I have to confess that I am terribly hurt by TC’s response to my email. I spent all day Tuesday thinking about how I wanted explain my feelings to him. I didn’t want to be hurtful, just honest. Admittedly, my note originally started off as a bulleted list, but ultimately I decided THAT WOULD BE TOO FUCKING BITCHY.
Regardless, here is TC’s very simple and brief reply. Nothing less and nothing more than a bulleted fucking list…
Every time I read that, it feels like he’s tearing my heart out of my chest and running it through a paper shredder. Obviously he is still angry with me, I just wish his answer was less evil (melodramatic, I know). He turned the entire situation back on me and itemized it quite nicely in the form of a list.
Immediately my reaction was to write him a hateful note in return, answering each of his fucked up bullets. It took everything in my power to listen and respond instead of hurtfully react.
If I had reacted, I would have written something like this:
A. Yes, definitely avoid the issue entirely and fixate on semantics! To make it more grammatically accurate, why don’t you just replace each time I typed “hung up on me” with the words “shut me down” or perhaps “pushed me away”. I tried to talk to you, but you ended our call forcefully and, therefore, I wasn’t allowed the opportunity to say anything else to you = shut me down. When did you tell me we would talk Wednesday? Was it when you “pushed me away” and I got all emotional? Because what I heard you say was, “We’ll talk about this later.” I am sorry, but tonight I am going skating. And tomorrow one of my friends is celebrating her birthday. I am supposed to bring the cake.
B. I don’t even know how to respond to this. I guess I need you to explain better what you mean, because I thought that those “isolated” moments were supposed to be the more frustrating ones. Would you prefer it if I was upset with you all of the time?
C. Calling me a liar wasn’t even an issue I brought up to you on Monday. There was no time. As a matter of fact, I thought it was resolved Saturday night. Why are you adding fuel to the fire?
D. And WTF is “dot dot dot”?? Me? The situation? Nothing? All of the above?
Did you even HEAR what I was saying to you in my email? I tried to explain that when I tell you what is wrong with me (AFTER you press me for it), it hurts my feelings when you shut me down (ESPECIALLY after you press me for it!). Even if you think my feelings are WRONG or STUPID, I have a right to those feelings. YOU told me that!
I understand that people get defensive when others attack them. I am very sorry if I made you feel like I was attacking you. I was not. I wish very much that you would have just SAID that to me instead of shutting me down. YOU also have a right to those feelings!!
Lastly, please do not persist in asking me for an answer if you are not willing to hear my response.
But, rather than be a complete cunt and make the problem even worse than TC did, I decided to back off, swallow my pride and be gentle – make this about us instead of perpetuating individual hatefulness.
The following email is what I actually sent to TC late Wednesday afternoon: