My Grandiloquent Craig’s List Experience (aka: get ready, this is gonna be a long one)

My Grandiloquent Craig’s List Experience (aka: get ready, this is gonna be a long one)

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Last week I thought I would try something new and check out Craig’s List. It was interesting and seemingly more honest than any of the actual dating websites that I have been trying. (Don’t bother with Zoosk. You have to pay for everything.)

I was going to show you part of his original posting here, but it looks like he’s taken it down. Let me just say that it was quite loquacious and leave it at that.

I will be referring to him here as Shakespeare.

Very shortly you will see what I mean and why.

My first note to contact him was short and sweet:

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His response came within a couple of hours:

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He was right. His pictures were not very good. His afro looked combed but completely unmanaged and he had on a white t-shirt that was extremely wrinkled. He sent one where he wasn’t wearing his glasses and two where he was.

To be honest, I was not impressed by his appearance at all, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt – so far he seemed like a nice guy and maybe those were just bad selfies; looks aren’t the most important thing anyway. He was very articulate and quite brilliant so I kept the conversation going over the next couple of days:

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It gets “rather long-winded” (understatement of the year) at this point, so I have color-coded the screen shots for your viewing pleasure 😉

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We met for coffee at the pre-established time and place.

I was dressed very nicely in a red form-fitted sweater and a pair of my more sexy jeans. I even put light makeup on (I don’t usually wear any makeup)!

He showed up in a wrinkled t-shirt and black slacks, reeking of patchouli.

In my humble opinion:

THAT IS NOT HOW YOU DRESS (OR SMELL) FOR YOUR FIRST DATE WITH A FEMALE PERSON:

COFFEE OR DINNER OR WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fucking respect me enough to put some goddamn effort into getting ready for me.

I fucking did for you!!!

*sigh* I am really fed up with trying to look nice when I am going on a date with someone. Aside from Mr. Nice Guy, every man I have met or gone out with on a date has left a lot to be desired in the “getting ready for a date” department. Apparently, a crappy-ass t-shirt (with or without a printed logo/saying) and raggedy-ass pants with tennis shoes is completely acceptable dating attire these days.

Let me note here, for the record, I am not okay with that!

I don’t care what age group you fall into: dress the fuck up and try to present yourself well the first time you meet someone, for goodness sakes!!

Okay… Whew… I’m glad I got that off my chest…

Coincidentally, one of the first topics of conversation was how his job recruiter (for his awesome new job at Janus) called that day to ask if Shakespeare had any “nice clothes. You know, like a suit and tie?”

Shakespeare was actually offended that the recruiter even called and asked that question.

Ummm… I held my tongue. But it did not surprise me based on my first impression of the wrinkled black t-shirt and slacks he wore for our ‘date’. I commiserated with him a little about it. Since I’ve been interviewing for jobs lately, I have also been getting strange advice from the recruiters. For example: if the interviewer asks you a question about why you want the job, do not answer “Because I have to have some kind of way to make money and pay my bills. It doesn’t grow on trees, you know?!” (Like, DUH, really?! I am 44 fucking years old, for Christ sakes…!)

The conversation was comfortable, for the most part. I could tell he was a little nervous, but not overwhelmingly so.

I am loud, he was extremely quiet. I even toned it back for him: I think I only swore a couple of times and it wasn’t even the f-bomb.

It took until almost the end of our ‘date’ for me to get comfortable and actually see myself going out with Shakespeare a second time.

But, after our sparse correspondences throughout the weekend, I am not sure I can.

(Also, if you can’t tell, his dressing like shit is really a factor for me.)

He walked me out to my car. We said our Good-Byes, then he leaned over and “kissed” me. It was a very quick peck. So quick that I didn’t even have a chance to respond. It was over as soon as it started. Not my most memorable kiss, that’s for sure.

I composed a very brief email when I got home Friday night telling him that I had a good time. It was sent from my personal email to the new, non-craigs-list email address he had given me earlier that day. I suspected that he wouldn’t see it until Saturday morning…

He didn’t, but Shakespeare sent this sweet email anyway.

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It was as lovely and articulate as all the rest of his notes, but there was something in it that left me with a really yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach:

…even if there were various irreconcilable personality differences, your very hotness melds me to you.

*sigh* I don’t want to be his stupid, but pretty, girlfriend…

I know he meant well, but the feeling that I had every time I read those words made me feel like I needed to address it in my response:

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That note from him concerns me even more:

  1. It seems that he is overly obsessed with the way I look.
    Conversely, I do not really like the way he looks (or presents himself) at all.
  2. I am a very active person. Like a Jack Russell Terrier, if I don’t get “exercised”, I will absolutely drive you insane! Ask TC 😉 Also, I like football.
    Shakespeare rarely leaves his home and he doesn’t really like organized sports. Saturday was an immensely gorgeous day and he spent it cooped up. I want a partner that I can GO and DO stuff with on the nice days! Maybe even toss around a ball…
  3. I am trying to get OUT of the box that I have stuffed myself into. I want to learn how to be more social; to be more comfortable in groups.
    That doesn’t seem to be much of a goal of his at all.

A few minutes later, I received a short note from him:

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Ummm… I like the Broncos. We talked about it while we were out on Friday. I told him I would be watching the game with my daughter.

Here is a link to his blog if you want to check it out. It’s very, very intellectual and verbose (like his emails). I tried reading it.

It’s way too cerebral for me.

I responded to him late Sunday evening, after the Super Bowl.

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I wanted to tell him how I felt – that he’s too smart and I am too stupid, that just because *I* am pretty and that’s good enough for him maybe I want to feel that kind of physical attraction, too…

But Monday was his first day at his new job and I didn’t want my injurious words (whether well-intended or not) to ruin or affect his performance.

This is what I have cued up to send him. I just don’t know when to send it…

Good evening,

Your blog is crazy brilliant! After reading several of your posts, I wonder that I am entirely too simple to have ongoing articulate conversations with you. In no way do I feel that I will be able to continue to stimulate you intellectually. I can appear brilliant here on paper, as I can take my time and reread my words and look up synonyms to appear crafty. But, in real life I don’t think I would be able to arouse you much more than physically for any period of time, and I want ever so much more than that. Forever I would feel banal in comparison.

We are indeed very different people, Shakespeare. I’m not sure, even considering yin vs yang, that we would be able to make our oppositeness work for much longer than temporarily. I am extremely physically active and I am also at a point in my life where I am trying to find a companion with whom I can share commonalities and some of those activities. Maybe not roller skating, per se, but travelling and getting outdoors, most certainly!

Also, it sucks to even bring this up, but it’s an elephant in the room and needs to be addressed – that is the matter of physical attraction. The wonderful praise that you give me in regards to my appearance, and personality, is flattering to say the least!! However, as fascinating and attractive as you are, I was disappointed in your presentation of your self at our first meeting. As I had made an effort to look nice for you, I would have appreciated if you had done the same. I hope that I am incorrect in thinking this, but it seemed as if you merely threw on a wrinkled black t-shirt and some slacks before coming to meet me. It might seem shallow for me to feel this way or say it like this, but the way one presents themselves on the outside very much represents how they are on the inside…

I hope and trust that your first days at work were as amazing as they were crazy.

I don’t know how to close it…

Any advice you could offer to me in regards to its content and closure would be greatly appreciated 😀 XOXO!

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