To restore its equilibrium, the brain tries to quiet our sensitized, trauma-related memories by pushing us to have repetitive, small “doses” of recall. It seeks to make a sensitized system develop tolerance. And, in many cases, this works. In the immediate aftermath of s distressing or traumatic event we have intrusive thoughts: we keep thinking about it when we don’t want to, we often tell and retell the event to trusted friends or loved ones. Children will re-enact the events in play, drawings and their daily interactions. The more intense and overwhelming the experience, however, the harder it becomes to “desensitize” all of the trauma-related memories.
From The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: and Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist’s Notebook
by Bruce D. Perry, PhD and Maia Szalavitz.
Very interesting book, by the way!
I wasn’t raised as a dog and I certainly don’t think that I’ve had much childhood trauma, but I found this paragraph gave me a bit of enlightenment on my process of dealing with the loss of my relationship with Loserman.
It also ties in nicely with another book I am currently reading, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Self by Michael A. Singer. Which is a very easy read but, at the same time, very difficult. It causes me a lot of introspection, which can be painful and tough to struggle through. It’s a short book, but it has 5 separate parts.
I’ve made it through Part 1.
In the first section, Mr. Singer talks about learning to identify the voice in our head and how to separate ourselves from it. He explains that we allow that “voice in our head” to control and bind up energies inside of us — bad and good.
All energy is meant to be processed and then to pass through. It is not meant to be held inside.
Holding in all of that energy blocks the heart chakra.
The heart chakra is the center of your spirit as well as the center of the chakras, making it a vital energy center for our spiritual, mental, and physical well-being. It is associated with love, compassion, safety, trust, adventure, self-compassion, forgiveness, and relationships.
If the heart chakra becomes unbalanced, you may feel detached from the world around you. Each breath we take that connects us to our physical and spiritual world is enveloped by the heart chakra, and if unbalanced or blocked can lead to a disconnection from the people we love, love for ourselves, and love for the earth. Problems in relationships heighten and we tend to lose hope. We lose sight of beauty, love, empathy, and compassion.
from The 7 Major Chakras on curativesoul.com
As you can see, blocking the heart chakra is a bad thing.
Mr. Singer also talks about how old experiences that are still stored in the heart chakra will keep presenting themselves until the energy is processed, passes through us and then moves on.
All of that shit my parents told me about bucking it up and not to cry. Well, it appears that they were hella-fucking wrong!!
All of the time (and energy) that was spent repressing “unacceptable” emotions (energies) should have been spent processing them and moving through/past them (aka: crying, getting angry, throwing tantrums, getting excited, etc…). Instead, I was taught to ignore and suppress them – all of them: feeling good feelings too intensely was bad as well.
I am sure there are quite a few out there who can identify…
As a result of storing those negative energies, positive energies are also stored. I mean, it makes sense, right? For all the bad things popping around inside, shouldn’t there be some good things in there to bring relief every once in a while?
But, that’s not how it’s supposed to go.
That’s what it does.
In then out.
Energy shouldn’t be stopped.
If you hold your breath, you suffocate.
If water can’t flow, it becomes toxic.
So, as I have thoughts of Loserman (and most of them are happy memories)
I feel the energy of each one
As I let it rise up inside of me
I am conscious of it and how it makes me feel
I miss him and what we had
I miss our millions of similarities and I wish we could have worked through our few differences
And then I let it pass through me
Like breath and water
Ebbing and flowing