Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

It’s All Fun and Good Until Someone Gets Hurt

on October 28, 2015



I tried it…

The first few times it wasn’t so bad. It was fun, really…

Then there was last week.

Whipped with a switch that I cut for myself…


Very pretty, right?

And it doesn’t look so bad…

That was after last Wednesday night…

When he told me that he wanted to see me again the next night, I asked him to be gentle…


It didn’t feel more gentle.

In fact, it felt rougher.

I was punished for not keeping my hands behind my back.

But I had not been told to put them there.

In fact, he had been admiring his markings from the night before, so I had my hands folded submissively in front of me.

In one singular moment, I went from feeling lovely and owned and his, to feeling confused and lost and scared.

I was sent to the corner and whipped again.

With ‘my’ switch.

This time with humiliating words coming from Daddy, seething with frustration that I could not behave as I’d been told.

But I hadn’t been told… And I couldn’t backtalk… I was unable to explain and had to bear my punishment.

Breathe… In… Out…

When he was done whipping me, he fucked my throat longer than I thought was possible.

Longer than was possible, I suppose.

Because I could no longer kneel in front of Daddy.

I felt ashamed, but I was falling over before him.

The pain in my ankles and knees had become unbearable and I could no longer prostrate myself for him.

Unable to use my hands to hold myself, I fell on my side, spittle and pre-cum all over my face.

He was so angry.

“Please, Daddy! I can’t kneel any more. It hurts and I can’t!”

Furiously, he yanked me up to standing, tossed me across the room and threw me onto the bed, face first.

“Stay there, whore! You will learn to keep your hands behind your back and do as your told!”

I laid as I had landed, sobbing of course.

And I was so confused.

I want to be obedient. I want to make Daddy happy. And proud. I thought I had been, standing there, letting him admire what he had done…

I hadn’t known he wanted something different…

Is that an excuse? Am I defending myself when I shouldn’t be?

I laid there for quite a while. Crying and thinking very hard about everything that was happening to me…

Everything that had happened the night before…


“What, Bitch.”

“I’m scared and I want to go home, Daddy.”

Laying there, I heard him get up from his seat behind me and approach.

I took a deep breath, buried my face in the comforter and braced for my punishment.

He stood behind me, caressed my ass for a moment and said, “Get up and turn around and look at me.”

I did as I was told.

He took my face in his hands and said, “Daddy will take good care of you. You are here for my pleasure, but you have to trust that I won’t take it too far.”

I wanted to argue. I wanted to tell him that he had taken it too far.

After he had promised not to.

And, because of that, I didn’t trust him.

More importantly, I didn’t feel that I could defend myself.

I was so helpless.

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tight into his body, resting my cheek to his heart.

We stood there for some moments before he laid me down in the bed and made love to me…

Softly, sweetly, slowly… But I couldn’t cum… I couldn’t feel good…

There were too many thoughts racing in my head about what had happened; how it had made me feel…

Especially after what I had realized and shared with him just one night before…

I laid there beneath him and let him ‘make love’ to me.

At least I had learned my lesson about being quiet…

When he was finished, he rolled over and pulled me over onto his chest so we could settle in and fall asleep.

I settled in, but I could not fall asleep for a very long time.

61 responses to “It’s All Fun and Good Until Someone Gets Hurt

  1. johnnyid says:

    Couldn’t quite “like” this post, it scares me. There are so many red flags going on here, I can’t help but feel like you should take a big step back and reevaluate. I am by no means an expert on BDSM but I’ve done a lot of reading and been in a few situations. As you so rightly pointed out, trust is the cornerstone otherwise it goes from consensual fun to something that can be very dangerous. That he didn’t recognize that it had gone too far is not promising either.

    Before getting into any more situations with him I would highly encourage you to have a long, non-sexual conversation with him about what happened. And if he doesn’t listen and take notes, I’d run. Seriously. :\

    • sheforhim says:

      The other thoughts here are absolutely correct. This was not the act of a D/s but one much closer to (if not actually) abuse.

      If it was me, before you submit, you need to have the tools to protect yourself. That starts with having a discussion with the individual and ensuring that both of your interests are met as part of the relationship. People can forget that a successful D/s relationship is built on a successful vanilla relationship. If you do not have that part down, the D/s part is going to be tough.

