Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Houston, We Have a Problem

on February 18, 2016


I have no real desire to write anything… As if you couldn’t already tell that by my lack of writing… I have a whole Sk8cation to tell you about! I had a roommate. We didn’t get along so well…

Also, I haven’t been keeping up with other bloggers like I usually do. (I’m sorry, Friends! ❤ )

Most of my energy has been going into negotiations with The Universe re: Alaska.

For example:

“If Mr. Nice Guy cancels our date for this Friday night, I’m going to call Alaska.”

So then yesterday, Mr. Nice Guy rescheduled our Friday night date for Saturday afternoon. I don’t have any problems with it whatsoever, but what the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?!?!?!

Then I tell The Universe:

“Well… Since you were so entirely vague on that one, let me add this caveat – if Alaska texts me again before I go to sleep Friday, I am going to ask him if I can spend Sunday night at his place.”

Notice that I haven’t actually asked him if I could come over and see him.

I just think about it constantly.

Then remind myself how much he has actually hurt my feelings and how he’s done it more than once…

Do I want to go through the same thing with Alaska as I did with Loserman? Wondering if he’s going to cancel our plans at the last minute or if he even really likes me at all…

But, I don’t really wonder if Alaska likes me. He does. He still checks up on me every few-to-several days.

I “dumped” him on New Years Eve. That was over 6 weeks ago!

It’s gotten to the point now where, every time it seems like I’m okay and I stop thinking about him all the time, he reaches out to me.

On Valentines Day he didn’t even cross my mind.

Then I received a text from him. *sigh*

I responded.

I cried.

Is it too late for me to establish ground rules with myself for my perception of this “relationship” with Alaska?

I mean, why does it even have to be a “relationship”?

Here I am negotiating… *smh*

It seems to me that I shouldn’t even be going through a grieving process over Alaska. We only fucked for a few months.

Why is his absence driving me so batshit crazy!?!

8 responses to “Houston, We Have a Problem

    • smitten says:


      Are you planning a trip here soon?

    • smitten says:

      I didn’t do it…

      • johnnyid says:

        Good. I thought about your question, the second guessing, feeling the absence. I think it has to do with losing something. When we’re in the situation we feel all the bad with the good and think “we deserve better”. We end it… but then we have nothing. Then the question is kind of turned on it’s head, “wasn’t something, even a not great something, better than nothing?”

        We just have to focus on the first answer, we deserve better, and trust that if that’s what we’re looking for we’re more likely to find it. Don’t get distracted by the second guessing, don’t settle for less than what you deserve.

        • smitten says:

          I’ve said this before, Johnny. You’re right 😉
          I appreciate your wise words more than you know, even though it doesn’t make my need or desire go away… Thank you for the reminder that I still need to stick with the plan of finding what I truly want and deserve!

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