Chat

People Change

There are a couple of posts from over a year ago – namely this one – that paint Alaska in a bad light… “we” were new and I was scared/timid and not able to communicate my feelings to him. So I communicated them here… It’s still scary for me to go back and read some of those words because it’s truly how I felt.

But, as our “old” relationship evolved, I got better at communicating with him…

As a matter of fact, I “broke up” with him on New Year’s Eve (2015) because I had expressed my feelings to him and he chose to ignore them.

AND, even after that, as we re-continued things, I was able to articulate all my feelings to him when the whole Amanda incident happened…

When I read that post now it still hurts, but I wonder if maybe Alaska was just as shocked about things as I was… I mean, we did just finish a whole orgasmic mutual masturbation thing… 😉 and were in our post-coital cuddling place… naked… and he made love to me three times after that…

 …and he with me (even though his communication is more non-verbal) – The Morning After

I started writing this post almost a month ago and I have no idea why it’s been such a struggle to write down what’s been going on with Alaska over the past few months.

…it’s never seemed to be a problem before…

And there have been a couple sexy stories in-between (SLUT, The Park), I just didn’t mention who

I’ve rewritten and resorted these words a dozen times and my thoughts still seem scattered all about.

What’s odd about it is that my feelings actually seem more ordered and make more sense to me

I think my actual problem is not knowing how to deal with them like an adult

And fucking face them, even thought they’re scary!

It seems that, for my entire adult life, I run away from anything that causes me to have feelings.

And, boy does Alaska cause me to have “feelings”!

He has more of my “firsts” than anyone else ever

And I continue to have so many of my first [intimate-learning] moments with him…

It’s those darn “firsts” that keep bringing us closer together.

Anyway, if you were to know him now and compare it to how he was with me before, it’s like he’s becoming a different person.

A better one.

Even Thing #1 has commented on how he seems so different from how I described him before (when we were still living with the ex-h and Thing #2).

He is teaching me and mentoring me and coaching me with a new Multi Level Network Marketing business I’m trying to build. He’s being patient with me and kind to me… He lets me argue with him when I’m struggling and tries to get me back on track (successfully, I might add!)

He makes consistent time for me, even though he’s very busy with his own network marketing businesses and also as a real estate agent here in Denver.

It used to be that days would pass without hearing from him. Now it’s odd if a single day passes where we don’t connect in some way.

Sometimes we will talk on the phone for a couple of hours!

Sometimes it’s business; sometimes just chat; sometimes sexy chat 😉

But, where we wouldn’t discuss feelings any more, now we do.

He even talks to me about our future and, when I asked him about it point blank, he replied, “I’m not going anywhere. Are you?”

Just the other day I told him how much I was hating myself, really hating myself, and he talked me off the crazy-ledge where I was teetering, and it only took him a few words to help with my perspective.

Just by being there and listening, being patient and not getting upset with me when *I* am upset, he’s being more of a Daddy to me than he probably realizes…

And I think I’m falling hard…What You're Doing to Me

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