      More than anything, it sounds like he needs a safe word. Something that ensures that everything stops when it gets to be too much. Green, yellow, red work very well. Especially in a situation like spanking.

      In the martial arts the wife and I take, you tap on someone when it is getting to be too much. If a light tap does not work, you make it harder. It is a physical red light.

      It sounds like he is new to D/s and BDSM. Because of that he is coming on strong to appear like what he believes a dominant should be.

      Get that conversation in place and create a safety net for yourself! If he is not willing to do either, then he may not be the right person to explore BDSM with.

      • smitten says:

        Thank you so much for taking your time to say all of that to me. Everything you said is correct. We talked before things got rough, we talked again this weekend and we talked quite a bit last night, but he is only a sexual dominant, it isn’t his lifestyle (I am not making excuses) so that might be why it seems like he’s new at it. This week he has been very different. (but I am not saying I will be sticking around for him either…)

    • smitten says:

      I can’t thank you enough for saying something, Johnny. You know I value your opinion very much ❤
      We talked last night and things were much different after that, but there are many more comments after yours that really make me think… XOX

    • secretthots says:

      Echoing: “Before getting into any more situations with him I would highly encourage you to have a long, non-sexual conversation with him about what happened. And if he doesn’t listen and take notes, I’d run. Seriously.”


      • smitten says:

        I am pretty much ready to run now, after reading everyone’s very honest and true comments… But last night was good, he was gentle and nice…
        But I know that’s also how abuse works. I have a lot to figure out: is it abuse or is he just getting used to me?

        It’s been so long, Lola. Thank you for being here ❤

        • secretthots says:

          That *IS* how abuse works.
          You cannot figure him out and really, that’s not your responsibility. Your responsible for your choices, bottom line. Perhaps the more useful question is: did I feel abused or am I just getting used to being treated badly? I think seeking an answer to this question is more realistic, responsible, and empowering… for lovely you.

          Lola xo

  2. The above commenter is absolutely right– talk this out beforehand, or don’t let it go any further.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you, Muscle Man ❤ We talked last weekend and also last night. Things were very different – but, after reading all these comments, I might be done. I have a lot of thinking to do, obviously.

  3. As Johnny said, this is not right. He should know you don’t know everything, and you should have a safe word that means he stops right away. This reminds me of a few experiences where someone sees themselves as a Dom but don’t actually know how to treat a Sub. Stop seeing this man.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you, Ann. Please don’t take this as me making excuses for him, because I am not…
      He isn’t a “lifestyle” dom, he is only dominant in sex. Last weekend and last night we talked and things have been very different, but that doesn’t mean I am sticking around. It just means I have a lot to think about and I need to back off for a while…

      • Hon it doesn’t matter if it’s only in the bedroom. He calls himself a Dom. But he’s not a good one and can do a lot of damage. You absolutely should not continue.

  4. Cinn says:

    Smitten, this is someone playing at being Dom and where it ends up could be you hurt seriously, raped or killed
    Yes that does sound dramatic… But that is what could happen.

    BDSM relationships and activity should take time. Calling someone your daddy, and giving them power over you, should take plenty of time to build up to.

    Anger has no place here. That is a key statement in your post. Red flag! Danger!

  5. Cinn says:

    PS … You needed after care… And that is just assuming everything else in this scenario was correct, which it so clearly not… But anyway… The fact that he does not know that or care enough to provide it is also a huge red flag.

    • smitten says:

      I did… That is something that has kinda been in the back of my head since the beginning… He thinks that aftercare is backing off and letting me have quiet time to myself… Last Saturday we talked about that. I told him that I need him to reach out to me and check on me, otherwise I am killing myself thinking that something is wrong. XOX!

  6. This isn’t what submission should feel like. Should look like. He should take things slow. Should ask if you’re ok. Should read your body and know when you have been pushed too far. Your feelings come first. Your limits should be respected. Known. Talked about. Yes you are there for his pleasure but your well being and emotional well being are most important.
    I’m dos sorry you went through this but before anything happens again a conversation needs to happen. He needs to know your feelings. And keep them in mind and want to have you happy and feeling safe.

    • smitten says:

      We talked over the weekend and also last night. He knows I was scared and I told him I needed to be able to trust him. He treated me very differently last night, but that doesn’t mean I am going to stay… Also, he isn’t doesn’t live the lifestyle, it’s just playtime, he isn’t like that IRL. Thank you so much for reaching out and caring ❤ it means a ton!!

