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My Catfish

I don’t even know where to begin with this one…

First, I guess I could start by unprotecting and re-sharing my last two posts about him:

When I wrote those posts, I had already driven to Colorado Springs to meet My Catfish, proving that he was NOT in fact a catfish, but a real live person with real live intentions.

During our nearly-6-months-long-chat leading up to said meeting, he shared with me some things about himself I thought I could be okay with. Most of them I was… But, when he told me he was overweight, I underestimated what he meant by “overweight”.

We sat in his Yukon for our entire first meeting – 4 hours. His body overflowed the seat and took up almost his entire half of the cab section. In order to hug or kiss him, I literally had to climb up his body to reach his face (awkward for a first meeting). We chatted about our lives and families for quite a while, then he brought me to a local drive-through and got me a yummy burger.

Before our evening together was over, we found a private place where we could park and be more “intimate”. Clearly his weight didn’t make him uncomfortable, so I went with it, thinking *I* would get more comfortable, too.

We kissed a little more. He spanked my ass, fingered my pussy and called me His…

I didn’t get more comfortable.

So… A few weeks passed. We continued chatting and ultimately made plans to see each other on New Years Eve day and possibly spend that night together.

As the date approached, my feet got colder and colder and I couldn’t tell if it was because I was just scared to get involved in something or because I was scared to get involved in something WITH HIM.

Either way, I chickened out and ended things with him on New Years Eve (that’s 2 for 2 now, lol! Read about last New Years HERE) because ultimately, I really couldn’t get past his weight. I don’t mean to be shallow, but I even told him:

“Inside I am a fat person. Without a motivated thin person to keep me in line, I will get fat again and have to start all over. I’m worried that, with you, I will become that fat person on the outside again.”

He explained that the weight gain happened practically overnight when he contracted the H1N1 virus a few years ago and was in a coma for 2 weeks. He showed me pictures of him in high school when he was a basketball player and on the track team, but we’re not in high school any more…

Also, other stories with him didn’t seem to add up either… Maybe I was being overly critical or my intuition broken or maybe it was The Universe trying to speak to one of us… What I am trying to say here is that things felt off with everything he was telling me – like most things were only half truths…

He didn’t seem completely authentic. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t…

Over the past year, I have been second-guessing myself and The Universe, thinking that maybe I’ve been reading the signs all wrong. This time, I decided to trust my gut completely and let My Catfish go.

And, from here on out, I will be listening to and following my instincts instead of doubting them.

toexististochange

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