Too Much Too Soon

Too Much Too Soon

Why can’t I ease into things?

Mick has a girlfriend. I thought I could be okay with that.

More importantly, he thought he could be okay with that.

It turns out that neither of us is okay with that because, well, feelings…

Goddamn feelings!

I’ve brought them up already with him a couple of times.

After spending our second night together last Thursday, Mick took great care of me. When he finished whipping my back, he rubbed oil into the lashings. After he was finished torturing my nipples, he kissed them with his sweet, warm lips and caressed them with his tongue.

And I fell asleep curled in his arms, just as I like.

Since last Friday I’ve had these fucking feelings:

I like Mick. I want to do things with him. Things other than have him smack me around and fuck me.

It would be nice if we could walk across a parking lot, holding hands, without him thinking he just saw his girlfriend’s car drive by.

Or if we could talk outside anywhere without him worrying that we’ll see someone he knows.

He’s having feelings about all that, too.  Along with feeling conflicted because he’s starting to care about me and doesn’t feel as comfortable physically hurting someone he cares about.

You are completely wonderful! No matter what, I feel very selfish and will always want to do more to please you.

Last night and this morning were wonderful as well. My moments with you are awesomely special! Thank you for sharing this part of yourself with me and letting me be vulnerable with you.

Happy Friday! I’m glowing…
Kinky kisses from your kinky kitten

I am very much like you. I don’t think I am doing anything amazing or wonderful or any of that. I think you are incredible for letting me do these things to you. The confidence and trust that you display is awesome. I rather feel as though I am taking advantage of you. It is a very fun advantage though. I can’t seem to express how good I feel when I am around you. Thank you baby. I’m just kind of floating along with this big grin. Thoughts and visions of last night keep popping up. It is cool to keep trying different things on you. The little hard whips got some very big reactions, but I didn’t hear a no. The little leather popper I made seemed to get some nice reactions on your back. That one will definitely get used more often, all over. And yes, I will put you in more restraint next time. I want to use that spreader, maybe even some of your toys. It wasn’t as much about sex this time as last. And yet you are very special. No. Awesome!

As much fun as last night was, I did feel somewhat deprived. I didn’t get to see the look on your face when I would whack you with something different. Maybe that is why I liked slapping your pussy so much, I get to see your face with all of the complex expressions you have. Or when I had your nipples in the bamboo. Tied with the string was awesome, just like you.

Some of last night’s fun…

AssMarks

Back

Even better excuse to figure out how to use the spreader on me, right?

Next time, you can position me in front of a mirror… Or you can try things on my front. I don’t know how I’ll react cuz my belly is much more sensitive than my ass. My upper thighs might be a good place … … … Please let me know whenever there is something you want me to do for you or to you. I was sincere when I told you that I will always want to do more to please you.

Those pictures of me are tame compared to the ones you send me of other girls… It’s funny because, when you’re whipping and smacking me it feels like it should leave huge marks, but this morning there was nothing left except those two tiny marks. I wonder how those girls can put up with all that pain for so long. Is it something I can work up to? Do I want to work up to that kind of pain? I would like for you to try my wheel sometime after you’re done with the belts, your hands and that funky leather popper you made. It will probably feel a lot like the wax did, but I’m curious.

Funny thing… I like the pictures without my face much better. My back is pretty, my ass is pretty, but I’m not sure I like my fuck faces. But, you do, right? And that’s what’s important.

I am again on Cloud 9 today! Whether it was more sex or less sex, it was a lot of touching and I love that. There is one thing I need to learn to get over, though. I feel guilty because you didn’t have an orgasm. I feel guilty because I got off and you didn’t. I wish I understood more about how that feels for you or if/how it messes you up if you don’t cum. Maybe we could talk about all that again when we’re together. I enjoyed that you were willing to talk to me about some of that. I need to get more comfortable with those questions and just ask what I need to ask.

