There were a couple of days last week that could have possibly gone a little bit better.
Last Tuesday started out like it was going to be a normal day. I woke up with Alaska, morning sex, shower, kiss good-bye, the whole bit. It was nice.
Earlier that morning, way before I woke up, my post about the previous week with him published.
When I checked my email and my WordPress account after I left his place, things were totally BLOWN UP! Comments from all over everwhere…
As I read through all of them, I was overcome by so many mixed feelings because Alaska and I (the eve before that post went live) had talked about our “scene gone wrong”. We established a better communication net of our needs/desires, I have safe words now, he acknowledged that I am new at D/s and that he took things too far way too fast.
I am so amazed at the community out here in the blogosphere! Of all the comments, there was only one that mildly offended me – but it was written out of concern and that really matters to me, so I left it.
Thank you to all of you who either/and/or read my post that day, commented on my post, reached out to me in the form of an email, paid it forward… You are amazing people!!
I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you took the time reach out and make sure I am okay ❤
I got to work and, aside from those emotions, things appeared to go okay for most of the day.
The crazy girl that I work with has been extremely quiet for the past month.
She has been holding a grudge and I have been choosing to ignore it.
What happened was, one day, while I was talking on the phone with Mitch, the crazy bitch walked by my office and overheard one sentence and overreacted. Without knowing the context of the conversation, she judged the one comment. First she peeked into my office and said, “Just so you know, I heard that.” Then she stormed into her office and closed the door.
I finished the conversation I was having with Mitch and then waited for the crazy girl to open her office door so we could talk about it.
Eventually she opened it and we had a talk.
I thought things were cleared up when she said that she forgave me and she gave me a big hug saying that she understood and she missed out on relevant context that would shed some light on my statement.
It seemed sincere and I thought things were okay when we left that night (which just happened to be a Friday).
The following Monday, things were obviously not okay. I said “Hello” to her in the same way I do every single day and was greeted with a grunt. I figured that it was Monday and she could be having a bad start to her day (it happens frequently. Most mornings she is arguing with someone on her phone as she walks through the office), so I was quiet with her.
I repeated the same thing every day for the next 4 weeks, as did she. So, things stayed uncomfortable in the office for an entire month. I figured things would blow over, she just needed time…?
I acknowledged that I made a huge mistake; I apologized; she seemingly sincerely accepted my apology.
Back to last Tuesday…
So, like I said, the beginning of my day seemed to go okay. I was cycling through a lot of emotions because of my post, but work seemed okay…
Then I made the mistake of suggesting a Holiday Party venue for our agents and staff and, when I counted up the people, had the audacity to leave off the ones I already knew would not be attending. Boss-Lady loved the idea and told me to go with it. She even suggested that a week night would be better to save money…
Crazy girl was miffed and she came into my office to tell me that I had miscounted the attendees.
Apparently, that was a very big deal. When I explained that I already knew some people couldn’t make it, she was very upset that those people hadn’t told her first.
She stood in my office for 15 minutes with me arguing about the number of people. So, it only seemed natural that I say to her, “I know parties are more your thing. So, if you would feel more comfortable being in charge, I would be more than happy to let you have the reigns and I’ll take second string.” My words were chosen very carefully as to not offend.
But, she had been gunning for a fight all along (probably been laying in wait for the last 4 weeks), so she was offended that I would suggest such a thing! And that I would be such a bitch about it too!!
I tried to calmly explain to her that I wasn’t trying to upset her or to be a bitch, I just didn’t want to step on anyone’s feet. That and I fucking hate parties, let alone arranging them. But Boss-Lady asked that I start making more of an effort to be social, so I was trying…
It was at this moment the office phone started ringing.
Saved by the bell, right??
Oh. Hell to the no!!
I looked over at the caller ID and saw “BRENT – Attorneyman” and, simultaneously, my eyes rolled into the back of my head, my breath caught and my heart started racing.
Two and a half years ago I went to court for a collections thing. I settled it in court, paid the creditor and cleaned up a little bit of my credit.
Well, the attorney assigned to my case was very nice and we talked. I was the only person who showed up in court that day so he had a short day, we rode down in the elevator together and, when we got to the first floor, he asked if I wanted to have a quick coffee with him before his next appointment.
However, I found him on LinkedIn and we connected there.
A full year later, Brent called me at work and asked if we could start communicating via email. I said that we could, but exchanged about 3 emails, then he dropped off. I hadn’t heard from him since.
