Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

I Won’t Date a Smoker (or Someone Who Doesn’t Pay His Bills)

on January 15, 2016


Last night I had a date with someone I met on Tinder over the holidays.

What a nightmare!

Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch, but it was pretty abysmal.

We met at the Starbucks by his house after I got off work. Dinner was out because he was “low on funds right now.”

He was already inside when I got there and stood up to greet me and give me a hug when I got to the table. But he didn’t offer to get me a drink or food or anything.


20 minutes in I was looking for a way out. I’d set my phone alarm for much later because the text/chat/phone conversations were very comfortable and I didn’t think I would want to escape so soon.

After the initial niceties, he explained that when he got home that afternoon his electricity had been shut off. He claimed that he never received notice of it and made a big show of scrolling through his email on his phone so he could say, “Nope. I never got one.”

Now, we all know that Xcel Energy doesn’t just go and shut off your electric and gas without saying anything. Especially in the wintertime in cold states!

Apparently, 5 years ago, when he moved from an old apartment, he forgot to take the Excel bill out of his name. None of the tenants after him ever bothered to change it into their names. When Xcel contacted him about it 3 years ago, he owed them over $4,000!

What about me draws these types of men?

He told me that he still owes them about $2,500 and hasn’t made his monthly agreed-upon payments since November because of the holidays, yada yada…

He’s constantly changing jobs. Quitting one to go back to another and then quitting the new ones to go back to the old ones.

He talked about work for entirely too long! Matter of fact, the entire conversation was very one-sided.

And – he smokes.

When he pulled out his pack of cigarettes and said, “I have this one vice that I just can’t shake”, I had an out!

I looked down at Marlboros that he put on the table and said, “Ohhh. That’s a deal-breaker. I can’t date anyone who smokes. It’s been really hard for me to quit and I don’t want to have to do it again.”

“I understand,” he said. “I’ve tried to quit so many times and I just can’t.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly why I can’t date a smoker. I hate when my hair smells like cigarette smoke and my clothes and my skin. I want to smell like sweet fruit and flowers, not like an ass-tray ( 😉 ). I work kinda hard to smell amazing all the time.”

It was at this point he offered to get me something to drink/eat.

“That’s alright,” I replied. “I need to get going. I promised I would bring my daughter to work tonight. Plus, it seems like you have a lot to take care of… Figuring out where you’ll be staying tonight… Good luck with all that, man. I hope you can work it out.”

He walked me to my car and we hugged again. I couldn’t tell if he wanted a kiss simply because there was no way in hell it was going to happen!

“I really like you, Smitten. You’re really cool.”

Good-byes were awkward.

The feeling was not mutual.

8 responses to “I Won’t Date a Smoker (or Someone Who Doesn’t Pay His Bills)

  1. Jayne says:

    Looking back, could you see any of what you saw in person? Your question to your self makes me wonder because I think we do attract certain traits. I don’t think you can see some traits easily from dating sites though. Was it chance? Do you think he was he looking to stay with you for the night?

  2. oceanswater says:

    Loser! That’s my opinion about this guy. Smh

Talk to me :-)

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