Thursday night I received a text from Alaska out of nowhere. It had been 6 days since my 10PM panicked call to him while I was trying to sort out what happened with MM. When he didn’t follow up with me afterward, I wasn’t surprised (I was kind of hoping he wouldn’t anyway) – it’s not like I left him a voicemail or sent him a text or anything…
Friday night he messaged me again, asking what I was doing. I was on my way to a date so I told him I was going to dinner (no lies this time). Alaska was doing laundry… It was a quick and simple conversation.
Saturday he was quiet, so I figured he had given up..
I didn’t hear from him again until Sunday evening during the Super Bowl (GO BRONCOS!!!)
Again, another brief yet pleasant text exchange.
And then later, once the Broncos won:
This morning it’s taking everything in my power to hold back and not reach out to him. I have to keep reminding myself that he really isn’t what I want, he’s only what I currently know and knowing makes him seem more comfortable.
I wish that, if he wanted to see me, he would just fucking tell me that he wants to see me! It feels like he’s fishing around, waiting for me to tell him how much I miss him and how much I want to see him again and feel his arms around me while I sleep…
And, I do want that.
I want it very badly.