I Should Have Sent the Original (aka The ‘Conversation’ We Had Instead)

I Should Have Sent the Original (aka The ‘Conversation’ We Had Instead)

I think what you read about “ritual” is somewhat valid. The reason that I spent so much time on your neck yesterday was to reestablish your place. I am not sure that it needs to be at a particular time or place during our play. Last week was very different in that I gave you a break from the pain in so far as whipping or the bondage since you nearly freaked out the week before. You were more lover than sub, just to remind you that I am fair and not just here to torture you. If you are not of sound mind and body you are not much “good” to me. I have no desire for you to fear me. Your submission comes from respect. I welcome your suggestions on how I might win your submission more readily.

The pattern of what we do during play time is mostly the same. The difference is the positions and toys or tools. Here is the part where I don’t agree with “ritual”. If you get the same thing every time, then you expect it. I don’t think you should be able to anticipate what I will have in store for you next. You are supposed to be here for my pleasure. That should mean whatever I wish to do as well as whenever I wish to do it.

And as far as your libido, I will take care of that for you. Your imagination doesn’t have to be great either. It is my place to stimulate you and find new ways to take charge of your orgasms. Whether it be bring you to the edge of orgasm and deny it, or to give you more than you think you are capable of. I can take you to the point of mere mention of my touch will make you creamy, or a simple touch will make you shudder uncontrollably. Then, Daddy’s girl will know who she belongs to.

The response I probably should have sent is HERE

But this is what happened instead:

What did you mean when you said: “I welcome your suggestions on how I might win your submission more readily”?

How would you like me show you my submission more or differently than I do already? Physically you can do pretty much whatever you want to me. Emotionally, it is my desire to be there for you when you need support or an ear. Even if it doesn’t seem so, I listen to you when you tell me you’re upset with me and I am currently trying to settle down, listen better and be more quiet. Do I argue too much? Interrupt? Am I too rude? Should I talk less? Or talk about different things? What else am I doing or not doing that I need to change or improve? Maybe I am just very, very bad at being submissive.

What is your definition of submission? Taking your coat and hanging it up when you come in? Bringing you your slippers when you get home and then immediately kneeling before you? Offering up my mouth to you at the right time so you can face-fuck me? What is your ideal of your submissive? Maybe I would be better at submission if I know what you expect of me.

I guess my only “suggestion” would be: Tell me what/who you want me to be and I will do my best to be that. It’s tough for me to meet your expectations if I do not know them.

Think of what you told me in the beginning about how you would like to have a relationship like those from days gone by, back in the simpler times. That is not unlike what I would like. Nothing bizarre or animalistic. You will not have need to be in control of anything. Conversations can be had freely. … … … Submission is simply trusting another to handle your life decisions. I am not asking for that now since I am not free to do that yet. When I am, will you be able to “relinquish” control? I think it would be awesome if all you had to worry about were those house chores you spoke of – you were never in need.

Is that what you are looking for? I can only partially have you until I am free. Then I want all of you. Not just the little parts that I have now. You will not have to wonder what I want. You will have freedoms to do things with permission. I do not wish to isolate or stifle you. I wish to teach you to be at peace with your past and with you. I will teach you to uncomplicate your life. You will be comfortable anywhere, because you are with me, whether I be physically present or not. I will protect and keep my little girl from harm. As I said earlier about “ritual”, I wish to keep things alive not stagnant. We will make time tomorrow to talk further on this. It is very important.

… … … I thought about a lot of what you said last night and am anxious to talk to you about some things. I really want what you are saying. It sounds a little like heaven, but I want to feel like an active participant, not a leech. Also, don’t you think it would be TWO headaches for you to have to worry for both of us? I thought you said a while back that you don’t really want to be in charge of everything all the time. Now that you’re getting older, you want someone to be in charge for you, too. Is it possible that, down the road, you could resent me for putting that extra burden on you? And, I know you say it’s just stuff, but are you sure you won’t resent me for making you give up your stuff and your comfortable life? Honestly, that’s something I can’t get past because *I* will probably resent *myself* for causing you to give it all up. Maybe I could use that as my perspective when I’m upset with you or something like that. (When my mom pisses me off, I remind myself of the sacrifices *she* has made for me and it helps quite a bit, actually. LOL!)

Anyway, those are some of the things spinning in my head today. No dreams last night, though. Yay!
Kisses from your kinky kitten!

