Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Reality Check

on May 31, 2016


Just when I think things could actually work out with Mick, The Universe slaps me in the face with more reality.

Last week, he almost didn’t have enough cash for our Thursday night “hook-up”. Not a big deal.

Except for the fact that he wants to be my “Daddy” and take care of me and treat me “as I’ve never known”

He sold some rims and tires on Craig’s List and we were back in business…

But, what the fuck is supposed to happen at the end of September?! Will everything just magically fall into place and be magically taken care of?

All of the sudden will he have a steady income and way to support himself, so I can see he isn’t a total lazy-ass leech like my last two long-term relationships?!

It doesn’t really help that he went away on Memorial Day weekend with some friends – *and* his girlfriend.

It didn’t mean much to Mick. They’ve been going away on trips with friends for the past 8-10 years they’ve been together. 😦

They sleep in the same bed, cold and unfeeling. She rides on the back of his motorcycle, not reaching forward to wrap her arms around him or to tuck her hands into his pockets to stay warm. They watch movies together but across the room from each other…

That’s what I tell myself so I don’t go crazy. That’s what he tells me when I ask…

I’m jealous and upset and this fucking peri-menopausal roller coaster of emotions is enough to make me jump from a bridge!


Maybe I shouldn’t be upset, but nothing about the situation is changing and every time I think about his long-term relationship, I get sick.

I can’t stop asking myself, “What happens when *I* turn into ‘that girl’ and he doesn’t want *me* any more?”

8 responses to “Reality Check

  1. Jayne says:

    That’s an ugly place to hang out – in those thoughts. I hope youre not there a lot.

  2. mala says:

    I agree with Jayne… I had a leech boyfriend, and in the end he stole quite a lot from me when I kicked him out. I’ve also had a few dates who couldn’t pay for dinner on the first date… which to me is a symbolic thing… I will never go there again.. perhaps someone else will rescue you when you least expect it 😉

    • smitten says:

      Thanks, Mala. Mick already knows I won’t take care of him like I did my last two LTRs. He has been aware of that since we started.
      Loserman taught me a LOT about what I will no longer put up with in a relationship.

  3. Da Absentee says:

    You have been down this road of being on the side. Its truly your decision if you are going to stay there or leave.

  4. Isabella LeCour says:

    Why do you lie to yourself when you know the truth?
    Why are you not holding your standards higher? You know what you want.

    • smitten says:

      I’m not lying to myself, just trying to figure it out.
      Because there isn’t anyone out there who can meet my impossible standards. Sometimes compromise is needed.
      Correct. I do know what I want and that is why I’m waiting to see if Mick is good for his word. I do want him. He’s awesome to me and I really, really like him.

  5. Janelle says:

    The title of this post and its content about your emotions says it all. Why are you settling for side-chick status with hopes that things are different in September? Why not table Mick and the hook-ups until he makes the break and establishes himself and then start fresh as single people and see if the relationship suits you.

    • smitten says:

      because I need help with my cars and other things…
      Here on my blog I mostly only post things that I need to think about. Therefore, you don’t get to read about the wonderful things Mick does for me.

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