Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

I Hate Myself for Loving You

on March 22, 2017

But I guess that’s kind of what love is, right?

Before my skate trip to Houston in February, I mentioned to Alaska that I might like for him to pick me up from the airport when I returned.

At that point, it had been 4 weeks since we’d seen each other and I was really starting to miss him. Even for my extracurricular escapades and the fact that we’d been communicating nearly every day, I missed the hell out of him and wanted to feel his gigantic chocolate body next to mine…

When he couldn’t make the effort to come and get me because he was showing houses to a client he already admitted to disliking immensely (AND after knowing about my trip for over a week), I composed my little note to him on the train/bus ride back to my apartment.

And later, when I texted him I’d made it home safe, he simply answered: masturbate for me now and send me the video


Just do I as I say

This made me even more upset with him, but I did as I was told…

Before I fell asleep, he did send me a “good girl” 😉

I just wanted to come home and relax and maybe cuddle with you and feel you inside of me… my ass hurts like a mother fucker and I missed you so much… I would do anything to spend a minute with you and you wouldn’t even take a break to pick me up at the airport!
I am such a fucking tool – no pun intended. Hopefully that video I sent you helped with your “client”.
I wish I believed you thought more of me than just as one of your whores, but I guess that’s how I act with you. I just throw myself at you like one of your bitches… And, unfortunately, I will continue to, because I want your approval and I desire you and miss you and care about you so fucking much.
I’m so stupid… I spent the afternoon enlightening myself with my self-empowerment book and now I just want to crawl back into my hole.

Funny thing is, when we spoke about it the next day, I said almost every little bit of this to him and it all got worked out.

4 responses to “I Hate Myself for Loving You

  1. this is so familiar.
    maybe, when we want the unconventional, we have to accept the unconventional too.

  2. BallsyBilly says:

    I would have picked you up 🙂 Just saying…

    • smitten says:

      Brownie points to Sir Billy 😉
      Thank you, Sir. Wish you were closer so you could have! My bottom was SOOOO sore from falling flat on it that previous Friday night – I’m pretty sure I broke my tailbone (it still really hurts now!). Laying down in your back seat would have been wonderful after all that airport and airplane sitting. It was a LONG day *sigh*

Talk to me :-)

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