Wish I didn’t have to be here today… Hope you’re enjoying the weather. I think I’ll try to get out for a jog this afternoon 🙂
XOXOXOX

Yes doll, I do like to look at your face. Not only is it pleasing, it tells me many things while I am giving you pain. Your ass, your back, your legs, your pussy are all pleasant to look at, but they don’t give me information. When I have my hand on your neck, I can tell from your eyes where you are at. I like that look. Maybe I am a little too clinical, but I like more light to see you in.

As far as me not getting off. I did have a psychological nut. This whole thing is still kind of new, so figuring things out will take a bit. I have a whole bunch of stuff to process too. Example: when you were sucking me and had me in your throat was so awesome I can’t really tell you. I can still feel it while I am writing about it. While I was force fucking your face, I sort of felt bad that I was being forceful, but at the same time it felt soooo good. Maybe a little strange, but that is some of what has been going through my brain. Might sound a little odd because we got together to “use and abuse you”. We both have things to process from each get together. Then we ask questions. That is one of the coolest things about you. You talk to me about this stuff. Awesome. This morning while headed home I had some selfish thoughts. Last night you told me that you had an ex texting you. I think I got a little jealous maybe because I don’t want to share you right now. I want to have you all to myself. May not be realistic, but it was there. You are so awesome to me and my fear was coming out. I touched on that fear before but didn’t give any detail to you. More for us to talk about.
Baby, I’ll do whatever you want done on/to/for you. Your wheel, electro, dildos. Then I will make you feel good again. I love doing that. We have many conversations and practice times to figure out what we want to do or how to do.

We do have a lot to talk about… I want to know so much more about you. I have so many questions about you, but I am afraid to ask most of them because I’m not sure I want to know your answers (but I need to. Does that make sense?)

I’m getting very close to you very fast and that scares *me*. It’s what I was worried about initially. Especially since any dreaming about “us” that I do is completely unrealistic. But I don’t want to ruin the awesome place where we are today with all that negative pondering, so that is all I will say about that.

You are very special to me and I will enjoy you every single moment that I can!

You know that you can ask anything you wish. Some of what I can imagine you might ask I may not want to think about yet, but it is up for discussion.

I certainly don’t want to spoil how I feel right now. The big shit eatin’ grin might be a giveaway how I feel. A nap would be really nice. Too much stuff to do for that. I had a couple more ideas of how to use the spreader bar that were rather cool in my head. Might suck in practice though. Yesterday was funny. I had all of these ideas to tie you up and didn’t do any of them. What we did was wonderful. Just wasn’t what I had been dreaming about. No complaints on this end. You were absolutely awesome. As always.

Since we got off to such a “good” start and saw each other so much at first, this weekend is going to seem a little lonely without you. You make me very happy and I feel more special with you than I imagined was possible. Thank you for last night. Thank you for this morning. They were and you are totally amazing. I’m looking so forward to our next moments together!!

Weekends are going to be even tougher with summer coming on. As long as we can still do Thursdays, that will be nice. Sometimes I will have travel plans on a weekend here in the state. Maybe you will be able to go for part of it. That would be sweet.

Remember last Thursday I kept getting phone calls? Today it has been phone and email. Haven’t gotten a lot done.

I did put away the basket of goodies. It seemed like I could relive each one as I put them away. The whack, the flinch and wince of pain they each brought. You are awesome.

My nipples are *my* reminders of you… This time my ears and neck aren’t sore like last time – or my waist. It didn’t seem like you were as “hard” on me as last week. By the way, so you know, I liked having your dick in my throat and I didn’t think you were being too rough when you were face-fucking me. My body is your playground. I have enjoyed most everything thus far, especially when I know how much you are enjoying it. And I feel safe.

I keep imagining you looking down at me with your devious smile. Then I end up with a silly smile on my face, too. LOL!

Has anyone asked you about your shit-eating grin yet?

I do so enjoy playing with you. You are willing and eager. I don’t have to try to talk you into something. Next time I’m sure your nipples will be sore again, because I love to play with them. They got more torture this time than just me sucking, biting and twisting on them. I hope it is different every time we are together. I used several different things to smack your ass and your back this time rather than just my hands on your ass like the last time. Next time will be different again.

So many things to try!! It’s my pleasure to please you, my dear man!!