      • Always listen to those gut feelings and speak up. You have the control as a submissive. Without you there is no Dominate.

        • smitten says:

          I am so bad at listening to my gut feelings… Always second guessing them… So bad at saying no… Or stop.
          I think I’m trying to prove something to myself or something… Gotta figure that shit out!
          Thank you. XOXOX!! ❤

  7. theagingsub says:

    I kept screaming, ‘please safe word’, in my head!!

  8. darkgemdom says:

    I don’t know you but followed a link from Cinn to get her.
    He said he wouldn’t tear you up. He lied.
    That (for Me) broke a rule.
    Say good bye to this sadist. Yes, that’s MY opinion.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you, Sir. He did lie.
      I told him that’s why I am having difficulty trusting him, but I haven’t posted the story about the following morning yet.

  9. Da Absentee says:

    Everyone of the commenters before me is correct. Now of days everyone seems enthralled by these ideas and scenario. You need a long discussion about how you should be treated, how he should act and yhe right way to do things. This behavior shows he is not ready to travel down this path with you. Its time to slow down xox. I liked this post for the reason of you being able to share. Such a private experience. Please take care of yourself.

    • smitten says:

      I know they are right… I almost turned off the comments for this post because I knew I would get torn up… That being said…
      The next morning he was much more gentle, (that will be tomorrow’s post). We talked about how scared I was over the weekend and he gave me some space. In that space, I thought I had done something wrong or he was disappointed in me and that’s why he wasn’t talking to me. I asked him Monday and we talked about that, too. Last night when I went over to his place we talked more about trust and a safe word, my owies and what I can and can’t do. He was very different with me…

      I am being careful. And thank you for being here ❤

  10. Kayla Lords says:

    You don’t know me, and I know nothing about you other than this post, but (((HUGS))). So much about this is wrong. If you don’t have a safe word, telling him to stop or that you were in pain should have been all it took to get him to stop. NOTHING should ever happen that hasn’t been communicated prior (not necessarily right before it happens but at some point). When you’re punished – either in a fun, kinky way OR a bad way – you should always know why before it happens and it should be because you broke a known rule or knowingly disobeyed. There are SO many red flags here and that is NOT what a healthy D/s moment or relationship should look like.

    Every D/s partnership is different but even the hardest, meanest sadistic Dominant knows to communicate, respect your limits, offer aftercare, and take care of you as a submissive. I encourage you to talk to him – outside of a sexual situation – in a serious way. Share your concerns. Share how he made you feel. And if he doesn’t listen and show a willingness to take better care of you, run – and fast. The next time you could get seriously hurt.


    • smitten says:

      You are totally right. We talked about it all in depth over the weekend and then Monday and again last night. He’s probably getting sick of talking about it, but he’s listening and making adjustments…

  11. misfiery says:

    You’re right, he did take it too far after you asked him not to do so. He doesn’t respect your wishes and he acted in anger. Please take a step back. You deserve to be able to trust the person you are giving your body, emotions, and mind. You asked for gentleness, he agreed and then did what he wanted. I’m sorry he hurt you and confused you.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you so much! I did take a step back. We’ve talked about it over the past few days. I even told him about the gift of my vulnerability and how responsible I need him to be when I put it out there for him to have.

  12. mysirsvixen says:

    I don’t know you or anything about your dynamic, or whether you are even actually IN a D/s relationship, but this is not “trying” submission, this is trying “abuse” and this man has ruined submission for you, possibly forever. Leave this sadistic narcissist NOW. Sadism fueled by rage is abuse. Stop it before you “accidentally” die because “you” didn’t know what he was thinking. It will always be “your fault”. Separate yourself from this man before he gets any more hooks into your life. He will be nasty and verbally and possibly physically abusive to try to convince you that you are worthless and need to stay with him. Get out NOW. Please.

  13. You put limits in place, you expressed you were hurt, you communicated your feelings, and all were ignored.
    What bothers me really is the lack of caring, and the lack of caring about someones feelings.
    I am not here to speak bad about another Dominant , but this is not the way a Daddy Dom acts.
    The reasons you spoke about being punished does not constitute being punished.

