Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

I’m Just a Mom: Moving

on August 31, 2016

MovingDayIn a little less than 3 weeks, Thing #1 and I will be moving to a new apartment across town.

Finally, after a year of being divorced, Doom-n-Gloom will no longer be living in my apartment.

I’m super duper excited!!!

However, Thing #2 is kind of creating issues.

She has decided she would like to continue living with her father.

She’s 18 and graduated. Therefore she can pretty much do what she wants. I’m just not sure why this is what she wants.

It could be a couple of a few reasons (and probably a million more)…

  1. She really doesn’t like sharing a room with her sister (understandably. They’re both adults)
  2. We are moving too far across town and she will be too far away from her boyfriend of 5 years
  3. She is afraid (and rightly so) that her father will be unable to take care of himself and will end up homeless sooner than later
    (Personally, I am more worried about him killing himself, but let’s not go there…)
  4. Simple pride. She is worried that I will think she’s a failure if she can’t find somewhere to live after she told me so obstinately that she could

One issue is: it’s only 3 weeks away and they still haven’t found a place to live. Right now, the Denver housing market is insane and nearly impossible to find something affordable 3 months out, let alone 19 days!

A bigger issue is: Doom-n-Gloom STILL has no form of government issued ID. So he has no way to be able to lease anything in his name. Also, he STILL only works part time.

I have told Thing #2 numerous times that she can come with us; that I would LOVE her to come with us. I have even asked Doom-n-Gloom to say something to her, but he got all defensive and angry and wasn’t any help at all.

I tell her that I will stay in the living room at our new place like I do at our current apartment (or I’d share a room with Thing #1) so she can have the 2nd bedroom to herself and some privacy.

The apartments they are looking at are only one bedrooms – because they can’t afford anything more.

She refuses.

I’ve tried explaining to her how hard it actually is to “take care of” Doom-n-Gloom: he is incapable of paying any type of bill or cleaning up after himself in any way. I don’t want her being his new mother. At the age of 48, he should be able to handle things on his own – completely – not rely upon his baby girl to do it. If he was an invalid, that would be one thing, but he’s perfectly capable, just fucking lazy as hell.

And, at the age of 18, she should be free of that responsibility!

I’m worried for her, but I know I need to stay out and mind my own business. This is not the time to meddle… She won’t do what I ask/say anyway.


Maybe she’ll hide in one of the boxes and we’ll find her while we’re unpacking!! LOL!

I can always hope ❤

17 responses to “I’m Just a Mom: Moving

  1. bmayes76 says:

    There’s something about kids and when their parents are divorced. I was the same way. I was the parent and my mom was my child. I could’ve moved in with my dad at anytime, but I would’ve been worried sick about my mom. That could be the case here.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you for saying! I’m also frustrated that he doesn’t seem to have the same worries.

      • bmayes76 says:

        From being in your daughters situation, why should he? He is going to let her shoulder all of the concern, worry and stress while he bears none of it as a parent should. Granted, I don’t know him or the situation, but maybe it would be best if he were left to fend for himself. She can let him know she will be there for MORAL support, but his own baggage? He needs to man up and dump that on a therapist. Not his child.

        • smitten says:

          It might come down like that. They might not be able to find a place and she will have to come with me. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing… When I graduated from high school, I couldn’t move out of my parents’ house fast enough.

          I can’t really identify with either of my daughters at this point. Usually I can. It’s frustrating.

          • bmayes76 says:

            I moved in with my husband 3 months after I turned 18 and never looked back. Before my mom passed away, our relationship was getting to where it should be. I always said my boys got the best of her. For that, I am thankful. Our kids are a mix of both of us, which is scary as hell!! Hopefully, he will kick himself into high gear and get some motivation about him.

  2. You are such a loving Mom, smitten. All will be well. Good luck on your house hunt.

    • smitten says:

      Thanks, Sweetie! ❤ I hope she figures it out and is able to get past her stubbornness… When I was her age I was so proud. Way too proud. I had to show my parents that I could do it on my own because they were so convinced that I couldn’t. I sure hope that’s not how she’s feeling about me!

  3. FervidM says:

    Good luck with the move, no doubt emotions will ebb and flow. I absolutely hate packing, I end up spending hundreds of dollars on packing supplies alone, so I can label each box with exactly what’s in he damn thing! Hang in there!

  4. I remember the Denver housing market of years ago, and cannot imagine looking on such short notice back then. They are absolutely going to end up sleeping in the car for a while, or whatever their fallback plan is. Thing #2 is at the age of Figuring Shit Out, and she’s got to figure it out on her own: nothing you say is of any value to her, unfortunately, because you Don’t Know. (Hearing that you do know, by the way, is not possible; the words leave your mouth, but what reaches an 18 year-old’s ears is the smug nonsense of an idiot who doesn’t even know how to [latest app thing] and is about to be proven so incredibly wrong about everything. Ugh.)

    Lord, the shit I had swimming around in my brain at 18…

    Fortunately, she has a mama who is ready and willing to provide a safety net, so she’ll be fine. She’s just gonna get a bit dinged up along the way – we all did.

  5. loneyheart says:

    breath deep and know that she is about to learn a huge lesson. All you can do is tell her you love her, your door is always open for her, and wash your hands of any responsibility for his actions. And remember it is never ok to look at your kid and say I TOLD YOU SO. in the end she will be wiser for it all and will respect you more for never chapping her hide over the decision.

    • smitten says:

      Thank you, my dear!! I appreciate the reminder about I TOLD YOU SO’s 😀
      I am trying to be as open as I can ❤

      • loneyheart says:

        i have had this situation with my daughter now 25. she has left home to live with ex boyfriends, ex husbands, and i have always reminded her that my door was open. She is now on the verge of moving to another state with her father and grandmother, a huge mistake. But once again i have encouraged her to explore life and to know her safety net will always be here.

Talk to me :-)

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