I meant to tell you that there were a couple times last night when I got a little nervous while you were choking me. The way you grab my throat is so different than anyone has grabbed me before. You get right in there and cut off the blood flow completely. It was kinda scary – when the belt was around my neck, too. But you stopped as soon as I signaled you.

I can’t thank you enough for taking care of me and making sure I’m safe. This is certainly a different kind of relationship than I have ever had!

I definitely don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I won’t let you go out on me. That is why I want to see your face. I can read your face to know when you have reached your limit. The whole thing sounds kind of strange. I am torturing you but am keeping you safe.

I enjoyed talking to you this afternoon. We have some interesting conversations. Would be nice to do it more.

I still think you are awesome.

We spoke on the phone for a long time Friday evening, Saturday morning and again this past Sunday.

Sunday afternoon he took me out on his bike again. We had a lovely time, but we didn’t bring up any of the things we need to discuss.

Then, back to email communication…

YO,
I got my friend’s bike back to her. She’s happy now.
Now I have a couple of bucks again. What ya’ doin’ Thursday night baby???? Working on my story for overnight. I really like the time we have had on Thursdays. Well, pretty much any other time too. Today was really cool outside your apartment. We had some interesting conversations. By the time Thursday rolls around we just may have to bump uglies or maybe you suck me off before anything else, and get a load off our minds. You get the joy of being able to cum multiple times, I wish I could too. Guess I will have to find some answers of how to do that again. The back and shoulder rubbing that you were doing today was awesome. Thank you. Definitely feel free to do that anytime. Anytime you touch me is good. Talk later.

Yo! Hope you’re sleeping well. I will be in a couple minutes, just wanted to drop you a note quick.

Glad you got business taken care of! Really don’t want to interfere with your regular life and I think I’ve been doing way too much of that. I also enjoyed all our time together today. Being with you is like a gift to me. Every single bit of it: riding with you, being molested by you, talking at my apartment… Getting to touch you and make you happy is a giant bonus!

We can hook up again on Thursday.

I do worry about getting attached. I really need to talk about that. You have someone, I *want* to have someone. It’s been tearing me up inside, more than I’ve been letting on. We can’t do things together as a couple and I really want someone who can do that…

Good morning, sweetheart
Your kinky kitten

Good morning my dear,

I know this has been bugging you. I am not blind. You are way more than I imagined and am having some issue as well. Things are no longer clear what I am doing. Don’t worry about interfering with the regular life. I have to deal with that. Yes, I agree we should talk about that. We sort of danced around it yesterday. Let’s have lunch this week. Tuesday would be good for me. You?? We are in a very unusual spot, so let’s take it easy. We have been talking for what, 4 weeks now? I think we both have the jump all in mentality and we would like to figure this out “tomorrow”. Not like we don’t have experience that doesn’t work very well. I am in somewhat of a state of confusion here as well and would like to figure it out. The dichotomy in my mind is similar to how I treat you. One moment it is very tender and the next I am smacking you with a belt. It (you) have me in a quandary. I don’t want us to do anything out of “desperation” for what we think we want. We have been able to talk about anything so far. Let’s continue.

Have a job and will not be around email till this evening. I’ll call you in a few while I’m driving.

Your confused Dom, lover and friend and some other things that I don’t know yet.

We talked on the phone for a while Monday morning after I got to work. It’s nice to be able to talk to him about this stuff, but we didn’t get anything resolved.

That probably won’t happen for a long, long time because that’s how long relationships actually take.

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6 thoughts on “Too Much Too Soon

  1. Don’t be a side bitch. If he is willing to cheat on her he will cheat on you. I know that the girlfriend expierence is what your wanting, the holding hands and affection. Be careful with your heart if you give it to a

      1. Oh! Believe me, I am totally aware of the shit-covering. That’s kinda what my blog is about… But I am also struggling to find out if what I really want IS in fact a ‘boyfriend’.

        Mick and I have discussed the cheating thing and he threw the statement back at me. We’re both cheaters. The reason why I worry he’ll cheat on me isn’t because he’s already done it (even though he has), it’s because I am a cheater.

        We see in others what we are ourselves.

Talk to me :-)

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