Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes


on May 6, 2015

Now, back to real life…

Loserman came over to work on Bear Saturday afternoon (actually in the middle of my writing ‘Aftercare…‘ It made it tough to come back and finish, that’s for sure 😉 ). The whole experience with him went better than I expected it to…

At first I wasn’t even going to bother him, but I needed to ask him a question about Breezy and the spark plugs and since he was right there I wouldn’t have to bother him with a text and have him not answer me…

Anyway… I’m in the process of trying to get over him and then Saturday I see him and he’s actually doing what he says he’s going to do; we get along and make jokes while we’re talking; he actually shaved and looked good before coming over this time… My stupid feelings for him want to come back. I start thinking that maybe we can make things work…

We can’t.

I know we can’t. He excludes me from too much and isn’t willing to forgive. He has too many demons in his past that he won’t exorcise…

He was also my skate partner… So, after being so close to him all afternoon Saturday made skating alone that night and Sunday night a lot like torture. Sunday night I didn’t even make it an hour before I had to leave. Monday I was kind of a mess – wanting to text him that I miss him; wanting to ask him out to dinner…

I stopped myself and I never reached out to him, but the fact that it’s this hard to fight the urge again infuriates me.

… … …

Sunday night when I got home from my short skate session (still, with the commute and all, I was gone for almost 2.5 hours), Doom-n-Gloom had left the stove burner on again. I don’t know how long it had been on, unattended, but the kitchen was hot and I could smell it when I came in the front door.

He hasn’t done it in a while, but it’s not an odd occurrence. Before I approached him about it, I made sure to check with Thing #1 and Thing #2 just to make sure they hadn’t done it instead (Thing #1 has done it a couple times, too).

People, I understand that this kind of thing happens every once in a while and I am more than willing to forgive a person this transgression.

The first 2 times.

After that, once it becomes a somewhat regular occurrence *when it never was before*, it starts to look like malicious intent or gross incompetence.

Am I wrong?

When I told him how frustrated I was with him, he responded, “I haven’t done it for a long time. Can you even tell me the last time I did it?”

I stood there with distinct disbelief etched into my features and I said:

No. I can’t. I do remember that the last two times I found it that way, I didn’t even bother to tell you. I just turned the stove off and cussed you out under my breath. It was about 6 weeks ago the last time.

It doesn’t matter how many days there are in between. When I come home to find the stove on, it’s always going to scare the shit out of me. Always!

Every single time!

I have no control over this and one day I could come home and you will have just burnt down my entire reality!

I don’t care how often you do it. Next week or next year it’s ALWAYS going to scare the shit out of me.

“Fine. I won’t do it again.”

WTF? That’s what you said all the other times…

He just stood in his bedroom doorway glaring at me and asked, “Are you done yet?”

He’s lucky I didn’t punch him in the neck! Or go into his bedroom later, while he slept, and strangle him..

OMG!! Infuriating!

10 responses to “Infuriation?

  1. lolarocks says:

    A big well done on not reaching out to loserman and an even bigger well done for not killing doom & gloom. Prison wouldn’t suit you my friend, you would however have plenty of time to continue your very erotic fiction though! 😉
    Sending you hugs and hope better days are around the corner x

  2. hopeful says:

    I am one of those people who leave stuff on but that many times is a little weird – I try to be extra careful after I do stuff like that and remind myself as I’m cooking to make sure I turn the burners off – now I’m kinda OCD about it I check them like 2-3 times afterward lol VERY weird

    yes kudos to you for not reaching out AND I’m glad he is fixing your stuff!!! I kinda waffle between not showing I care and showing it because why do we have to hide how we feel? why do we have to be ashamed of having feelings? I’m kinda sliding toward the I’m just gonnna be honest about how I feel and if they are to dumb to realize they are letting a phenomenal woman get away phooey on them lol their loss!!! did you see my post? I got my necklace back it made me feel powerful to stand up for myself and not let him run over me. I blocked his number and on fb – I am woman hear me roar lmao

    • Good for you!!! You should be proud of yourself!!

      Thanks for the support. I’m kind of on the same fence as you, I just look at them and have to figure out if they’re just too bad for me for us to make it work.

  3. shameless says:

    that was me by the way I’m not sure why that came out hopeful lol

  4. The Woman Invisible says:

    Well done with loser man! You are doing amazing! Dion and gloom is just like my x – they defend their mistakes instead of taking responsibility.

    • Awww, shucks. Thanks, M. That feels really good to hear because it doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes I want to call him so bad, but then I remember the last time we talked on the phone and how he treated me… I just don’t want to feel like that again. My insides fill up with dread every time I even think about texting him…

      Every day’s another step in the right direction 😀

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