I’m still at the house. Putting together tonight’s toys.

Are you making notes so we can talk about all of these things and not get sidetracked?
Your comment about worry for both of us is a little off. I will not need to worry about you. You will do as I ask. You will have no need to worry. So less worrying all around.

One other thing is about being in charge. You will be in charge of whatever part I delegate to you. You will be required to still use your brain. There is a lot of smarts there that I wouldn’t want to waste. You will not be lost.

Anxiously waiting for tonight.

I will make notes and bring them…

Thought this quote was interesting.

from Pinterest
from Pinterest

Sounds rather appropriate

I made notes of things to discuss Thursday evening, but he had to put his dog to sleep that afternoon.

Instead, we simply spent the night together and enjoyed each others’ company.

There was only one thing in my notes that was addressed and that was the next morning while we were waking up.

I asked, “How is it free will if I have to ask permission?”

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6 thoughts on “I Should Have Sent the Original (aka The ‘Conversation’ We Had Instead)

  1. In my single periods I explored D/s with men who are still good friends. I have a pretty good understanding on what you’re seeking and the relationship you want. However, I think there is a process involved, one that takes time, patience, and open, honest communication develop.

    In my opinion, the sense of self you bring to this dynamic needs to be well developed, and yours is still evolving, understandably so. I could be completely wrong in this assessment, but it seems to me that you, Smitten, are operating from a place of “If I do this, that, the other thing, Mick will be happy and our relationship will make me happy.” Only it does not seem to be working as you have anticipated, and only partly because of his other primary relationship. Perhaps you might feel more secure if you look at it from a place of strength, highlighting what qualities you bring to the relationship and what you desire from it, rather than just trying to live and to transform yourself to Mick’s definition of a submissive partner. Do you know what it is you want from a Dominant partner, and can you unemotionally evaluate Mick’s qualifications? HE may have work yet to do to earn your trust and your respect for him and let him be the confident leader you so strongly desire. Your worries about him and his present and future choices … I can see how it would lead him to feel as if you do not respect him as a leader if his own affairs are so disorderly in you eyes that you worry about it, about him, his intentions, and how he handles those burdens.

    Please understand: I personally think you have every right to be as worried as you are about him ending his primary relationship and what that could mean to and for you in the longer run. At the same time, I do believe it has an impact on your ability to to be the submissive partner to a strong Dominant you strongly desire.

    Which also leads back to the part-time nature of being with you. It’s hard to trust someone, or something, with so many unknowns still unsettled.

    1. Thank you, Janelle! It’s interesting you say I should look at myself and see what qualities I bring or what I am looking for because I watched a video on that a couple days ago and it really hit home. I can’t honestly think of what I bring to the table. When I sit down to write a list (I tried to write a blog post about it), I come up with nothing substantial.

      Also, I *think* I know what I want in a Dominant, but my hands-on experience is limited. So, with that, I am still learning too…

      1. How sad to see that you have such a hard time coming up with things you bring to the table. No judgment here – I have felt the same way and allowed it to go on far too long. Maybe start with small things? You’re independent – you’re not seeking someone to support you. You’re a good mother – your girls are grown and nearly grown without issues. Just little, common things you probably take for granted that “everyone” does or has. As for what you want in a Dominant, maybe make that a separate column and start with what you want in a partner. What’s an absolute deal-breaker, what is somewhat negotiable for the right guy. Build from there. Baby steps!

  2. Hi smitten
    Just a few pointers for you!
    The Dom moulds himself to the submissive.
    As a submissive you can choose what you submit in. If you want freedom in certain areas then that is your right.
    I feel he might be trying to establish a Master/ slave relationship is that what you want?
    Some qualities in a Dom are monogamous or poly?
    Understanding?
    Nuturing?
    Consistent
    Think what are your favourite kinks in Ds and apply them. It is as much about your wants and needs too. ” your here for my pleasure” is all well but you have to be fulfilled too!
    Hope they help
    Daisy

    1. Thank you, Daisy. Your response does help! Right now we are molding ourselves and our relationship to each other. It’s funny you say that because, we just talked about it at lunch today.

      Also, he fulfills me in sexual and non-sexual ways. I like that a lot. He’s one of the first partners I have had who actually communicates with me and discusses things without getting defensive and upset. That’s huge for me.

      I really appreciate your comment! ❤

Talk to me :-)

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