Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Put a Label On It

on November 17, 2015

I was finally able to talk to Alaska Saturday afternoon.

After a little over three months of letting him fuck me and violate me and humiliate me, I thought it was time I knew where I stood in his life:

He doesn’t take me out places.

We haven’t been to dinner together (except one night at Wendy’s, so that doesn’t count), or a movie…

I asked him if he wanted to go to one of our local amusement parks with me last month before it closed for the season; he said “No. That’s not really my thing.”

I asked him one Sunday night if he wanted to come roller skating with me and he told me that he’s too old for it (really?! I am two years older!).

He doesn’t like to kiss.

He really doesn’t like PDA (we’ll get into that shortly).

However, he has introduced me to his father, mother, younger (and best friend) brother and two of his nephews.

He wants me to stay for the night whenever I go to his place and doesn’t want me to leave in the morning when it’s time for me to go.

He doesn’t just fuck me. We talk about things, too… I haven’t let him in very far. In actuality, I think that I know more about him… Which is strange because he is so very quiet.

We usually spend 2 nights a week together. Last Monday I spent almost a full 24 hours at his place.

…and there’s the way he holds me whenever we’re sleeping or in bed together…

We walked to the park near his house. I was on the sidewalk, he walked in the street. He seemed so distant. I made several comments about it while we were walking. He said that the sidewalk was too narrow and too full of leaves, but when I walked out into the street to join him, he continued to maintain distance.

Without even having to ask my question, it seemed he was already answering it.

We sat down on a bench at the park in uncomfortable silence for a couple moments before I blurted out what I wanted to say:

“So… I kinda need to know what I am to you. I mean, am I just sex? Do you actually like me? Do you see what we have leaving your bedroom any time in the future?”

Eye contact and silence. So, I continued:

 “Look. It doesn’t matter to me either way, but I am starting to really like you and need to know what I am to you so I can curb my feelings before I get too attached. In the short time that I have known you, I’ve let you have quite a lot of my vulnerability. More than I have with anyone else. At least physically…”

“Oh yeah?”

“Ummm. Yeah. Dork. I’m trying to figure out what ‘this’ is, because if I am nothing more than a booty call to you, I would like to have your blessing to see other people too. People who don’t mind being in public with me, holding my hand and kissing me… You know, stuff like that…”

He took a second to think on it and responded, “Everything is new for me here, Smitten. My career is new, working with my brother is new, living with my family that I haven’t seen in years is new, being so far away from my sons is new, and especially you. Like I told you before, I didn’t expect to meet you. I do like you, but I am not ready to define what we ‘are’ yet. I didn’t expect this to happen. If you want to see other people, I guess I won’t stop you.”

We talked a little longer.

As we chatted, I tried to get closer to him on the park bench and cuddle or hold his hand. He was completely unresponsive.

The walk back to his townhome was just as distant and awkward as it had been on the way there. I made some uncomfortable jokes about it and asked him if I smelled bad or something. He continued to walk in the middle of the street. It was so strange that he didn’t even want to hold my hand.

We returned to his place and he got a text from his brother about a house they had made an offer on. Up to this point, Alaska still had not kissed me, hugged me… The entire walk to and from the park there had been no physical contact… For a while at the park, he let me touch him and stroke his hand, but it went no further than that…

He needed to get some work done… I told him I wouldn’t leave without a kiss and a hug.

That’s all I got.

As I left, I felt like I had my answer – even though he hadn’t really given me one.

I need to slow down and let things happen however they will… Why I feel such a need to rush things I will never know…

Maybe I was hoping that he might actually have feelings for me, too.

Maybe he does…

I wanted to be able to put a label on it.

10 responses to “Put a Label On It

  1. corsetandstockings says:

    Friends with Benefits?
    Sounds like a man completely NOT in touch with his feelings, whereas you are a woman who very much IS.
    Be careful here, even slowly may not be enough. I’m worried about your heart here…x

    • smitten says:

      Yes. It seems like that’s all I can find anymore – friends with benefits. I am still being wary with this guy. He hasn’t said anything to me since that talk and I will be waiting for him to make the next move.

      Thank you, Sweetie ❤

  2. Cinn says:

    Sometimes I think people say more with what they don’t say…..
    I think you have your answer… It’s just not one that you like. Hugs

    • smitten says:

      I knew this guy wasn’t “the one” and I kinda figured that all he wants me for is sex – at least for now… Neither one of us is in a position for a relationship now anyway. Just wondering if he *liked* me is all.

  3. Isabella LeCour says:

    You got your answer, in his actions and reactions to your question. You’re a booty call. Nothing wrong with that. As to him liking you, he likes you enough to enjoy your company…it’s a bit of a requirement for booty calls. So chemistry is there between you and him but it looks like a purely physical chemistry. Unfortunately, booty calls tend to remain booty calls. They might change into long term friendships but that is rare. I’ve never had or seen anyone take a booty call and turn it into a real relationship on the long term. Though, I am curious as to why it’s important for him to “like” you?

  4. johnnyid says:

    I have often suggested to women that guys are ridiculously simple to read. If they’re actually interested they will make the effort, they’ll be available and communicate. If they aren’t… they won’t. It really is that cut and dry most of the time.

  5. lisafab says:

    How interesting that he wouldn’t take you out to dinner but introduced you to his family. You definitely were patient giving him 3 months and SO NOT rushing things. Like Johnny said, my motto is if the guy doesn’t treat me right at the beginning, than that means he’s never gonna treat me right so I just move on. It makes things so stress free…

    • smitten says:

      Thank you, Lisa! You are so very right! I need to learn how to move on. For some reason, I try to make something work out of everything. Hate to waste an opportunity…

      I wish I had spent any time dating at all when I was younger. This is so new to me.

Talk to me :-)

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