Just when I think things could actually work out with Mick, The Universe slaps me in the face with more reality.
Last week, he almost didn’t have enough cash for our Thursday night “hook-up”. Not a big deal.
Except for the fact that he wants to be my “Daddy” and take care of me and treat me “as I’ve never known”
He sold some rims and tires on Craig’s List and we were back in business…
But, what the fuck is supposed to happen at the end of September?! Will everything just magically fall into place and be magically taken care of?
All of the sudden will he have a steady income and way to support himself, so I can see he isn’t a total lazy-ass leech like my last two long-term relationships?!
It doesn’t really help that he went away on Memorial Day weekend with some friends – *and* his girlfriend.
It didn’t mean much to Mick. They’ve been going away on trips with friends for the past 8-10 years they’ve been together. 😦
They sleep in the same bed, cold and unfeeling. She rides on the back of his motorcycle, not reaching forward to wrap her arms around him or to tuck her hands into his pockets to stay warm. They watch movies together but across the room from each other…
That’s what I tell myself so I don’t go crazy. That’s what he tells me when I ask…
I’m jealous and upset and this fucking peri-menopausal roller coaster of emotions is enough to make me jump from a bridge!
Maybe I shouldn’t be upset, but nothing about the situation is changing and every time I think about his long-term relationship, I get sick.
I can’t stop asking myself, “What happens when *I* turn into ‘that girl’ and he doesn’t want *me* any more?”