    What bothers me is the lack of caring about your work , today money is really tight for some, my question is how many bills is he going to pay for you this month or next?

    Most Daddy Doms are caring, nurturing, communicative , and truly concerned about their property.

    If someone does not respect your limits , then they do not respect you, nor do they care.

    Punishing is a fine line and these are things that should of been talked about prior to entering a relationship.

    Something else that bothers me is being called names out of anger. We all have pet names, my bitch, my whore and so on, but these words should never be used out of anger. An angry mans words are a calm mans thoughts.

    I am married to my slave in three years we have never had an argument, and she has been punished one time. I run a very strict micromanaged home. We have rules and structure in place and none of her rules are sexual in anyway …

    One thing I encourage those who are Baby girls slaves or submissive’s is to find someone who is active in the local community , this is very important , some will say they cannot because of their job, I meet with Doctors , lawyers , teachers and even a law maker a few years ago.

    When I met my slave one of the first things I did was introduce her to people I had known in the lifestyle for 20 years or longer, it was not to prove anything , I wanted her to feel safe and I wanted her to hear what others thought of me..

    It was some three months before my slave called me Sir and another month before she used the word Master, and two more months before I collared her.

    Stop means STOP I cant means STOP, your hurting me means STOP.

    Just some thoughts I wanted to share.

    • smitten says:

      What you are saying here is exactly what I was thinking I wanted in a Daddy. I thought I had idealized things, but it appears I haven’t. I won’t settle for less than I want and/or deserve.

  14. This is scary. I am still quite new to all of this but I don’t believe submission, or dominance for that matter, should look like this. I cannot echo the above comments enough. Also, I can’t help but ask but did you not have a safe word? Although I have doubts he would have honored one after reading this post.
    To me, Daddy means “I trust you and you are worthy of that trust.” Clearly your trust was broken. That is not okay. Please take care of yourself.

    • smitten says:

      We have talked. I have safe words now: red and yellow.
      Thank you for your concern ❤ Having you reach out and just say a little means a lot!!

  15. that is not submission. submission is mutually given and earned…rules are clearly defined i.e. keep hands behind you etc. stay safe and true to yourself

  16. Gwennie says:

    Hugs to you & everyone is correct…submission should never make you feel that way…please be careful.

  17. Isabella LeCour says:

    Like other’s I followed from Vile, to Cinn to read this. I’m horrified. Red Flag! There was no respect from him to you. He lied! He lied! Blatantly lied to you. Like everyone else is saying, that’s not Dominance. What he did was domineering and that isn’t the same as exercising dominance. And the anger, his anger…huge Red Flag. Anger has no place in dominance. It’s that loss of control, he lost control, that makes it clear, crystal clear he is not a dominant. You did nothing wrong. Not a thing wrong. You’re reacting to trauma he inflicted on you as you try to make sense and somehow make this right in your mind. This isn’t a Daddy Dom, but an out of control Sadist. Run.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you, Isabella. He did lie. He wasn’t careful and he didn’t stop. Also, you are right about the anger. In fact, that is something that I haven’t addressed with him since that day. It looks like that will be our next chat (if there even *is* another).

  18. My guess is he did not disclose he was just a sexual Dominant until recently or you would not be calling him Daddy. He has lied to you not once but twice and I am guessing way more you have not caught on to him yet.
    There is a huge difference between a Daddy Dom and someone who is just sexually aggressive in the bedroom, now if you were told all of this up front then it is different story but I am guessing you were not. You were probably misled
    What you have to do is figure out what type of relationship you need, I take it you have children, I assume at some point and time you would want a family…..
    Maybe I am wrong but I want to say one more thing. You can get hurt and hurt bad, you have a family to look after..

    • smitten says:

      Admittedly, I am naïve… He is quiet and I think some of his “lies” are hidden in his silence. But, when I ask, he tells me what I need to know. (And P.S. on your other comment – the work thing jabbed me, too… But this morning he made sure that I was out on time.)

      I do have two grown children and I do not want any more. But you are correct in that I should be there for them for as long as I can be.

      I really appreciate you taking your time to conversate with me on this. It really means a lot!!

