I have finally come to terms with the fact that my truck Bear is not going to get fixed. At least not while *I* still own him.
Originally Loserman was supposed to have Bear fixed by the end of February. That was the deadline I had set for him.
When he didn’t meet that deadline, he set one for himself: the end of March.
There have been some interactions in-between that I almost told you about. One time he came over and showed me everything that he has done and exactly what he was and would be doing. I thought it went well. It seemed like he was really doing something.
That was five weeks ago.
It turns out that he was just stalling me. Again.
Four weeks ago I had a panic attack and had to call Mr. X because I thought that Loserman had moved back to St. Louis when he went to see his daughter’s graduation. I was scared about who would fix my truck. Who would help me figure shit out.
Mr. X helped calm me down and explained (again) that I need move on and try to find a new mechanic to fix Bear. He was really very sweet and supportive. Except, the problem with finding a new mechanic is: it would take as much money to fix Bear as it would for me to buy his replacement.
Really, I need to be able to give up the truck. There is too much attachment in it to Loserman. Every day I would be driving a reminder of him. Good or bad, I don’t care. I don’t want to be reminded of him constantly.
A month ago, when we had that talk, I wasn’t ready.
Then, at the end of May, Loserman and I had this brief text exchange:
Last Thursday (6/4), on the same exact day that my apartment complex was tagging cars to get towed, in a Gods-Must-Be-Crazy kinda moment, Bear exploded oil and gasoline all over the parking space underneath him! I knew that it had happened that day because I walk by him every morning and say “hello” on my way to the car. Then I say “good night” on my way back into the house. The previous night everything had been normal.
When I got home I tried calling Loserman right away to tell him and see if he knew what could have had happened. It rang two and a half times, then he sent it to voicemail (which is full, so I couldn’t have left one even if I wanted to). I called back immediately and his phone was turned off!
I’m not an idiot. I know what that means.
Again, I totally freaked out. Immediately I thought Loserman had sabotaged my truck, or maybe his friends had. Why the hell was he ignoring me if he hadn’t done anything wrong? And I was even more freaked out because he still had the spare key for my car, Breezy. Thing #1 and I talked about it and she helped me to settle down, but we were both worried about what could happen to the car… I moved it to the park-n-ride a couple blocks away and parked it under a camera.
After all that, I sent him a text followed up by a DM on Facebook:
The Isuzu leaked out all the oil and gas today. It’s a mess. Do you know what could have happened? I tried calling you right away because it freaked me out. Why did you ignore me? Do you have my Breeze key still? I need it back. I’m scared
I thought about calling Mr. X. He already knows my stupid Loserman vs. Bear situation, plus TC had said something during an earlier freakout moment of mine that made me feel a little uncomfortable calling him to talk about it.
Even so, I still called TC – we’re working on building something here and if I am afraid to share my vulnerable moments with him, this isn’t going to work.
We talked about it. He helped me calm down. My freakout didn’t scare him away and now he knows a part of me that much better.
Two hours later, Loserman responded on Facebook:
I don’t know why that would have happened and the truck is not moving. The gas is disabled and battery is not connected. I will check that out on my way home and leave the Breeze key in Bear on the driver floor mat. My phone is not charging and has been mostly off since last week.
He left my key in the truck like he said he would. Not that it really matters; if he wants to do something evil to my car, he could have made copies. I know that…
Oddly enough, his phone seemed to work fine for the text conversation we had the very next day:
- Let me reiterate here: I thought that’s what you were already doing! (mother-fucker!)
Now, over the last couple of weeks and even more of Loserman’s lies and stalling, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I need to part ways with my dearest Bear.
In that decision, I have called some junkyards around here to see how much they would give me for him. The most I can get is $230, but they will come and tow it away for me, and I get cash on the spot.
This Tuesday afternoon (“yesterday” below), I made one last attempt to contact Loserman and deal with his bullshit.
Umm… Hello?!?! Was that an answer to any of the questions I asked?
And, did you happen to notice the time on his response?!?!
I had just ended a perfectly wonderful phone call with TC and was getting ready to crawl under my blankets and dream of him. When my phone buzzed, I thought it was just TC sending a final “good night” message to me.
It took me 20 minutes to respond because I was trying to get sober and figure this shit out at midnight o-fucking’clock! (Thanks, Loserman. At least I know I chose your name well!)
Thing #1 and Thing #2 helped me.
Oh my god… Seriously?!? “If these people…” Do you think I am going to buy that shit again!? How long does he think I am going to put up with this crap?
He didn’t acknowledge my last text.
I will wait until 3PM Saturday afternoon (tomorrow) to hear from that ass hat. If I don’t (and possibly even if I do), I am going to call the junkyard and have them come and pick up my beautiful Bear, then take my $230 to go to the liquor store and buy myself a shit-ton of tequila! (or maybe a plane ticket to Houston… 😉 )