Admittedly, it’s a very flattering feeling to know that someone has been fantasizing about me for the last two and a half years. And he is a successful attorney after all…
We only met briefly in a courthouse; he was the collection company’s attorney, I was getting sued.
He met me under some rather unflattering emotional conditions – doing something new alone (ARGH!!), which just happened to be going to court.
- He saw me panicking at the beginning while I was explaining things to him (I think I even cried…)
- I know I cried when the company agreed to settle for half of what I owed
- I was exceptionally grateful to him after everything was settled and done – I thanked him profusely for being patient and kind and helping to make the process easier for me.
- Afterwards, when we rode down on the elevator alone together, I was my silly self – making small talk as one does, except I am a total dork…
The day after, I found him on LinkedIn and we connected there.
Maybe that’s why Brent is so attracted to me…
Inadvertently, I charmed his pants off.
He saw so many sides of me in that short period of time – definitely a more ‘intimate’ side of me – and he didn’t have to spend any time getting to know me. I mean, I *had* to be vulnerable – to myself and to the company to whom I owed money. Everything had to be laid out there on the table or nothing could have worked out in my favor.
No matter any of that. Until our lunch “date” last week, I had no freaking idea the asshole was married.
After we connected on LinkedIn, I didn’t hear anything from him for almost exactly a year (Last Year’s Attorney-Man).
He called me at work at the end of my day. We talked. He set up a private email account where we could chat (hello!! first clue right there…).
We corresponded VERY briefly – 7 emails total. When he didn’t respond to the last, I figured that he wasn’t interested, etc…
When he called me last week, I was shocked to see his name come up on the caller ID. As you may already know, I accepted his invitation to lunch.
Which is when he told me he was married.
Needless to say, I was glad I had ordered a glass of wine…
As we talked and ate, I asked him quite a few questions. Like: what exactly he wanted to get out of something with me; what would be in it for me; is he planning on getting a divorce…
His wife travels 3-4 nights every week for work, he has a 3-year-old daughter, and his clients are all over the metro area so he spends 2-4 hours a day in his car.
I gave him a reality check. “When do you think you’re going to be having time for this illicit affair? You have to be at home with your daughter on the nights your wife is gone and you have to be at home with your wife on the nights when she’s home… Also, you’re driving all the time, so it seems like you wouldn’t even have time for a lunch quickie now and again.”
Oh! If I would have taken a picture of his expression at that moment… It was precious.
He said, “You’ve been in my thoughts for so long now, I wanted see if we still had a connection. I never even considered the logistics of it all. When you put it all out there like that, it hardly seems possible.”
“And What about me? I am divorced = single. I am looking for a companion! Someone I can do things with, outside of sex, outdoors where other people are! What’s in this for me, Brent?”
“I thought that you would want the same thing. I didn’t think about that other stuff.”
“Am I supposed to just say yes to your ‘propsition’ and then wait around for you all the time??? A year and a half?!?! Never calling me, never texting me… I’ve already been there, done that with someone. It feels super shitty I need WAY more from my partner. If you only want sex from me with absolutely nothing else, NSA, you will have to pay me.”
“Gosh. I didn’t realize you would feel that way.”
Really?!?!?! You fucking didn’t?!?! Ummm… Really?!
“How did you think I would feel? You don’t know anything about me. I am a single, 44-year-old woman. I really enjoy sex, a lot a lot, but I also like having a bond with the person fucking me.”
We talked some more while we finished our lunches. Oddly, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all, but it was a little sad because I learned some things about him that made me wish I could like him…
As we parted, he said, “I think that I could figure out a way to work around our schedules and we could make it work.”
“No, Brent. Just. No. Didn’t you hear anything I said? Look, lunch was nice and extremely interesting and insightful. Thank you for that. But I have to confess that my heart is a little broken that you only want me to fuck me. I am way more than that.”
“Oh, Smitten! I am sorry. That’s not how I feel about you at all. That’s not all I want.”
“Isn’t it? That’s sure how it looked to me. We can stand here in the parking lot and beat this dead horse, but you can’t give me what I need.”
We hugged and parted ways and I thought, that was that, wiped my hands and walked away.
Then, he called this Tuesday and, when I didn’t answer, left me a voicemail.
I didn’t call him back.
He sent me a text at 5PM while I was driving to a job interview. I responded with what I was doing and that I didn’t have time…
He asked if he could call me at 6, when I was done.
I told him he could, but only because I wanted to tell him again that I am not going to do this “whatever” thing with him.
He called and we talked and I told him all of the same things and he said all of the same things… This time I even added that I am currently sexually active and that isn’t about to stop just because he wants to use me for the occassional booty call…
It didn’t phase him. He was totally okay with it.
It was maddening.
The phone call ended and he still thinks that he has a ‘chance’.
FYI – he doesn’t.
Unless this horsefly is planning on paying me…