Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

What Is My Problem?

on December 11, 2015

I spent some time with Mr. X last week. It was lovely and refreshing. I love seeing him so much.

While we were talking, I asked him that exact question:

What IS my problem?

I have a wonderful skate family trying to love me and all I do is worry about when they will get sick of me.

They want me to skate with them 3 nights a week and do gymnastics with them 2 other nights and I am scared that, if they really spend that much time with me, I will get annoying and they will stop liking me. (and I actually like spending time with Alaska, and my kids… LOL.)

Then there’s Alaska. He knows me intimately and that type of thing hasn’t worked out for me yet… I’m convinced that he will get sick of me, as Loserman did, and he will end up breaking my heart, too. It’s getting harder and harder to guard myself around him and I am so worried that, when he sees all of me… Well, you know…

I have spent so much time doing things (or not doing anything) by myself, that I don’t know how to share so much of my time with others… Especially the same other people.

I am a lone wolf.

You know what I mean?

After explaining what I meant by my question, Mr. X told me that it could be because they are willing to accept me as one of their people, but I am simply not ready to accept them as my people. Yet.

It only took a moment for me to realize that what he is probably right. I do spend a lot of time caging myself off from others. It’s safer that way: being a mysterious unknown 😉

“Always leave them wanting more” is basically my theory…

Here on my blog, readers can read if they want or not, comment if they want or not… When they get sick of my drama they can stop following me…

But when tangible people are right here in front of me, it’s kind of different: they can’t turn me off.

And it surprises me every time they don’t want to.



One response to “What Is My Problem?

  1. missagathaarmstrong says:

    my lovely… I feel the same way. it always surprises me completely when someone is happy to see me …

    but I know from you words that you are someone I want in my life … even though I am quiet at present. finding it hard without Mr F …

    but you are a treasure … x

Talk to me :-)

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