Letting Go

Letting Go

PassThrough

It occurred to me last Thursday morning that, maybe I am holding back on really liking Alaska because I am holding on to Loserman so tightly.

Why? I don’t know. There is still a part of me deep inside that wants him back, that yearns for his body to hold mine against his…

It’s probably because of my immediate need to force myself to get past him as soon as I realized it was over (I still wish someone could flip my “Loserman” switch to OFF). I didn’t let my heart heal. I just jumped right in and tried to start something new with TC. Which hurt me even more.

Now, I am here with a torn-apart heart and a man who is making an effort with me… Not only has he introduced me to all of his family here in Denver, he has also taken me under his wing in other aspects of life as well (I’ll cover that tomorrow).

He might not kiss me a ton or take me out for fancy dinners or buy me expensive gifts, but he is patient with me and tries to understand me. He doesn’t put thoughts in my head or words in my mouth. He holds me close and comforts me when I need it.

He might be a bit rough with me at times and he definitely needs to work on his aftercare, but we’re brand new.

We’re still learning each other.

It’s only been since the end of September. There’s no need to rush things.

I need to accept, appreciate and enjoy the fact that Alaska is in my life right now and that he is actually trying and present – in a very real way.

Ultimately, I know that everything comes to an end, good and bad. I have to stop dwelling on that and live in the moment.

Who knows? This moment could last a very long time 🙂

everything2

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