I stopped thinking about it some time last summer…
I looked up at the crazy girl and said, “I have to answer that. Can we continue our talk later?” then answered the phone.
First, he told me who he was and I pretended to only vaguely remember him. I also asked, in order to make sure, that there had been no further financial judgments against me and that was not why he was calling.
“Oh! Haha… No, no, nothing like that. This is strictly a personal call.” Brent started off full of apologies, “I’m sorry, you must think I am a total jerk for dropping off like that. If you don’t even want to talk to me, I completely understand.”
We talked for a couple of minutes; he asked if I had a number he could call that wasn’t my work number and if he could call me back in a few minutes.
I explained that I had a “thing” going on at work at the moment and I would need about 3o more minutes before I would be free to talk.
He agreed to call me back on my cell in 30 minutes.
Because crazy girl can see on her phone when I am on/off my phone, as soon as I hung up with Brent, crazy girl was back in my office on another tirade.
This time it was about what she had overheard a full goddamn month ago!!!!
I simply looked at her and said, “I thought that was over. I apologized, I am very sorry, and I thought you accepted it and shit was moving on. Have you been holding this grudge against me for the past month?!?!”
Shocked, she said, “I’m not holding a grudge!”
“Then why did you come back into my office to bring that up? That isn’t even what we were talking about before we were interrupted by the phone. I’m sorry, but if you will excuse me, I need to take a minute to collect my thoughts. That call was personal and kind of shook me up a little bit.”
She left my office. I went outside for some fresh air.
As soon as I got back to my office, she started in on me again. She sure has a keen ear, because I was quieter than a mouse when I came back…
This time it was because I was disrespectful for not telling her ahead of time who wouldn’t be attending the party and, again, she couldn’t get over the fact that I was talking about her behind her back with Mitch.
I tried to explain that I had asked the agents if they thought I had a good idea before I presented it to Boss-Lady and crazy girl. At that time, some of them told me that they didn’t want to have a holiday party this year.
Crazy girl was laying in on me again… The Director of Marketing heard the fuss and came down to see if he could help out…
My cell phone rang…
I laid my head down on my desk for a second and started to cry rather hysterically.
The Director of Marketing kept asking, “Are you really crying? Smitten… Are you really crying…?”
“I don’t know right now,” I answered, “But I have to take this call. If we have to, could we resume this discussion tomorrow. Please?”
Crazy girl conceded and she left along with the Director of Marketing (the next day she explained that she had stayed at work 30 minutes past her regular time so we could “hash things out”. That worked out well…).
My phone had gone to voicemail.
I took the short time before he called again to gather myself and my emotions.
We talked briefly about our lives and he told me that he really wanted to meet up with me and see if we still had any chemistry.
I agreed to meet the next day, Wednesday, for lunch.
I went home Tuesday night and got pretty freaking drunk and higher than a kite, thought about all the comments that had been made on my post about Alaska and responded to the rest of them and some emails. Then, I mulled over whatever-the-fuck happened with crazy girl at work (even listened to 25 minutes of the “argument” because I recorded it to see if it really *is* me causing the rift between us). Then I thought about Brent…
As is customary, I woke up Wednesday morning and, like it’s predecessor, it looked like it was going to be an okay day. I said my customary “Hello” to crazy girl and got the customary grunt as greeting, but it was different because Boss-Lady also greeted me that way. That was odd. Most of the time Boss-Lady is friendly and upbeat, so I figured some shit was going on in her life, too.
25 minutes before I was supposed to leave for my lunch with Brent, Boss-Lady calls me into her office and tells me to close the door.
Uh oh… Looks like crazy girl tattled… (Now who’s talking behind who’s back?!?!)
She tells me that I have a horrible attitude at work and that “NO ONE wants to come into the office, because of you!”
I sincerely doubt that, but crazy girl’s mother is Boss-Lady’s best friend so she plays favorites a lot (and rarely in my favor); I wasn’t about to explain that it could also be crazy girl’s passive aggressive antics and the baby-talk-way she’s always talking to people to get them to feel sorry for her. (She’s 35, for fuck sakes!)
Needless to say, Boss-Lady berated me in her office for the entire 25 minutes. I had to interrupt her about half-way though and tell her that I had a lunch date…
Brent texted me that he would be late.
What a relief. I responded that I got caught up in a meeting, not a problem.
When we finally arrived. I ordered a glass of wine to go with lunch…
The first thing he said after our initial greetings and niceties were over:
I hope this isn’t a big deal, but I’m married.