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Writing is Therapy

whatyouare

I’ve been remiss with my “therapy” and it’s been showing in my everyday life.

As my writing has dropped off, so have my spirits.

To be honest, I stopped writing because I was feeling stupid for the choices I was making and I no longer wanted to share them here for fear of being judged.

Because I am judging myself.

It’s already been 5 months and I am still trying *not* to hate myself for the choices I made with Jim/Mick.

…still trying to convince myself that the terrible things he wrote about me are not true.

My instinct now tells me to run from everyone who expresses any interest in getting to know me better.

…my inner self constantly doubts my ability to choose authentic people

…my imagination correlates each new situation with an old, bad one

I’ve become closed off and distant; even dropped out of some people’s lives entirely – people who deserve to be treated better.

I’ve tried to develop something more emotionally intimate, but a monstrous wall erects itself almost immediately.

Then I run like hell to get away, hurting the person who tried to care.

Sharing my body with a person is one thing (apparently it’s very easy for me), but letting them into my mind is terrifying!

If I let someone else in there, that means I have to face my demons, too!

beautifullikeme

The journey to self-discovery is almost as frightening as being vulnerable!

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10 thoughts on “Writing is Therapy

  1. I appreciate you sharing your inner demons. As a fan I or the ppl who follow you in this space do not judge. We admire how candid you can be here. How detailed your findings are and how you bring your past to life in these pages. I think I can speak For the ones who look forward to your musings. “Your safe with us!!” So share as you like. We are looking and listening. “Stay Positive” xox

    1. Thank you, Sir. Not writing has really messed me up… I need to stop worrying what people think of me, especially when I am in this public forum, and continue to “journal” as I have been.

  2. You are a wonderful person Smitten. I believe you are too hard on yourself and you are letting Mick get to you even after all these days. This is what some people too, they make you doubt your own self and we end up being really bad critics of ourselves. I am practically living that hell right now, though in my case the other party did not even do that intentionally (or so I believe).

    In any event, keep smiling cause we all love that from you 🙂

    1. Thank you, Dear! ❤ I am smiling much more these days!! I love your positivity!

      This afternoon I realized something – when you give your whole self to another person (who claims to love you more than anything), it’s very tough not to believe what is said. Even if the words are destructive and cruel and *untrue*. It’s not necessarily the words as much as the breach of trust and the feeling of betrayal.

  3. Wishing you peace smitten . I agree that writing is great therapy and WordPress can often be a wonderful community of non-judgmental supporters. Please keep writing

Talk to me :-)

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