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Too Much Power

Since last September, I’ve been spending a lot of time inside my head. It was a tough time to recover from: Mick’s verbal harassment, moving, having my car stolen…

Shit! Just a move by itself is enough to send a person’s life into topsy-turvies…

I ended up dragging a couple of very special people into my drama, then seemingly dropped off the planet. There’s no excuse for that. I was simply a scared kitten.

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It’s been over two years now, but when Loserman left me, it left a huge hole inside me. I tried to fill it with other men. It didn’t work…

Still, there are times I feel lost without him. Scared even.

People have been telling me not to give Loserman so much power over my heart, thoughts and feelings but, the truth is, he was a giant part of my life for over 6 years! He helped me become ME — the ME you see here before you today: roller skater, car fixer-wanna-be… Even now I still learn and grow from his time with me. And sometimes I still hear his voice in my ear reminding me, nudging me, making a joke…

Once I began to give him that power over my heart again, I was able to start dealing with his absence and the giant hole it left.

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5 thoughts on “Too Much Power

  1. Good post! I’m always amazed at the differences in how people deal with their loss(es). Some might say that our blogging only serves to keep dredging up the relationship, so there should be no blogging. Let old wounds heal. But for you and me, Smitten, it seems that our blogging repairs the wounds by examining them. Catharsis in the written word. Still, I have the old saying “One Day At A Time” printed out and taped in front of my computer’s monitor. It serves as a reminder that time heals all….eventually…

  2. Well, more power to you, Smitten. And just as I said that, I realized how meaningless and powerless those words are.

    I hope you find strength to not be bogged down by his thoughts. Again…not sure if it means anything.

    Nevermind. Sending you all my love. Hope you receive them. Take care

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