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Suspicious

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All of the time I suspect that things are not what they seem…

…everything has a different meaning…

No one truly means what they’re saying… (I’m getting much better at this one)

Part of that is conditioning I received from my parents (mostly father). And, although I am not blaming them, I have a really tough time changing those conditioned parts of myself.

I think that everything is a test. It gets me into serious trouble when attempting to develop relationships.

When someone asks me a question, I think of every possible reason it was asked before I can answer.

When I meet someone new, I wonder what kind of coincidence it is.

1. Recently, a nice gentleman contacted me through my blog. I like him. He’s nice. We’ve had some brief email conversations, but they are very one-sided and I know very little about him.

He happened to contact me right after TC broke off our tryst.

Therefore, I am suspicious that this guy is TC in disguise.

But it was a coincidence. He isn’t TC.

Right?

2. I was chatting with a guy last week on Tinder. He happened to always say the right things…

Things that Loserman said to me… Pet names that only Loserman used to call me… Then, on the night we were supposed to meet for drinks, that man stood me up.

Of course, I then suspected that he was Loserman, but he was probably just an asshole catfish.

I want to stop with the distrust and paranoia

But no matter how many times I tell myself that there really IS such a thing as coincidence, I can’t convince myself.

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