Sunday night I had a dream about him.
When I woke up Monday morning I remembered it more vividly, but the memory quickly faded as the cobwebs cleared.
By the time I took my shower, I had forgotten I even had a dream.
As the day progressed, he was in my thoughts more than usual and, any more it’s very rare that I even think about him at all. (When I come across old blog posts I wrote about him, as Loverman, I fight the urge to delete them every single time.)
At lunch I felt like skipping my walk but I went anyway, rationalizing that I would feel better after I did it. I even did my lunges! It was truly impressive because I had such a whiny pee-pee head attitude at that point.
It helped. The day was absolutely gorgeous and there was a breeze. By the time I finished, I felt so much better! Just like I told myself I would.
Then, as I was returning to the building, one of the guys from my office was walking alongside a man who, from a distance, looked exactly like Loserman!
My heart leapt up into my throat and I started to panic. Even though I was finished exercising, my heart started beating faster and it felt like there was a brick on my chest.
It took a moment for me to refocus and actually look at the two of them. The man walking looked like Loserman, but he wasn’t. He had the same walk and a long-sleeved red shirt like one Loserman wore all the time, but then he passed up my co-worker and kept walking. I took another deep breath and reassured myself that Loserman would never waste the time to come and see me – that was part of my problem: he would never fight for me.
It was at that point I remembered my dream and the “near miss” continued to bother me for the rest of the day.
So much so that, after TC hung up on me Monday night, I considered texting Loserman to ask if he would take me back.
I mean, he’s a piece of shit and I’m a piece of shit…
And I already know the fucker…