  19. amydiktynna says:

    This is not D/s, this is abuse. Leave while you can, before he kills you or threatens your kids or your job. Anyone who won’t listen to your concerns, is only into this for his own sexual gratification, ignores your request to stop (whether or not you had an official safeword or not, your objections should have called a halt immediately) is at best a newbie, wannabe Dom/Top and at worst a sadistic narcissist and sexual predator. Bottom line, he is dangerous.

    • smitten says:

      I hear what you are saying, but I believe it is a tad bit extreme. Tomorrow, the next morning’s story will post.

      And last night, when I was with him, it was totally safe and non-kinky. He understood that he had scared me. We’ve been talking about it. We talked about it last night, too.

      But after reading all these comments, I am getting a rounder picture.
      Thank you so much for taking the time out to comment. All of this kindness is so lovely ❤

  20. Like other readers, I found this blog via the link Cinn left.

    I did hit the like button…but not because I “like” the events described.
    I “liked it” because it took courage to be this frank and forthright.
    I am “liking” your courage and your thought process with the blog.
    I am “liking” the fact you didn’t hold this in and not address it in some manner.
    I am not “liking” the theme of the blog. The theme scares me for you.

    As others have stated ahead of me…there are a lot of red flags here, I can’t say it any better.

    Your point about him being “a sexual dominant—not a Dom” struck a chord with me personally.

    It can be a confounding personality to understand, much less explain, but having encountered a man like this when I was younger, I understand exactly what you are getting at and I know for myself, once the trust was broken…so was I and the relationship.

    It’s an altered dynamic and in my case, he wasn’t interested in my best interest, any concern shown for me was phony and was to mollify me to keep me malleable for his needs, not to protect me or put my best interest first.
    (The ultimate irony for me… husband fell into the same nature in the process of trying to get me to “be the Domme” in our relationship, fortunately, that has a much better ending because he was able to step back and see what he was doing, own it and work to break the bad habits and reestablish the trust he had mangled pretty bad.)

    Older and wiser and having a solid understanding of the D/s dynamic (something I didn’t have at all way back then) now in hindsight, I am terrified of what could have been if I hadn’t found the ability to walk away from this man.

    I would like to ask if you would allow me to reblog this. The content is very personal and I can understand and respect if you wish to not have it reblogged……. wish to have it contained to your blog only.

    My blog is a F/m dynamic but this blog hits so many chords that move across the gender topic when it comes to red flags and having the courage to rethink the dynamics of any D/s relationship and stepping back an assessing how safe, sane and consensual the relationship is.

    It speaks volumes in the matter submission DOES NOT mean giving up rights to being in an environment that YOU feel safe and secure in……an environment you feel you can trust your dominant in is the hallmark of safe, sane and consensual.

    Trust broken needs time to recover, it doesn’t happen in minutes or hours…it takes TIME and the one who caused the trust to be broken…should be nurturing and patient with the one they broke it for!

    I do hope this man will allow you this time if you choose to stay in the relationship.

    Wishing you the best as you try to find your way thru all this.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you for your “likes”. How very nice for you to say all of that also!! Thank you!!
      But I am sorry you feel that way about my blog 😦 Hopefully, you just meant this one post…

      Last night was much better. And the following day will post tomorrow so you can know what happened after we woke up.

    • smitten says:

      Oh! And I never answered your very sweet question about reblogging.
      Please, be my guest and share it, if you think it would be helpful to someone…
      Thank you for asking ❤

  21. Andrew says:

    I’ll admit to not fully understanding your relationship but I’ve read and been spanked lol 😉 also I never judge but in this case I will, I’d suggest he committed a physical assault! I may be wrong but I rate this as physical abuse!

    • smitten says:

      Thanks, Andrew! It’s such a fine line we walk…
      I have only seen him been much different. I believe he was thinking that was all part of the “scene”.
      When I told him I was scared and wanted to go home, the entire mood changed to something more Daddy-like. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done.
      There will be more of the story tomorrow.

  22. […] The previous night, after he had ravaged me to the point I was scared enough to ask if I could go home, he became very gentle with me. The way he made love to me, the way he held me in his arms, the way he spoke to me, the way he woke up each time I stirred and made sure I was okay… […]

  23. […] Maybe I am too forgiving of him for the scene he took too far. […]

  24. […] are a couple of posts from over a year ago – namely this one – that paint Alaska in a bad light… “we” were new and I was scared/timid […]

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