven’t even spoken, only exchanged a few texts about the money he owes me from our Sk8cation a month ago.

Also, he had a friend with him and I didn’t know if they were expecting me to give them a ride or what. I asked if they needed a ride, they discussed it for a minute and decided to stick with Plan A: take the bus.

Scorpio told his buddy that he was going to talk to me in my car for a second and would be right back.

We chatted. I cried. He asked me why I was so standoffish and uncomfortable. What was making me so upset? He even said, “I feel a completely different energy coming from you.” (Probably hostility)

I explained that my tears were because he actually paid me back. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t going to hear from him again and that I would never see that money. Even though it was only a little bit of cash, it still signified my willingness to be taken advantage of over and over again. I’ve started thinking that men are total assholes when it comes to a woman. Especially when it comes to keeping their word to one.

He hugged me again and told me that he never wanted me to feel like that about him. To him, it really matters what I think of him as a person. “I was always planning on paying you. You took care of me when I needed it and now I got your back. We’re friends. We’re solid,” he assured me.

I mentioned what happened in Phoenix on the last morning and he said, “Smitten, I know you think I slept with that girl. But I didn’t. I don’t have sex on the first ‘date’. What I did with you was different. I told you that. Both of us said we were trying something new. Remember how surprised I was when you expected me to actually follow-through with all of that sexting?

Yeah, but you did. Follow-through, I mean. How do I know I wasn’t the one to start that ball rolling?

That’s not the kind of person I am. Really. I’ve told you how many ‘firsts’ you are for me, Smitten. I’ve never had sex with a girl on a first date. You were the first and you are the only. I’ll say it again, ‘You pop one of my cherries almost every time we’re together’. Being with you is so much fun and you surprise me all the time.

I will admit that I miss you a little and I enjoy your company, too. But I’m so self-conscious around you now when I used to feel so comfortable.

Why’s that?

I rolled my eyes because I really didn’t feel like answering him. “Because I can’t kiss you and I want to; my kisses are too wet and sloppy. I’m germy, I’m sweaty, I’m vulgar, I’m loud…” my voice faded off. I didn’t want to keep going.

We knew that going on a vacation together was going to be tough. Until we spent that time together, we only knew each other in a sexual sense. I think we made it through just fine and now we know each other that much better.

You’re right. I guess that was the hard part…

And it’s past us now. It would be a shame to just let this new friendship go before it even has a chance. He opened his car door and got out.  “The bus is coming soon. I should probably go.”

He walked around to my side of the car and opened my door. “Can I have one more hug?” It was a long, tight hug. Almost comfortable.

That day I was wearing some slacks, a blouse and a light jacket. Nothing special and definitely nothing sexy. While we were hugging, he reached up under my jacket (and blouse) and caressed the skin of my lower back with his rough hand. I leaned into him and deepened my embrace to relish his touch for a moment, then pulled his hand away with mine and whispered, “You had to go there didn’t you?”

I gazed up at him to gauge his sincerity and he playfully defended himself, “I just meant to reach up under your jacket, but I got up under your shirt instead.

Really?” I asked in a sarcastic tone.

Okay. You caught me. I really want to rub my hands all over you. He paused for a moment. I could tell my friend to catch the bus and I’ll meet him at home. Then I could take you in the back seat and fuck the hell out of you right now!

Hey now. Whoa! We’re downtown and it’s still light! I’m flattered and all, but really?

You’re right… Time and place and all that… We need to get together again. I’ll bring the tequila.

Okay, but the ball is in your court this time. Your turn to make the booty call.

I don’t know when it’s okay to call you. Remember, we really only know each other sexually…” His words faded off.

I feel the same way. All you can do is ask and the worst I can say is ‘No,’ right?

Yeah. You’re right.

Okay, so we’re agreed. It’s your turn. You call me.

Yep. It’s my turn“, he agreed and squeezed me tightly one last time before he walked away to catch his bus.

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